Month: December 2023

Well, after a not my fault accident’s way and a week’s worth of emails dancing back and forth with a couple of different insurance folks and phone calls to some other insurance folks to check on why these main insurance dance partner insurance folks weren’t dancing with me fast enough or just to dance with these new insurance folks instead I am at last in a new “ride” after all these insurance folks finally got in line with some kicking hand slapping boots and danced well enough together as a team to eventually get all done that needed be done.

Thank you insurance folks.

You can be on my dance card any day, but hopefully not any time soon.

A few things to note:

First, sorry insurance folks, no slight intended, any frustrations I may have felt through all this were just a me and a me being stressed with the upended, moorless nature of this sort of thing. You were great.

(No insurance dance partner folks were harmed or disparaged in the making/dancing of this “new” ride post).

Always carry collision on your car, no matter how old or how many miles. Whatever dollars you might get back after a collided one is considered in the car wind they are definitely more than you have, if a you is a me of course.

Enjoy momentarily driving your rental, which is almost new, as that will be the closest you will ever get to actually having a new car again (if you is a me), the last and only one you ever had being when Dishwalla and Dada and OMC, Counting Crows, Blind Melon, EMF, the Cranberries, Jesus Jones, Collective Soul and other 90’s faves were on the radio or rocking your CD player (and, well, that one new car got totaled while just sitting in a packed parking lot back then so … take the hint).

When one of the first car possibilities you come about in your search for new, and by chance, and is within your means, is at a dealership you know from work and also happens to be pretty snappy looking, is 5 years and 50,000 miles younger than your last and also happens to be a stick (BB was a stick) which are not easy to come by these days, pretty much sell yourself on it and work from there, so much easier to rule out all the others (how much per month?!! Really? I could rent half a nice place for that in a spot that has a pool and pickle ball courts and is close to all major motorways and trains and downtown shopping).

Anyway, thanks to the gang at Frank Sienna’s Auto Mall in Middletown NY, for really giving me the assist and helping me keep my eye on the initial prize throughout the whole insurance dancing thing.

A pretty, red, 6 speed 2013 Nissan Juke.

A few more things to note:

Of Embarrassments:

You might go on a test drive and find yourself in a spot where you need to reverse after having driven past the dealership on your way back from said test drive and wanting to double back find yourself in need of this reverse but that you just cannot locate it. Know and discover that all stick shifts are not created equal and that said reverse might be something you haven’t come across in all your years of driving stick. Call the dealership to come save your ass from the test drive “Hey guys, it’s Frankenberry, yeah, I have a thing” while you madly wave for cars to just go around, just fucking go around! Find out this stick has a ring thingy on the shift.

After getting to work, finishing your day and really looking forward to getting back behind this new set of wheels, you might find that you can’t start the car, a push button one. Remember your lesson at the dealership of holding the key fob up to this push button with a foot on the break and another foot maybe on the clutch and a third foot you don’t have to hang in an open window on a breezy aimless sunny day to come sometime in the Spring.

Call the dealership “Hey, it’s Frankenberry again, so …”

Anyway twice. I figured it out with the assist and will try not to dread the hoping that it doesn’t happen again come tomorrow. It will come easier, I’m sure, eventually, be just like riding a push button bike.

A good friend said after I sent her a text of the damage from the accident that the “box” is out, so passe (she didn’t say that) BB, my Blue Box is “out” and that I need to find myself something with a bit more “style” (she did say that). After noting to her that I have no style (have you seen my wardrobe?) that style is also commensurate with cost, I mentioned again that I still have no style and just went on to this.

She also said after I sent her the link to my overly dramatic and silly fun song in my Frankenberry’s Attic to mark and lament my BB’s demise that they are just things, have no feelings, are just cars.

Can’t wait to tell her that, though there is no name yet, we just need time to get to know each other, that this newbie is definitely a “her”.

Some pics of my new girlfriend.

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Christmas Eve – pause

As I continue to slowly watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” slowly as to make it last (old man pee breaks or just intentional walk breaks of the apartment talk to cats pauses) I am rapt again as I have always been since my first view, since, well, I can’t quite remember the since.

But I do vividly remember a day when, even though I had already seen it a couple of times I was excited about it being on again. The only problem though was that it was scheduled to air right in the middle of a Christmas Party we were going to at our new neighbors and new soon dear friends on Watermelon Hill Road in Mahopac, NY, the Rabuffo’s. I so wanted to just stay home and watch the clock. I even remember being pretty upset at the prospect of missing it and Mom not being all that happy with me because of this upset. “Oh Hells Bells Stephen! It’s just movie!”

But I eventually worked up the courage, after hemming and hawing in my head, to ask Mrs. Rabuffo if there was a place I could maybe watch the movie in some quiet, another TV, not the one in the middle of all the noise of this party, knowing exactly when it was to start.

Instead of telling me no, to just go out and play with the other kids, or that it would be rude of me to just ignore everyone and her big day she, instead, said she knew just the spot and led me to the TV in her and Mr Rabuffo’s room.

I sat on the floor, got comfy in a lean against their bed (even borrowing a pillow I made sure to put back just right) and watched getting wonderfully lost in the wonderful. Some of the other kids tried to join me or nudge me to give it up and come downstairs and go outside but it didn’t take long for them to tire of the boredom that was me and my complete joy. Thank you Mrs Rabuffo for the understanding of that 12 year old.

Well, back at it (we may have had the toaster, the wheel and sliced bread back then but we didn’t have the luxury of the DVD) … unpause.

Tell me things Clarence and you too Zuzu of angels and petals and bells and new wings.

Merry Christmas all

To Terry Jacks “Seasons In The Sun” (it’s coming at the bottom, hold your horses, story time first)

My first driving lessons so many years ago with my Dad were pretty simple, obvious stuff

Dad: Okay Steph, I know you know this so don’t roll your eyes but this is Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive.

Me: (rolling my eyes).

Dad: Hey.

Me: Sorry.

Dad: So, there is Park, Reverse, Neutral and Drive. I know this is pretty simple, obvious stuff, but you don’t want to confuse them. You don’t want to accidentally put the car in reverse, for example, when you want to be in drive or then you might suddenly become a scene in some comedy film with a destroyed store front.

Me: I’m not going to accidentally destroy any store fronts Dad.

Dad: Weirder things can happen … I saw it in a comedy film … and here are your turn signals. Click right for right, left for left.

Me: Dad, I got that.

Dad: Well, they are really important, especially as you should always use them with enough time ahead of your intended turn to alert any drivers behind or beside you. You don’t want to employ them too late and then suddenly jump from the middle lane of a busy three lane roadway wanting to turn onto a side road, a Corlies Ave possibly, without looking in the outside lane for say something like, I don’t know, another vehicle and then before you know it someone is almost driving into a retaining wall but with quick reflexes, even in their aged years, are still able to avoid said retaining wall, sadly though not the sidewalk they have been forced up onto over a curb with a now blown out tire along with some fancy new Avant guard looking car body artwork.

Me: Wow, that one is oddly specific Dad.

Dad: Just an example Steph, hold it in your back pocket.

That was earlier this week on my Thursday morning way as I fell prey to someone who obviously did not pay attention in Dad’s driving class.

And no, my Dad would never have said anything of the sort. He didn’t watch comedies, he was more a History Channel kinda guy.

Demerits I say and maybe even an essay of explanation.

I still see that retaining wall and the nice pine trees above it that it was retaining though.

But well … my car, my BB is now in the car wind according to insurance folks.

I loved that car. Really loved that car.

We’d spent the last 7 years together doing near and far and to and fro and back and forth driving things and I will miss him. We knew each other’s quirks and foibles … we talked of the world and how pretty screwed up it is, folks at traffic lights looked at us weird with no ear buds to explain, we listened to music together but only on CD because we’re both old … he told me of his previous owner who didn’t really care of him, as a car, just as a vehicle for his own vehicle needs, we worked broadcast High School football games together up the Albany way and burned the midnight oil in post-game drives, we … well, actually I just drove him, but 7 years is still a long time, longer than any relationship I have ever had so allow me to romanticize.

It is funny though … I really do and will so miss him.

There is one silver lining in all of this I guess. In our time, BB and I, I never once spritzed (not proud of it) a Windex or broke out even a damp paper towel. I did though use the stretched out end of a sweatshirt for a side mirror swipe from time to time but things were getting a bit gamey, not a smell, but just gamey dust, dust on dust on top of more dust on more dust and I knew it was time to actually do a bit of cleaning. It was a pretty daunting thought and it was weighing on me. I’m sure even the best of car detailers might have balked at the job.

But then, well, accidents happen.

So, a song then as I like to sing, poorly, but with gusto and do song things with new original lyrics.

An ode then to my BB.

Cheers old man.

(Okay, to Terry Jacks “Seasons In The Sun” now)

BB In The Sun (I was boy, you were car)

Goodbye to you my BB friend

You came along when I needed you just then

Get out Durango money pit

Its maintenance was causing fits

Seemed every five was on a lift

.

Goodbye to you my BB friend

My discontinued Scion to the end

Until that woman tried to turn

Left leaving you then to be burned

Up on the sidewalk you were turned

.

I was boy you were car

Together we went near and far

You got me also to and fro

And even sometimes back and forth

.

You were shaped just like a box

Thumbing your nose at whole S-U-V flock

If you’re in school they would make fun

But you wouldn’t care at all

Away with me from them you’d go

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You were color of decency

Looked it up your color blue-ish green

Who’d a known of such a thing

Teal it was named after a bird

We flew together like that bird

.

I was boy you were car

Together we went near and far

You got me also to and fro

And even sometimes back and forth

.

You were car I was boy

Stick shift you were my real joy

Just were careful on small hills

Drifting back could meet a grill

.

Thought you must then sure have a name

Something to call you then I could exclaim

When idiots they pissed us off

On the road as drivers will

Even in the end idiots still

.

I went with Teal and you a box

TB I thought but braked hard on that thought

TB yeah that would be awkward

BB instead it was to be

Blue close enough and box you he

.

I was boy you were car

Together we went near and far

You got me also to and fro

And even sometimes back and forth

.

You were car I was boy

Stick shift you were my real joy

Just were careful on small hills

Drifting back could meet a grill

.

All our days we had fun

We even rocked under the sun

Open windows loud in song

Though traffic never sang along

.

I was boy you were car

Together we went near and far

You got me also to and fro

And even sometimes back and forth

Alrighty my friends.

Went to my folder of music beds from our production music site that I have saved, saved after searches for tunes for spots, saved because I like them and then held for future reference.

Well, future reference is now and this one with its carnival, circus feel grabbed me and I went with it, the circus carnival that is James Comer’s Biden impeachment distraction nonsense.

Some words and some fun.

Oh James? Your full of shitness is showing by the way …

Comer’s Comedy Caucus

James Comer tiptoes DC halls in the dark

Searching for more allegations to bark

About Biden to his friendly right wing press

He swears this one won’t prove a mess

.

He speaks of conspiracies with foreign enemies

And other entities to surely take bribes

Maybe even laundered money in play perchance

And what of loan to son paid back just so he could drive

Such dire – circumstance

.

And a loan too

To his brother now

Repaid with Chinese dollars

.

Don’t know how

But sure as holy cow

He’ll prove it with no doubt

.

This dog and pony show he’ll keep on with 

Even though he knows it’s all just myth

Empty proof of Biden’s crime syndicate

But he’ll assert sure and stomp feet in fits  

.

Comer keeps tip toing ‘round Congress halls

And skulking pressed up against walls

.

He and his caucus dropped the governing ball

So much infighting … couldn’t govern at all

But they were able all to agree on one thing

Get impeach proceedings underway 

With Trump at the strings 

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James Comer tiptoes DC halls in the dark

Looking for anything for impeachment lark

And distract from real rule of law’s bark

And answer great leaders child’s payback hark 

Ya know I’m not really a Christmas guy, well I’m no longer a Christmas guy, there was a time I guess, as there was a time for all of us, and some of you may still revel in the season, especially if you have littles, or your littles have littles or even if you find yourself finding some sort of magic still, but I haven’t felt the pull in too long a year, there is a jaded life and a world that cries anything other than Christmas thoughts, especially now, so much despair and horror and evil despotic desires from cliche’d though real cartoon devils, how could I even?

But I still find myself wanting to watch Christmas movies for some reason, maybe for just THAT reason, not the cheese of Hallmark things though (well, yes, even the cheese of Hallmark things, actually, especially the cheese of Hallmark things), Carla of the big city being forced for some blunt unsubtle cinematic reason to go back to her hometown with her tail between her legs only to discover that Jake, her old high school flame has been magically and tragically stuck waiting in some sort of small town movie limbo hell and just happens to still deliver groceries, including to Mrs Mason, Carla’s aunt, who somehow hasn’t dropped over dead yet after all these years and has photo’s of her dear Maplethorpe adorning every wall.

Oh, Carla and Jake will accidentally bump heads by the way.

And of course George on a bridge and Clarence granting soon discovered unwelcome wishes? That still gets me, always gets me, damn you Frank Capra.

So in this spirit of the season I recently watched the new Eddie Murphy Christmas flick, “Candy Cane Lane” which was not well received. Bah Humbug I say minus the rattling of chains or redemptive coins tossed out windows for a Christmas bird. I loved it! Such light happy Christmas fun. And I also re-watched “A Boy Called Christmas” from a couple of years ago, a Santa origin story. It’s not great but it is good looking and full of heart and great enough for me to love it again, plus it has an eventual talking mouse who sits on shoulders and a fluttering sprite. ‘Nuff said.

I thinks me thinks to find another today, maybe something completely different, maybe a story of Janice who has been forced to go back home for the holidays after being let go from her big city job only to find that that guy who made fun of her in high school, Bill, is now the owner of and delivery driver for a small farm who delivers groceries in a small Hallmark town hell, including to Mrs Johnston, Janice’s Aunt, who has pictures of her dear Henry adorning every wall.

Janice and Bill might even accidentally bump their heads together to start.

Just gonna change things up.

After Patrick the Cat and his Christmas tune I have another which brings the grand total of Christmas themed songs of mine to two. Now just 6 or 7 more and I can have a full album of shit that I can dismiss out of hand as I hate Christmas albums.

These three need a new adventure though …

Stevie: Seriously, we’re fuckin’ bored

Tommy: Yeah, what he said

Billy: I got the keys!

(from December of last year)

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Thought to another Stevie & Tommy & Billy thing this weekend, them trying to redeem themselves by dropping off their ill-gotten robbery loot at a community center for the kids at Christmas, but of course in the middle of the night and with an unexpected hitch.

Their world

The Heist We let Billy Drive The Car

The Bar Twin Vision

—

We Let Billy Drive the Sleigh

Moved in in a flash

To drop off welcome cash

For the kids at the center

Christmas eve and then dash

—

Me and Tommy

Thought to turn

Ill-gotten gains

In-to kid holidays

—

Tommy had the back door

While I checked on the front

And Billy warmed the sleigh

Without the slightest reindeer grunt

Tommy gave the sign

And I moved then on his mark

He pulled out extra key

That he’d scored a while back

With tommy as a Rudolph

Me wearing Dentist props

We scooted in the back door

Latest score we were to drop

—

We moved careful

Of being caught fearful

But we knew we were safe

Billy’d checked night shakes

—

But then we heard a sound we knew that wasn’t right

It came out of the blue in this middle Christmas night

It came out with a growl like it had angry might

It wasn’t happy and we tried stay out of sight

—

Shit, where’d the dog come from Stevie?

I don’t know man

You said Billy scoped this place

—

A willy nilly dash that could have been fun

At another day and another time

But right now we worried for our lives

Tommy Juked I jived we even made some dives

And even some too cool movie slides

Tapes the cops were sure to watch to give ‘em a smile

—

How the hell did Billy not scope out a dog

Does it matter right now Tommy? He’s got my shoe!

Toss me the money

You’re worried about the money? He’s got my sock!

We still gotta leave it somewhere!! For the kids

Ahhh son of a bitch, catch

Damn, I think the beast grabbed it

Yeah and my other shoe!!

—

And then through back door came bright light

A bit of Christmas magic

—

Hey boys it’s just a me and I got the money here

Just gonna drop it under the kids Christmas tree

The good thing that we do

Our crime sprees now redeemed  

Got the sleigh out the back just waitin’ for a flee

And this guy is Duke if you haven’t met yet

He just loves a little scratch on the head

And don’t worry he won’t make y’all dead

—

Well, can I at least get my shoes back please … Duke?

Ahhh, c’mon, really? They’re all slobbery and stuff

One of the first things I did, parody song-wise years ago, was a take on R.E.M.’s “It’s The End Of The World” and the dangers of a Trump then and how we were screwed.

Then came a respite, a non-Russian influenced vote, a collective “shit, how far have we fallen? How could we have?” … a breath then to Joe …

Well, now we are back in the same screwed boat or at least the frightening possibility of such.

So back to R.E.M. then and another take, this time to “Don’t Go Back To Rockville” and worries of Democracy in a devil’s orange light.

Don’t Go Back To Trumpville

Looking at old hell a new time

Wonderin’ what we’ve done to be so cursed

In the possibility that

The Orange Devil could usher somethin’ worse

Only this time with an even darker promise

With vengeance in his blackened heart

.

He’ll persecute and prosecute

The order of which won’t matter when he’s done

Retribution will be his rally cry

To punish one and all  

And any who don’t comply

And offer fealty on bended knee

With bowed heads kissed rings even fresh lipstick

.

Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
And waste Democracy

.

At night he drinks himself to sleep

Of despot dreams jack booting in his head

He envies Xi and surely Vlad

Even Benito and now new Nazi Klan

Who find in him their great leader to follow

With violence waiting on a call

.

Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
And waste our future years

.

Some though feel that there’s no need to worry

Head in sand they see no real ur-gency

But anyone who’s not head under ground knows the danger that is found

In another orange presidency

It’s not the way to protect our liberty

And our too weak now Democracy

.

Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
And waste our future years

.

Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
Don’t go back to Trumpville
And waste Democracy