The Continuing Chronicles Of A Crazy Cat Lady Guy: Spring (a window)

cricket spring breeze

(over a couple of weekends)

Though it was still a bit chilly earlier, an open window, even for a moment, grabbed a fan of Cricket the Blind

Cricket the Blind:

Dude?

What?

Forecast

What?

Not too cold

Ok, and?

Ummmm?

Oh, right. Open

Thanks. Tomorrow too?

Yep, will do

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bella spring breeze

Still a bit chilly but …

Bella:

Where is she?

Who?

That Cricket cat

Cricketing somewhere

You know I don’t like her right?

Yes, well aware

I didn’t say this out loud

Say what? Almost can’t hear you

She has her smart moments, finding this open window an’ all yesterday

Yes she does

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mimi spring breeze #1

mimi spring breeze #2

Some chilly a bit still but Spring open window sprung

Mimi the Quirky:

They anywhere near?

No

No blind air sniffs?

No

No that one that’s always here?

No

It’s all mine?

Yep

Cool, fuck them

Gotcha

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Cricket singin'

Because there is always a Monty Python reference to be made

Steve, I’d rather just … sing

Stop that, stop that, you’re not going into a song while I’m ‘ere

Trumpy Snacks (song)

After spending a bit of time with my last one, Cult Orange Taxi, which I wasn’t sure of (better than I initially thought … much) I revisited this one. 

It’s one I thought to leave on a shelf but with some listens again it’s not all that bad plus, it’s my blog, I am the only arbiter so why the hell not? Crap or no.

This is one of my favorite tunes from the 90’s and I absolutely love the video, it’s a just TOO cool. Man those shoes.

Fun Loving Criminals, “Scooby Snacks” with the Tarantino movie quotes an all.

Should it probably still sit on a shelf of the maybe’s? 

Maybe … maybe not.

 

Trumpy Snacks

“Everybody be cool, this is an insurrection!”

 

Don and lack facts set the track long ago   

His act election taint would be the big blow  

After mail in lies re-votes’ll be where the enemy goes

He exulted to podiums

Future fraud agendum

And lies don’t matter much

He bought with no cost

Small minds all loudly and blindly so

Singin’

Donnie Donnie Donnie

 

(Is this some Fascist-T love thing happening here people or what?)

 

When loss came the long game went into play

Cries rang out loud … that this was a no go

He couldn’t have lost … hell he even said so

Statistically not possible and numbers were his go go

Made up as they were he couldn’t have been wrong  

They thought singin’ all dumb dumb days long

So they listened to him being done so so wrong

Not to just to him but them that was a no no

 

“Look, I don’t know anything about any fucking election fraud
You can torture me all you want”


“Torture you, that’s good, that’s a good idea, I like that

 

Runnin’ around spoutin’ lies all whacked off on Trumpy snacks

We’ll take your commands

Rush the gates all whacked off on Trumpy Snacks

 

And Pence don’t give a fuck about a noose’s close call

If self respect was in height he’s only inches tall

He op-eds big lie, like he’s money

Though Trump had hoped his feet dangled funny

 

Ron Johnson chimes new times explanation

Antifa hell bent on insurrection

And try blame Pelosi for not calling in Nat guard

10,000 strong Trump numbers lie song

Revisionists don’t care much what they get wrong

Say it enough and it’ll last days years long

But in the meantime you’re votes we leave charred

Suppression will and always be in their yard

Cause they can’t win without playing that card

 

Trumpy, we need you, are we fools?

Nah, you’re tools

 

Runnin’ around spoutin’ lies all whacked off on Trumpy snacks

We’ll take your commands

rush the gates all whacked off on Trumpy Snacks

 

Muddy the waters make the rounds

All whacked off on Trumpy Snacks

Nothin’ to see pundits sound

All whacked off on Trumpy Snacks  

 

You got nothin’ on him

Nothin’

It was no big deal

 

To Pee Or Not To … (song)

So here at House Wiltse (my latest nom of this place – I’ve penned quite a few of them over the last 3+ years always imagining whichever one on a shingle hanging above the front porch) there are a couple or a few or a number of cats. That’s downstairs by the way. You are already well aware, I’m sure, of my upstairs couple or a few or a number of or a three now or a four twice or a five once or even the momentary more when I’ve made the mistake of leaving my door open while doing a load of clothes. But there are a couple or a few or a number of cats downstairs and with that any number comes the occasional issue.

“Hey! Off the counter!”

“Hey! Don’t be swattin’!”

“Hey! I’m wearing a black sweatshirt and don’t have one those sticky rolly things!”

You just learn to roll with them and wear lighter colors.

This is small stuff though, small cat stuff you just navigate knowing that that it is part of the deal. But sometimes the “occasional issue” is one that is more than just a butt push to the floor or an admonishment to be nice or a back off from the sweatshirt you hairy hair hairy. Sometimes it’s an actual issue, like peeing where peeing shouldn’t happen. That’s what litter and its boxes are for right? Not so much it seems.

Celie (my landlady for those that don’t know or land-bestie as my friend Jonna likes to put it) texted me just a week or so ago that she had a song idea for me (you may have noticed I’ve been wont to a parody song or two over the last few years) after one of the couple of or a few of or a number of cats downstairs decided to eschew the litter box and just go free rein, free pee rein.

Cujo.

Again.

She got the thought of the chorus of Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” in her head just with a Cujo pee tint as he surely looked at her and cat said “what?”

I decided to go with that thought and thought some silly while I was at it.

It Wasn’t Me, I Didn’t Pee

 

Yo, Handsome … Open up man

What do you want Cujo?

Mom just caught me

Seriously?

I don’t know how

Where?

In the shower, you know

Man

I don’t know what to do

Well, say it wasn’t you

 

Alright

 

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

 

How could you forget that Mom’s the one who owns this villa

She’s got sixth senses that snap up on her pilla

You keep this up she’s gonna be your killa

She knows it’s you even got ya on camera

Before you were dumb and strolled off into the shower

These humans got tech to catch you any hour

Yeah that’s video your ass up on stovetop

You gotta say it wasn’t you to save you from the next stop

 

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
Heard her screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

 

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

 

Act like nothing happened, that it’s no big deal  

Walk your Cujo walk, denial in your cool

See if you can sing another cat’s fault song

Maybe Sunny with who you don’t get along  

You’re gonna be banished from house for real

You’ll be pushin’ daisies soon for just this deal

You’ll be out garage, house life won’t last

Get caught again and 9th life will pass  

 

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
I heard the screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

 

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

 

Gonna blame some other

For the smell that I’ve caused

Gotta be some other cat who goes and pees against doors

I will tell her that maybe it’s because of the dogs

I’ll just make sure they don’t catch me

When they figure mad cause

 

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

 

Celie came in

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me I do say

I didn’t pee I will say

Celie came in then

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me

Meow

The Continuing Chronicles Of A Crazy Cat Lady Guy: 3 Computer Chairs

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Okay. I’m gonna stop ya right now, before you even start getting all high an mighty about how I should know my place, that I shouldn’t go shootin’ above my station, that I should just keep my head down and defer.  But I have THREE computer chairs now. Suck it.

Like the finest of the fine with doilies under every lamp, majestic chandeliers hanging over your head in grand vestibules when your entry has been announced with white gloves and tails, like momma being too particular and always thinking of the big day and it’s company I have an extra computer chair now, twice, three computer chairs being two more than yours. Alright, that’s a little much, there’s no correlation in sounding all privilege and 3 computer chairs by the way.  It’s just me being dramatic but still feeling a bit fancy. No, I have no idea how three computer chairs equates to fancy, it’s just the seeming and joking excess that’s kinda cool. 

You see Cricket the Blind is a pain in the ass. However much she may be good sleep company, the best of sleep company, grabbing that nook between two pillows with a paw on a shoulder and the comfiest of a night’s almost sleep when you need it the most she is an awful computer cat. Always squirmy and moving, never settled. Thus, a third chair.

Typing around her, a right hand click click with a left hand butt hold, or a left hand click click with a right hand butt hold, she always proves to be just no good at this Steve wants words with both hands thing.

Three computer chairs

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There was a sun room and a blind cat. A room and a cat I would make my way to, a destination, on a daily basis when I first moved in here after convincing Celie that I was an alright guy (yes Todd Snider, I gotchya) convincing her that there was nothing to be concerned with, with a me, when it came to this new soon to not be stranger venturing into her house, and through the kitchen with hello’s to all the kit gang, Hey Honey Bob Tail “Boo”, Hi Handsome, Sharky, Bunny, what’s up Chubs and a prairie dog stand up, Lola, Florida, Cujo, Trucker under the table on a chair, the always Bruce owning this place with his Billy Idol smirk’s seeming disdain, others I may be missing, yes, Bella Bird, you too and I got your new water and then into the sun room. Cricket was an extra hello that I found necessary. She still needs a pick up to behind my right ear daily as I always did when I would finally make my way to the back of the house and that sunroom.

Then came some new company in this sunroom spot and I worried of Cricket the Blind and the interaction with a blind cat and a newbie.

“I can bring her upstairs with me for right now” I said to Celie, trying to avoid the possibilities of a bad meet between the two.

That “for right now” has turned into 3 years and an always right now. She has found a singular human, has found that daily shoulder behind the right ear lift. But she is, as a I mentioned earlier, a pain in the ass. Everything that cats do, from water bowling, to meowing to litter boxing Cricket does annoyingly. The water in bowls is an argument she makes with it, splashingly and messily, her meowing is more a loud meowl sounding wail like she’s mourning a loss, the litter in its box is a fight she picks with it throwing it about around her like some well crafted scene from a martial arts movie with kicks and lunges and tosses or a bugs bunny-like digging a hole or tunnel, dirt/litter cartoonishly being thrown behind her.

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When I sit down to scribble key a few words it’s usually with a Memes on my desk on a bar towel, always looking not quite comfy and a part of the quirky, a Bella in a chair next to me (she always has to be) and a Cricket asleep in my former ass warm spot in front of a leaned wall pillow on the bed. But then Cricket will awake, “She is ALIVE!”, lightly stepping down to the floor and then to roomba around spots in this little place, head bump turn, meowl, head bump turn, meowl, head bump turn.

Eventually the head bump turn roomba meowling will put her at my feet and the need of a pick up … to my lap and being a bad computer cat. But I noted that when I find the need to get up, to pee, grab another beer, or to just get up to walk a bit around this place, surveying my comfort, she’ll be all good with a lay down on my chair. Another ass warm spot. That’s when I realized if only for another chair. One for cricket, one for Bella and one to sit in with a Memes cat in a lap after she wants off her bar towel as she’s the best at that cat lap sit, just on my left hip.  If I get a fourth chair you might wanna call someone for an intervention. 

But I think I’m good with three now. I know, it sounds crazy cat lady guy-like but it really is somewhat practical from my perspective and, again, almost kinda fancy but … well, it works and I can type with both hands. Right Memes?

Memes and a computer lap

Cult Orange Taxi (Song)

This one doesn’t rate with my last I don’t think but it’s still pretty alright. Another parody tune about our present madness, this one to “Big Yellow Taxi”.

Cult Orange Taxi 

He paid no price, and now they still prop him up   

The Johnson’s and Gaetz’ and the rest who drink from golden lie cup

This isn’t how this all should go

Seditionists still caught in the throes

Allegiance to cult

Ignore our democracy

 

Ooooh, bop bop bop

Ooooh, bop bop bop

 

Find words to absolve no matter how dumb they be

Retreat to safe votes on false tech-ni-calities  

No No No

This isn’t how this all should go

Seditionists still caught in the throes

Allegiance to cult

Hit hard the re-visioning

 

Ooooh, bop bop bop

Ooooh, bop bop bop

 

Hey people people we might as well give up the ghost

Of rati-on-al thought in the wind now with a GOP lo-ost  

Plea-ase

This isn’t how this all should go

Seditionists still caught in the throes

Allegiance to cult

Believe only his lies screed

Hey now

Allegiance to cult

A fascism ecstasy

 

Ooooh, bop bop bop

Ooooh, bop bop bop

……..

They claim armed revolt wasn’t what it seemed

They distract lie away from what was really seen

 

This isn’t how this all should go

But seditionists know no low too low

Allegiance to cult

Still wishing autocracy

Hey now now

This isn’t how this all should go

They work as team to block a sane flow

Allegiance to cult

Lies are some strong ammo

Allegiance to cult

Corrupt personality

Hey Hey Hey

Allegiance to cult

Ignoring all truth it seems

 

Ooooh, bop bop bop

Ooooh, bop bop bop

……

We can’t just forgive it

Can’t forgive it

Can’t just go let it move along-ong-ong-ong

 

Can’t just forget it

Can’t just leave it

Can’t let them sing a new lie song

 

We can’t just pass it a-long

Move it along

As lies continue to play

Hey Hey Hey

Can’t let them control

No matter now what they say

 

Nah nah now

Nah nah now

 

Can’t let him get away now

Allegiance to cult

A fascism ecstasy 

 

Nah now now now now now

 

Allegiance to cult

A fascism ecstasy