Author: Stephen J Frankenberry

It’s cold. I hate cold. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. It’s a thing that makes me question every year where I live. Though it’s not a real cold, comparatively speaking, not a place where you could REALLY question where you live, places in videos that make you put on an extra layer or two or three and grab unnecessary mittens to wear around, even in a warm house, at just the view in your comfy where water is maybe thrown in the air to immediately be frozen in pretty air portraits wondering of how people can live like that, but it’s still cold here. And I still hate it. Just sayin’.

As I did my daily weather report, a one put in the can to run for a few evening hours for a little radio station here in the Hudson Valley, right before I left for the day, I noted that it would be single digits in the overnight along with the always dramatic DUM DUM DUM of wind chills dropping the temperature to imagined bone levels where we’re all gonna die.

Gotcha wind chill. Fuck you wind chill. Just tell me, me tell you what the temperature is gonna be, period. I’ll prepare and raise a collar and don my army surplus jacket that has me looking underpass smelling of Jack and sweat with a hood and extra pockets for hand warmer packets and double sweats for end of days if need be, no wind chill warnings necessary.

When I got home, looking forward to nothing other than being home on a cold night, as cold nights will have you, furry girls in their spots just past the top of the stairs, there was a little shelter guy who is new to the house downstairs for the moment, an acclimate to other dogs and some cats little fella who looks like he could use a salad, a little puffy puffer fish of a thing with a tiny dog head who yip yaps until, to his surprise, you give a little under chin scratch of attention. A one who didn’t know this warm. Yip yaps yawn.

It’s cold outside, but need salad dogs stop their yip and their yap with a sudden knowing.

“I gotcha little man, kinda nice this warm and the under chins huh? Now how’s about a bit of jog when things aren’t so cold? You’re lookin’ a little chunky my friend”

(plus I just called a post “Salad Dogs” … kinda cool)

And a turned year’s happy see clocks

Grab hats

Drum noises

Noise drummers

Call strummers

Of songs

To add their way

And might a firework’s snap’s clap

Too

Join the play

But all the clatter is a matter

Of others

Zzz’s a cat

In a lap

Who knows

Just

Where

Turned

Time

Is

At

Knows just where clocks should sat

Well, with all the end of year’s lists, retrospectives, the requisite long list quickie obituaries of people lost in 2021, which, if it were an honest list and not just the usual of passed celebrities, as if they are the only ones worth noting, would be way too massive an endeavor and just point out our failings, five reasons we won’t miss 2021, five reasons 2021 gives us hope in 2022 (yeah, that one’s a non-starter) the top ten’s, low ten’s, seven things just outside the norm or maybe turn it up eleven’s or even thirteen’s to tempt fate with a ‘fresh’ numbers take on the year end staid that has no ‘fresh’ take … ever … I thought well, maybe, I’ll jump on the staid bandwagon and go with my own year end take ’cause I got nothin’ right now.  

Ok, sorry, not quite nothing, I did start something earlier about being at the Dollar General in Wappingers Falls to buy candles and vitamins and duct tape (yes, my main intent and no, I’m not planning anything weirdly creepy, though it might come out nicely in a film) when I noticed at the last second an older, slow moving seeming tired woman whose winter hat was winter huddled down just a little too close to her eyes below her eyebrows, a one whose cart looked the only thing holding her up as she rolled up behind me on line with only a few items.

Now, could I have pulled my stuff from the belt before it started getting rang? Yes. But I already had the candles and the duct tape down with the vitamins on the way and of course, all the “yeah I could use that too” impulse buys that can happen at a place like Dollar General, things you didn’t realize you needed until just then but might work well in a movie as props (not a “Dollar Store” mind you, think a mini-Walmart with better prices and less interesting internet pics).

I was also being lazy and selfish and I just wanted to be done for the day after an early let go from work but, in my head, as my candles and vitamins and duct tape and “yeah I could use that too” Dollar General impulse buys were being rung in front of this tired looking woman I kicked myself for being an asshole.

“There’s an old bent over a cart tired looking woman with a too huddled eyebrow hat who you could have let go in line before you, you asshole. And I think you even parked your car next to her year’s lined husband in the parking lot who looks like he could just really use, might even be, taking a nap”.

Then my debit card didn’t work, again, came up declined though there is plenty there in the account to cover candles and vitamins and duct tape and possible weirdly creepy things (the movie teaser will be out next week) and “yeah I could use that too” impulse buys, a debit card that has been quite a dick lately, its chip not being all that chippy.

“Motherfu …” but I held myself back from my usual fave expletive, thinking of this older, slow moving woman, and of my mother who would admonish such language but only with better language of her own, this older woman who stepped behind me being held up by a cart when she came to save me and my thoughts of being an asshole.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, I almost had a bit of a curse there … this card has been a pain lately”

She looked up from under her tired eyebrow huddled hat, but with sudden unexpected young bright eyes and I was taken aback, wide bright lively crystal blue eyes and said “Oh, curse away, I enjoy that”

“Really?”

“Of course, there are some things I could motherfuck about right about now too … but don’t get me started or we’ll be here all day”

As I made my way to the lot and put my things into BB’s (my car) hatch she slowly followed with the cart holding her and her few things up and in and put them into a car with her husband, who, yes I had parked next to, woke now, starting the engine.

“Happy New Year” I said

“The same (with those bright alive blue eyes) to you and your family”

Man, If only my own eyes can be that unexpectedly bright and alive and want to motherfuck things when I get to the tired.

But I didn’t write about that ’cause, like I said, I got nothin’.

No, I’ve done this before, put some of my parody tunes into one post to call them Albums or EP’s, with names, though I shouldn’t give them names while imagining myself an artist or band with titles for Albums or EP’s after not having really created anything like artists and bands do. They’re someone else’s tunes, instrumentals in this case, just with new words (Ok, maybe I’ll give myself a little artistic credit there on the new words) and some singing that could, at best, be considered suspect. I’m not really allowed to give them names.

So a year end compilation in one post of some of my tunes and when I posted them from 2021 it is, but since I’m not really an artist or a band, like I said, who have a right to name things, I’ll just call this album “Bob” … Ok, yes, technically, I just named it but you get my point.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

To the 80’s classic “Crash” from the Primitives

April 24

Crush

Here we go, fucking fast

Must pass laws we hope’ll la-ast

Cause we know, in blatant show-ow

We can’t win with a vote’s honest go

So Stop, stop the polls

Shut some doors maybe clear the rolls

Make it rough, so no close ca-alls

We wanna make sure of a doubts no go

So restrictions where there weren’t none

Enact new rules replace old ones

That worked just fine when it was we won

But when we didn’t there was clearly something wrong

—

Na na na na na na na na na

(we gotta crush the vote)

Na na na na na na na na na

(we gotta crush the hope)

—

Here they go, fucking fast

Chau-vin a martyr white bias cast

Say Maxine shut your mou-outh

Your words are a fire that’ll burn the town

But Trump words, were benign-nn

Hugs and kisses it was just sublime

It was really nothing be concerned

Only five dead and the cap riot didn’t earn  

What libs will have us learn

No that was just a patriots turn 

But now the Tuckers and the pundits churn

Will have believe verdicts real concern was burn

Chauvin’s martyr turn

Excuse for justice served

—

Na na na na na na na na na
(gonna crush the vote)
Na na na na na na na na na
(gonna crush the hope)
Na na na na na na na na na
(ignorance it is the show)
Na na na na na na na na na
(white nationals refuse the blow)

Na na na na na na na na na

(gonna crush the vote)
Na na na na na na na na na
(gonna crush the hope)
Na na na na na na na na na
(ignorance it is the show)

Mmmm hmmm

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

And there was a Capital riot.

To Stevie’s “I Wish”.

February 12

Dark Days (They Wish)

Looking back on lost years and an orange headed lyin’ boy

Whose one and only con-cern was power and just how earn from ploy

We watched and listened sadly, the starkness of the thing

That had support too many, discipled GOP

—

Truth went out the window, propaganda became the truth de jour

Echoed many sides now, podiums to pundits even went on tour

The press tried too late stem tide, point out all the lies

But they opened up that window, just tryin’ now save hides

—

They were dark days … you’d … think we’d want no more

Some truly sad … days … attack norms at the core 

But some still want … those … days to darken doors

Now hold seditious dreams, yeah, they hold a torch 

They hold a torch

—

The time came to be counted, a real count not a one that aimed at steal

Enough of us did stand up, a threat was posed and seen saw to be real 

But even then some hundred plus signed on to a deal 

To stand with former power mad with fraud as the new spiel

—

That led to insurrection, encouraged violence for a new rule

With help also from inside who even took some to tour of new school

Useful idi-ots follow dumb as useful tools

The Gaetz, Hawley’s, McCarthy’s fools who know the fools

—

They were dark days … you’d … think they’d want no more

Some truly sad … days … attack norms at the core 

But some still want … those … days to darken doors

Now hold seditions dreams, yeah they hold a torch 

They hold a torch

—

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodah doo

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

—

Trump: “Statistically impossible to have lost the 2020 Election”

“Big protest in DC on January 6th. Be there, will be wild!”

Olivia Troye: “very concerned that there will be violence on January 6th because the president himself encourages it.”

Ted “Bad Beard Breath” Cruz: “We will not go quietly into the night. We will defend liberty. And we are going to win.”

Trump and Jr.: “fight like hell.”

Jr.: “We need to fight.”

Trump: “They’re not taking this White House. We’re going to fight like hell.”

“… and we fight, we fight like hell, and if you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”

Giuliani: “Let’s have trial by combat´

Mo “Box of Rocks” Brooks: “… Today is the day American patriots start taking down names and kicking ass.”

Trump: “American Patriots,”

“… We love you, you’re very special.” 

Trump: “These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!”

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

A little voter suppression thing.

To Adam Ant “Goody Two Shoes”.

May 8

Goody Goody Crow Rules

Gov Kemp grabbed a big pen

To support the Big Lie

Election integrity, integrity

Ignore that GA’s was fine now

–

Was su-posed gold standard

For others to try

Try and live up to, up to

It was even a point of pride now 

–

Ya can’t choose, we choose, voting rights you lose

Ya can’t choose, we choose,

Suppression wins you lose

–

Make vo-ting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says hey y’all by the way

–

Say thanks to Joe Manchin

Repubs inside joke

Won’t let us bust the fili fili  

Bi-part will surely take note take note

–

As everyone laughs at

His naïve to extreme

The Pollyanna world he loves hope  

Is in a partisan long boat

—

Ya can’t choose, we choose, voting rights you lose

Ya can’t choose, we choose,

Suppression wins you lose

–

Make voting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

—— 

GOP knows too well now

There ain’t no fair fight

Straight up they lose every time now

People vote they will always eat crow

–

They’ll try to sell you

A bill of false goods

About getting back to honest, honest

But based on a cult’s lies big lie

–

Now this ain’t no token

They’ll take the deride

Knowing full well, too well now

The orange is on their right side

–

Make voting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

–

Make vo-ting harder, what will you do

Cuttin’ back Sundays what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says hey y’all by the way

–

Make voting harder, what will you do

Lose drop boxes, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

–

Make voting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

This one is for all those that have decided, in their finite white wisdom, to start banning books and worse.

To the The Dixie Cups “Going To The Chapel”.

December 4

Goin’ to the School Board

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

With banning books now that aren’t

In a real right straight white safe way

Gee we’ve got some issues with works

That don’t teach imagined virtues of a

Re-visioned whitewashing day

— 

GOP’s here

To set message clear

Ignorance sings

Of white patriot things

— 

This country was found

On exceptional ground

And we’ll never teach real truth anymore

—

Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Might throw books on a pyre now

And dance ‘round with a hey hidey hey how

— 

Gee you don’t need a degree

From any liberal leftist factory   

Goin’ to create history  

—

Whistles will blow

And dogs will crow

We’ll set it right

No CRT will be in sight

We’ll ignore slavery

Even though it’s part of the core  

And strike systemic from vocabulary’s lore

— 

Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Snowflake about the sensibilities

Of our children’s tender feelings

Gee we don’t know the problem

Of new curriculum’s whitey outcome

—

Goin’ to the school board of dumb

(yeah-a-yeah-a-yeahy-yeah)

—

Goin’ to the school board of dumb  

(yeah-yeah-yeah-yeahy-yeah)

—
Just mind your place and we’ll all get along

//////////////////////////////////////////////

Have instrumental and new lyrics will travel for a tune about Democracy being under attack.

To Green Day’s “Troublemaker” … time to rock a bit.

November 20

Kingmaker  

Yeah!

Woo hoo hoo

—

Hey!

Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight

—

Hey!

They wanna control the states

So next time vote around they’ll mess ‘bove ground

Mold sham results for self-serving tastes

—

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers

—

Hey!

We like your lie moxie cool

Obstructive whitewash of what was true

It’s quite impressive in its attempt at coup

—

Hey!

His Rally’s his palace days  

He’s sounding loaded, old lie bloated

In his propagandist playbook word salad way

—

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers

—

Hey!

Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh

Yeah!

—

They saw election pass with result a bad state

So pass suppression laws before it’s too late

Present these measures in a group all for one haste

Integrity’s at stake the big lie is the play that they make

—

Hey!

Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight

—

Hey!

They do their do

Hey!

A lie’s whose who

Hey!

Who know the screw

Hey!

A fascist stew

Hey!

//////////////////////////////////////////////

Hey, I remember this song.

To OMC and “How Bizarre”.

August 21

How Repub (song)

Big lie it shotgun rides, McCarthy at the wheel

Headin’ Mar-A-Lago to commiz about steal

A new plan it was hatched then, right after riot’s zeal

After kneel ring kiss the two saw how this should go

Campaign of vote suppression with a spankin’ new cash flow

McCarthy genuflects then says we’ll work on Fili-Joe

—

How Repub  

How Repub

How Repub

—

They stay course mis-inform’, more openly than before

First voting then vaccines now, workin’ at death’s door

Of democracy and lives now, Elephant’s they know the score

How to politic both with a loud crazed cultish roar

—

How Repub

How Repub

How Repub

—

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

—

Ring master he directs, says make Donkeys have regrets

For not buying into Country’s patriotic cultish sect

We’re showing you white way now, yet ya still deflect

The truth of where road’s going to where we’ll intersect

At Ignorance Way and Main Street with a future surely set

You’ll be minority major

Too slow now to react

Where chance was had to save from dark political intellect

And you’ll learn now how to,

Hey,

To genuflect

—

How Repub

How Repub

How Repub

—

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)

Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

They’re bubblin’ up

—

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

—

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I look just down (Every time I just look down)
There’s a new lie to be found
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

///////////////////////////////

The more words the greater the challenge, plus more time for me to say stuff in my musical editorials.

To Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”.

August 7

Neo Fascist Man (song – a GOP anthem)

It’s Doomsday clock on an everyday

GOP wear a watch

They check their wrists – for the end of us

Great experiment to now call a loss

—

They say It’s time has passed can ya follow me

It won’t really be all that hard

There’s a new road to take while the truth we will fake

A dead dream just not in the cards

—

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

—

Sing us a song Neo Fascist man

Sing us a song of lies

Rewrite for us a seen history

Till no longer believe our own eyes

—

Now the GOP practice a longer game

State and by state they block votes

Or they gerrymander – so to stay in command

As they can’t win with votes honest’s go

They say integrity’s at stake in our system here

Must restore voter confidence

And they’ll disenfranchise with no color the prize

And all because of the Big Lie

—

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

—

Now McCarthy holds true his great leader

Kool Aid drunk while supporting the cries

Of an unhinged one, carny barker and some  

Whose show now attracts nothing but flies

—

And McConnell says partisan politics

Are the only game Dems wanna play

While hypocrisy drips from his marble mouth

Lockstep lemmings minority sway

—

Break

—

Sing us a wrong Neo Fascist man

Sing us a song of lies

Rewrite for us a known history

Till we no longer hear as it cries

—

GOP gambles Dem dreamers

Whose justifies are like some swiss cheese

Manchin and Kyrsten to any who’ll listen

Are standing just notice them please

—

They’re determined to center attention

Nonsensical their fantasy fight

To preserve the one thing that is killing the dream

Of every last of us be deemed

—

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

—

Do us all wrong Neo Fascist men

Break with democracy’s ties

Cause we’re all in the mood for autocracy

Till we no longer hear our own cries

/////////////////////////////////

For a true nutter.

The Green Acres theme song.

December 8

Greene Crackers

Greene crackers are the treat for me

The favorite snack of the new GOP

Buttered with lies that spread from sea to sea

Keep the truth just give us conspiracies

—

Margie Greene crackers is party’s new face

With Gosar, Gohmert & a guy taking girls ‘cross states

Throw in Boebert with a shiny gun case

it’s a GOP wagon to a really dim-lee lit place

—

The lies

White cries

More lies

Past dies

—

Authority life

Hello fascist right

Greene Crackers we are there

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

Ok, tacking one on here post posting – like, say, just a fun bonus track.

About cat’s peeing where they shouldn’t.

To Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me”.

March 13

It Wasn’t Me, I Didn’t Pee

Yo, Handsome … Open up man

What do you want Cujo?

Mom just caught me

Seriously?

I don’t know how

Where?

In the shower, you know

Man

I don’t know what to do

Well, say it wasn’t you

—

Alright

—

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

—

How could you forget that Mom’s the one who owns this villa

She’s got sixth senses that snap up on her pilla

You keep this up she’s gonna be your killa

She knows it’s you even got ya on camera

Before you were dumb and strolled off into the shower

These humans got tech to catch you any hour

Yeah that’s video your ass up on stovetop

You gotta say it wasn’t you to save you from the next stop

—

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
Heard her screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

—

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

—

Act like nothing happened, that it’s no big deal  

Walk your Cujo walk, denial in your cool

See if you can sing another cat’s fault song

Maybe Sunny with who you don’t get along  

You’re gonna be banished from house for real

You’ll be pushin’ daisies soon for just this deal

You’ll be out garage, house life won’t last

Get caught again and 9^th life will pass  

—

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
I heard the screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

—

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

—

Gonna blame some other

For the smell that I’ve caused

Gotta be some other cat who goes and pees against doors

I will tell her that maybe it’s because of the dogs

I’ll just make sure they don’t catch me

When they figure mad cause

—

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

—

Celie came in

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me I do say

I didn’t pee I will say

Celie came in then

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me

Meow

/////////////////////////////////////////////

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Yes, it’s Christmas

Day

With things held, maybe at

Bay

Or not

For respite

For a moment

For

A day unlike any other

Day

We tell ourselves

Yes, it’s Christmas

A day

When I was a kid, as I was joyously passing my time with books of faerie queens and their kings and castles and elves and trolls (ones you would actually like now, no matter their demeanor, as opposed to their newer version) and other fantastic things, or of stars that were so wished upon with their own space fantastic things in star logs I came across Star Wars. Done … hold on … where’s my Bucco’s cap? … we goin’ now? … cool … done.

I had already been there in my head, I had Foundationed, I’d Shanarra’d, I had Rama’d, I had Moted in the eyes of gods, I had Dune’d and Hobbited, I’d Shadowed of Torturers or Swans, I’d … I was a sponge of I’d I’d’s, but Star Wars? It gave me my first real visual of all the opera’s dramas beyond some of the fave camp on TV. It hit me with a “real.”

As I sit watching the final episode of Lost In Space season 3 though, the original Lost In Space being the best of the camp fave, I remember a hollowed out husk of a truck, just beyond a rock wall and just up the hill at the back of Archer Road Elementary School, (a place where years later we would pitch stickball against its gym wall) just beyond the comfort zone of our teachers had they thought to look, where we would play space and being lost in it and argue over who’s parts were whose until, decided, we would recreate episodes or build new ones. We were our own fantastic things at recess right before our teachers started turning their heads.

That husk of a truck was our spaceship, the overgrown grass it sat in was the latest planet we would come upon to explore. Dave or I would be Will or Dad Robinson or even Dr Smith if we were feeling devilish that day. The girls would be Penny and Judy and Mom Robinson and one of us, depending on the day, might even be lucky enough to wave our arms and cry danger. The stories we created were complex and involved, well, as complex and involved as our 8 year old selves could be, sometimes continuing ones that we would tap tap tap our shoes under our desks in impatient anticipation to get back to. Yes, yes, Mrs or Mr, we gotcha, learning things, blah, blah … is it lunch time yet?

As sit watching the final episode of Lost in Space season 3, glorying in the Robinsons finding their way, as I always knew they would, now or then, in stunning visuals and a wonderful re-telling of an old campy tale, I do though take a second.

A second to just miss the days before Star Wars did the visualizing for us and we jockeyed over who would play a robot.

I don’t know where/when it started, my aversion to Christmas, an aversion shared by some I’m sure, and no, I’m not going to be the male version of the latest Hallmark season’s movie. Guy has it all in the big city but feels empty and cynical and comes home to his small town to find that girl in awkward, cute, accidental head bumping ways, the one who owns a small knick-knack candle shop with no movie ever explaining how she makes ends meet with a small knick-knack candle shop, the girl he knew in High School who would catch his eye on occasion (though there is a new soap shop down the road on my way to work that I might just have to check out only half showered that day maybe for reason to visit, just in case right? – soap/candles? Close enough – seriously, it’s a new shop of soap, how do you do a shop of soap?)

No, this is just me wishing December 26^th would get here already and let me get back to routine because, really, this all just upsets that routine, right? I know that sounds kind of cold, very un-festive, but our ours is all askew right now, as it always is this time of year, and that’s not even taking into account the sick elephant that’s been in the room for almost two years. What obligations, what family, what drives, what presents, what pressures, what credit cards, what regrets, what mistletoe to hide from at parties, what holiday niceties you might have to share.

It’s an upending. I don’t like upendings, no one likes upendings, and I don’t want to share holiday niceties, I don’t ever want to share these niceties if I don’t have to even if I just came about the word in my head for just this purpose here right now and like how it sounds for the moment. But …

////////////////////////////

… despite myself I still feel the need to obligate the season it seems. Got the Memes and a Cricket on a shared lap, with a Bella doing Bella cat napping Bella stuff on a comforter folded into fours on the living room floor and I’m watching a movie, a new one, all no showered weekend stinky (maybe I really should hit that Soap Shop – just in case right?) “A Boy Called Christmas” … and it has a talking mouse. A talking freakin’ mouse!

Son of a bitch.

Was thinking the other day (not recommended by the way – it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, it can take soooo much out of ya and no one really listens anyway) that the Green Acres theme song seemed kind of an obvious thing. An obvious thing when it comes to Margie Q Greene, Queen of the nutters who has somehow come to represent some of us these here days … freakin’ democracy.

Well, I finished up a Friday, a day that I had worked hard earlier in the week to get to, making sure that I had all my shit checked to hopefully coast for the last hour or two before cat and a couple of beers weekend time, before sans human time, before random movie time (thinkin’ “A Boy Called Christmas” to maybe lighten my cynical Christmas heart – I always have to watch one other than “It’s A wonderful Life” for a bit of a reminder) or the latest Netflix or Prime show time (season 3 of Lost in Space / season 6 of The Expanse).

But then I thought again (refer back to not recommended) to the theme song for Green Acres.

So I took a minute … literally just a minute when done … ok, a minute and change.

Greene Crackers

Greene crackers are the treat for me

The favorite snack of the new GOP

Buttered with lies that spread from sea to sea

Keep the truth just give us conspiracies

—

Margie Greene crackers is party’s new face

With Gosar, Gohmert & a guy taking girls ‘cross states

Throw in Boebert with a shiny gun case

it’s a GOP wagon to a really dim-lee lit place

—

The lies

White cries

More lies

Past dies

—

Authority life

Hello fascist right

Greene Crackers we are there

/////

Yeah, what I said about thinkin’

Jacob Marley: Whoooo hoooo oooh (wind rushes and chains doing Jacob Marley wind rushing chain rattling kind of things with approaching footsteps)

Guy: Really dude? That’s a bit dramatic.

Jacob: What? (stop … wind rushing chains sounds coming to a slowed turntable wind down dying hault)

Guy: You still workin’ that?

Jacob: What?  

Guy: I know this can be considered your time but it’s still kind of tired now don’t ya think?

Jacob: No, no it’s not thank you. I’ve got stage time again where I get to Whoooo hoooo oooh and frighten the children with cautionary tales.

Guy: You know you’re just being used right?

Jacob: What?

Guy: Ebenezer, he’s just using you, has been for years.

Jacob: ?

Guy: He’s been building himself up at your expense ever since he woke up and threw some coins in the snow at some kid from a newly opened window for a turkey for Bob and the family

Jacob: … freakin’ sudden goody two shoes, but he was a shit.

Guy: That he was but he’s been redeemed now, new old stories told over and over again.

Jacob: I’ve thought about that

Guy: But what about you? The chains?

Jacob: They are a bit heavy

Guy: Ask yourself why they’re heavy

Jacob: Well, I was kind of dick

Guy: indeed you were. More than just kind of a dick and more than him by the way

Jacob: Can I call someone to kill him? I know a guy

Guy: And you see, that’s just it

Jacob: Sorry, old habits

Guy: Yeah, but no excuse

Jacob: Point

Guy: Does Christmas mean anything to you anymore?

Jacob: No, I’m dead. Just Whoooo hoooo oooh’ing these days and rattling chains. What’s Christmas when Whoooo hoooo oooh’ing is your only gig once a year for a kid’s benefit/detriment or even an adult’s depending on need? It’s just a season, a day.

Guy: It never meant anything?

Jacob: Well …

Guy: C’mon …

Jacob: Ok, it did once. She was the prettiest thing you ever did see standing next to that tree

Guy: Really?

Jacob: I know Ebenezer’s story is more well told, looking sadly through windows at the past, scary futures, sad every days, blah, blah, blah, but she had eyes that would stop ya, could define ya, a strawberry blonde that would just get to a stop’s stop, make you get on the bus even if you were already home

Guy: Why the chains?

Jacob: Ebenezer and I fought and I killed him in my head, that was enough

Guy: No, I don’t think so

Jacob: Ok, we fought about money, the end all, the be all right? and the devil jumped in, gleefully. The devil loves money ‘cause we all love money, or think we do, and then one day I just wasn’t there anymore for him or for her. I was consumed. Chains come with thoughts like that

Guy: Hold on …

Jacob: ?

Guy: How’s this?

Jacob: Is that a couch?

Guy: Yeah

Jacob: (feeling hands around it) that’s pretty nice, how’d ya do that?

Guy: I’m writing this, I can do as I please, hut it is nice huh?

Jacob: Leather?

Guy: No, faux stuff. Leather has family.

Jacob: Nicely done … still … hey, why are you crossing your legs and leaning back in a chair? And is that a pipe?

Guy: Just getting comfy

Jacob: Shit stinks … don’t you got something in vanilla or maybe chocolate … and is that a pen and a notepad?

Guy: Let’s talk Jake, can I call you Jake, Jacob?

Jacob: Do you know what you’re doing, are you qualified for this?

Guy: Nope … but I still kinda look like I fit the part right?

Jacob: Clichéd, but Ok, I’ll give ya that, though a beard would help … well … I was five and my mother was …

//////////////////////////////////////////

Jacob: Wow! That was great. I almost feel like I want a cigarette.

Guy: Whoa, easy big fella. Just a couch and a chair and a crossed leg pipe here.  Ya know we’re just having coffee right? Plus, you don’t even smoke anymore.

Jacob: I could again and … (big swish sound and cloud effect) … coffee. Damn!! Where the hell are we now, what happened to your “no, there could be family” faux leather couch?

Guy: Just license. Nice place though huh?

Jacob: They got scones?

Guy: I’m sure they do

Jacob: Orange ones where you can taste a bit of the rind?

Guy: Sure

Jacob: And butter?

Jacob: Cool, I’ll go get us one …

Guy: Hold on cowboy, that chainy shit of yours makes noise, uncomfortable noise

Jacob: Oh right

Guy: Let me …

Jacob: (light whistling and some smiling nods to others who don’t nod back)

Guy: Orange … with butter?

Jacob: Cool

Guy: You can’t eat it though

Jacob: What?

Guy: Go ahead, try

Jacob: (hand passes through it a couple of times)

Jacob: Son of a bitch. NOT cool

Guy: With ya, and I love orange scones (taking a bite)

Jacob: Really? You suck.

Guy: (mumbled over a mouthful) Do you recognize that couple at the table in the corner?

Jacob: What, over there to the left?

Guy: Yeah (wiping mouth)

Jacob: No

Guy: You sure?

Jacob: Yes, don’t know them

Guy: Really?

Jacob: Yeah

Guy: Isn’t that you and Wendy in the past, Strawberry Blonde?

Jacob: Who’s Wendy?

Guy: The girl you were going to Marry?

Jacob: Don’t know a Wendy. And I was never going to get married. She’s cute though

Guy: Hold on … (Talking into wrist – angry back and forth)

Jacob: Ummmmm …

Guy: Aren’t you Jacob Barley?

Jacob: What? No. I’m Jacob Marley, with an “M”

Guy: (more wrist)

Guy: Ok, my bad, so sorry

Jacob: So sorry for what?

Guy: Was gonna show you stuff, ya know, past, present, future type things

Jacob: No, I don’t know

Guy: Ok, gotta run

(swish sound and cloud effect)

Jacob: Wait! (still in coffee shop) Hello? ……….. Hello?

Guy: (head poke through the clouds) Hey, by the way. Ran you through the system just now, Marely with an “M” and wow, you really were a dick. (head poke out – another swish sound)

Jacob: Ummmm …

Guy: (head poke in one more time with a swish) … and no, you still can’t grab the scone (head poke out with a swish)

Jacob: But? … (empty swipe) … son of a bitch!

//////////////////////////////////////////

Guy with girlfriend: Ya know, they say this coffee shop is haunted

Girlfriend: Really?

(light chain sounds)

Girlfriend: Did You hear that?

(lightly)

Jacob: Seriously? (swipe swipe) It’s just an orange scone for fuck’s sake, C’mon!

A good friend of mine, who is waaaaaaay more popular than me in social media ways that the kids all talk about (waaaaaaay more popular in general as she is actually social) recently posted to the Facebook of having a bit of an issue with Stink Bugs at her place. Seeing this I shot her a link to a post I wrote back in February of my own Stink Buggyness here at the ‘stead, just in case she hadn’t seen it, in a “hey, with ya girlfriend” kind of way, a funny bit.

Well she decided to share my said Stink Bug post and lets just say I got quite a few new eyeballs on it, quite a few, a lot actually. Ahhhhh the power of the popular.

“But Ma …”

“It’s Ok Stephen, we can’t all be popular and … hold that thought, just got a tag … HeHeHe … ”

“Thanks Ma”

Now I realize I’m just talking of Stink Bugs here, nothing ground shaking, just little legs walking and towels and shirts hanging, air buzzing, but it is a favorite of posts of mine and it was nice to have so many new visitors to the Attic to give it an eye and maybe even hang around for a bit (though no hanging around the futon dresser thank you).

Thanks Jonna.

Anyway, a re-post here of that one.

Link here. Stink Bugs & Me.

Cheers all,

This one is to the Dixie Cups “Chapel of Love”. I know, “Chapel of Love” really? How the hell do the Dixie Cups come into the noggin? They don’t but …

… there’s a radio station of the group of stations that I work for that stands out simply for its stand out of quite the mix of styles and genres and eras. A station where you can hear say, Christopher Cross, some random Jazz (the only Jazz really I guess), Journey, Doo Wop, something from “Annie”, The Beatles, Bill Haley, Gregorian chants, the Grease soundtrack (ummm, I have limits) Rupert Holmes, and even some television show theme songs all in around the space of an hour. Ok, maybe not Gregorian chants but, then again, it wouldn’t surprise me.

It’s the musical brainchild of my production boss, Randy, to fill a hole left by our finally abandoned country’s stations, a station that is kind of a musical kitchen sink everything of tunes that he has run with and run with joyous well received abandon.

So there was then, the other day, out of the corner of my ear, the catching of “Chapel of Love”, and it got stuck.

So, I decided to do my own running with …

… another tune.

This one is for all those that have decided, in their finite white wisdom, to start banning books, whitewash curriculums and prove their proud ignorance.

To the Dixie Cups “Going to the Chapel”.

Goin’ to the School Board

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

With banning books now that aren’t

In a real right straight white safe way

Gee we’ve got some issues with works

That don’t teach imagined virtues of a

Re-visioned whitewashing day

— 

GOP’s here

To set message clear

Ignorance sings

Of white patriot things

— 

This country was found

On exceptional ground

And we’ll never teach real truth anymore

—

Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Might throw books on a pyre now

And dance ‘round with a hey hidey hey how

— 

Gee you don’t need a degree

From any liberal leftist factory   

Goin’ to create history  

—

Whistles will blow

And dogs will crow

We’ll set it right

No CRT will be in sight

We’ll ignore slave-ery

Even though it’s part of the core  

And strike systemic from vocabulary’s lore

— 

Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Snowflake about the sensibilities

Of our children’s tender feelings

Gee we don’t know the problem

Of new curriculum’s whitey outcome

Goin’ to the school board of dumb

(yeah-a-yeah-a-yeahy-yeah)

Goin’ to the school board of dumb  

(yeah-yeah-yeah-yeahy-yeah)

Just mind your place and we’ll all get along