I Did …

I threw a stickball no hitter in my backyard

I mowed a “G” into the grass for Gail, my crush

I had my heart broken

I broke a heart (s)

I drove hundreds of miles on my own to a new thing

I opened many birthday presents

I started smoking

I regretted that

I kept a comfy place for cats

I rode my bike to make me feel like I was being healthy

I forgot my bike and sat fat assed

I gave an assist to an older woman of tall stuff at the grocery store

I went to college

I kept 40+ years lifelong friends

I complained

No one listened

I wished of aliens to take me away probings ok if such

I sang and even danced on occasion

I brought my glove to the ballpark, always, no matter my age

I looked at things differently, maybe, with the years

Years

I got angry

I got sad

I got happy

I got a little crazed

I told myself it would all work out

I did / do life

I wasn’t dead before it could start

I wished someone would let our youngin’s do the same

So Then Sunday … Trumpian Design (song)

You know I’ve been doing my ‘parody’ song thing for quite a while now, goin’ on four years I think, some of them have been pretty good and some of them have been absolute shit. But I thought I’d go back today to my first one when I was part of Morning Show. It was about a story of “intelligent design” and the attempt to rename creationism to make it sound more science-like. Don’t get me started on that nonsense. Now the production quality on that one was pretty rough and it was also 17 years ago and I had only been back in radio for a couple of years (after a six year layoff) so my production skills were still a work in progress.

It was to one of my favorite tunes ever, Dire Straits “Industrial Disease”.

Though that initial attempt wasn’t all that good (lyrically it was – it made a point of the dumb) I decided, a number of years later, December of ’19, to update it to the then current state of orange madness we were in.

This new one still made a good point of the dumb.

/////////////////////////////////////////

There’s warning light’s a flashin’ for a Trumpian reprieve

There was some election riggin’, with some Russians up a sleeve

But Dem’s they did some diggin’ to more meddlin’ goin’ round

And now they’re out to make sure that the walls they come down

There’s a meeting in the Congress they’re talkin’ of impeach

One side says yes let’s do it, to the other it’s a reach

But the other side’s brought nothing but debunked conspiracies

Goodness me could this be a Trumpian Disease?

–=

The President feels justified in talking to the folks

Refusin’ to be quieted and sayin’ it’s no joke

His phone call it was perfect, no ulterior design

He wasn’t tryin’ get help for this new election time

But there’s panic for the Elephant’s these Donkeys all are nuts

The oft repeated tired spin will tell you what is what

That the problem that persists with the Dems all of the time

Is them fighting against great leader’s Trumpian Design

State news pundits sure are down with perpetuating lies

Even Moscow Tucker claims he’d be Ok with Russian ties

Of rooting them to victory if that need be the case

Or condemning ol’ Ukraine to help trump D who’s his ace

And Trumpy’s lackey lapdogs are now picking up the pace

Of lies needed protect him ‘fore the Senate do they race

Where they’re better able set the Circus Trump he so inclines

To make a victim’s case and prove his Trumpian Design

Now William The Low Barr declared

There’s no crimes to be seen here, he’s the President ya know

He’s above law, never fear

Now he hired me to be his hatchet gun and yes man shill

To protect from prosecution while I drink this orange swill

So I openly investigate investigators then

Prove wacky 4 chan theories of disloyal deep state men—

So I can come back with a pre-determined breaking news release

That will prove out the correctness of a Trumpian Disease

Now we go down Washington DC where they’re in the muck

Of a swamp that ain’t been drained just deeper & run amok

With all his jailhouse friends most found under a bus

But there’s still some who are waitin’ to hear a pardon’s fuss

While his blood bound GOP who he’s got upon their knees

Say yes sir, no sir, of course sir, anything that you please

We’ll protect you oh great leader from the dreaded Dem blue sleaze

We’ll throw up smoke & mirrors for you on your Trump Trapeze

They’ll point out they’re the enemy to keep folks mute & blind

That they should be a’feared of Dems & all those of their kind

That they speak of socialism & the evils of the trees

But you’re the God chose new Messiah heaven gave ya keys

Meanwhile God just throws his hands exasperation real

He can’t believe what is unfolding just what is the deal

A party selling country out while building a lie shrine.

To their new Monarch’s Trumpian Design

Yeah, that’s it … a Trumpian Design … Hey producer guy? Yeah, you … can we get the sound of ya know of tanks and a flyover here or somethin’? … the sound of boots too, tall ones, really hard heels … boots doin’ some marchin’ … well crowd noise, good idea … get some crowd noise …  big crowd noise though, ‘kay? … then, maybe throw in some of the best words from some of the best speeches … by any President … ever … this is gonna be great!

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

Take It To The SCOTUS (song)

Ok, I don’t really have much for the saying right now in the way of a post, just a Supreme Court thing (though I did work “bereft” into the lyrics … I know, I’m good that way).

(to the Talking Heads version of “Take Me To The River”)

We don’t know why you livin’ like ya do

G O P can – help you un-blue

We stole two seats now to leave you bereft

Of any hope of what – fair was left

And we wanna know – and we’ll – tell you

Progress stops right here

 —

We’ll take it to the SCOTUS

A court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To lead it around

Backwards where we’ll be found

 —

The extremists are not on the left

That’s just cry rally we’ve always kept

No radical court – it’ s square to the right

They hem and haw but it’s in plain sight

Want you to know, can’t you – see how

We lead them by the haaaaand

 —

Take it to the SCOTUS

A court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To drag your rights down

Backwards where we’ll be ….

 — 

Crosshairs, dazed stares, we don’t care, what you want here

Till we can’t,

Till we can’t,

Hold our glee at

Our own court’s red de-crees now

 —

It’s a court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To lead it around

Backwards where we’ll be found

break

We don’t know why you’re stewing like ya do

Bout all the rights – next in the queue

To be struck down now  – with radical hand

Voting women equal they don’t stand a chance

 —

Want you to know now

That your rights now

Are up to Uuuuusssss

We’ll take it to the SCOTUS

A court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To lead it around

Backwards where we’ll be found

We’ll take it, we’ll take it, we’ll take it to the SCOTUS

They’re all ours now and we’re gonna have them show us

We’ll take it, we’ll take it, we’ll take it to the SCOTUS

You’re gonna regret that you didn’t vote for us

We’ll take it, we’ll take it, we’ll take it to the SCOTUS

We own them now and they’re gonna send us backwards fast

So Then Sunday … Kingmaker (song)

I know this one is only from last November, the end of another High School football season, one of my favorite things, but it kinda rocks and I like it so …

////////////////////////////////////////////

(from Nov 20, 2021)

After 10 weeks of some Friday Night Lights Football return where I made a few well needed bucks and was reminded of enjoying the hell out of myself on these nights again after a COVID year’s layoff, walked some pretty darn good High School Football sideline games with my parabolic along the way or some not so much (rain games with lightning bolt holds, penalty flags like confetti and curious overtime finale’s) but whose nights caught up with up with me and my sometimes old, especially the last two cold ones, I finally got a chance to NOT Friday Night Lights Football with our season done and just hang in my little studio after work knowing that I was going to get home and then hang with the girls and a PC and headphones at a reasonable hour, no driving up the state at the end of a regular day for a two hour ride, a five hour work a game and a two hour return.

Mimi the Quirky wouldn’t rasp at me tonight at my late. Cricket the Blind wouldn’t feel as needy after a finally sat lap and little Bella wouldn’t just stare in her wide eyed disapproving blinklessness, as she blinklessly does at the door wondering where the fuck I’ve been, but instead, wind sprint across the hardwood excited that it wasn’t one in the morning.

I was back at a MY return Friday, a regular Friday, though a still a make a point Friday it seems, always wishing I didn’t have to make some point again, thinking that after 10 weeks of not making points and thinking of only immediate things, like that one kid rushing and passing Kyler Murray-like top of game, where the world was just yards gained and pretty tip toe pylons, crowds roaring or crowds cursing, that maybe the need for making points would have faded a bit while I was sidelining in a temporary no need for points to make kinda world.

Hey, a boy can dream right … but if I’m going to have to make a point again?

A new it needs be tune then … and loud

////////////////////////////////////////////

(To Green Day’s “Troublemaker” from “Uno!” … have instrumental and new lyrics will travel)

Kingmaker  

Yeah!

Woo hoo hoo

Hey!

Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight

Hey!

They wanna control the states

So next time vote around they’ll mess ‘bove ground

Mold sham results for self-serving tastes

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers

Hey!

We like your lie moxie cool

Obstructive whitewash of what was true

It’s quite impressive in its attempt at coup

Hey!

His Rally’s his palace days  

He’s sounding loaded, old lie bloated

In his propagandist playbook word salad way


They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers

Hey!

Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh


Yeah!

They saw election pass with result a bad state

So pass suppression laws before it’s too late

Present these measures in a group all for one haste

Integrity’s at stake the big lie is the play that they make

Hey!

Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight

Hey!

They do their do

Hey!

A lie’s whose who

Hey!

Who know the screw

Hey!

A fascist stew

Hey!

So Then Sunday: Earrings For Mom On Mother’s Day

(from this time last year)

Dad: (outside voice in the car) Oh, Stephy, your mother would like it just as much if you just made her something, made her a card, you know, draw her a picture and make her a card, with lots of colors. You like to draw. Tell her how much you love her. (inside voice) sorry Stephen but we’re NOT going to the jewelry store.

Me: But Daaaad, I want to get her something nice and she likes earrings, the long ones, can’t I get her some earrings?

Dad: (outside voice) Well I have to stop for gas, you can get it if you’d like.

Me: Can I?!

Dad: (inside voice) nicely done Joe (outside voice) Of course, I need a full tank for work on Monday and you can make sure of it, then we have to stop at Red Mills for a few things your Mom wants us to pick up for dinner tonight.

Me: Then maybe to the earring store?

Dad: (inside voice) damn he’s good (outside voice) Well that’s a little bit out of the way and we don’t want to be late for your Mom right?

Me: No, I gueeeess, she’ll get mad. Tomorrow maybe?

Dad: (outside voice) Well, tomorrow is already Mother’s Day plus we have to get the things she wants and then go to church and then come home for din …

Me: Ooohhhhh Chuuuurch?!!! But it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow!!

Dad: (inside voice) sigh. (outside voice) Church doesn’t think about things like that, you still go no matter what day tomorrow is. I’ll tell you what. We’ll pick up a few things your Mom doesn’t know about.

Me: Like what?

Dad: Some color markers and some paper, the big paper so you can make her that card, a really special one. Maybe even some other things to add to it. So much better than earrings

Me: Really?

Dad: Oh, yes

Me: One of the ones with so many colors? The big box?

Dad: Yeah, but just between you and me of course.

Me: Oh … of course … of course? … oh, of course … Yes.

Dad: (inside voice) whewww … wow, I hope Red Mills has some flowers.

Not quite the same Ma, but Happy Mother’s Day. You too Sis. Love ya.

Mom's Day poster

 

Friday … We Want You To Be We (song)

I get no greater joy than a Friday night … really Steve, you don’t say … sorry, I guess that’s kind of an obvious thing right? duh? huh? Friday? But not something like, say, a Friday of my youth where stupid might have been my wingman and no matter how I may have tried to corral him he still remained stupid.

No, I get no greater joy now than a Friday night solo and maybe a new thing (stupid? Love ya brother, you had your moments … oh, and you still owe me 20 bucks by the way … ) or even a not new thing. Maybe just some simple words or the Magnum reboot season four, it should be tonight if it’s not taking that annoying seeming random week off or maybe Blue Bloods the same case (is it just me or is it just too funny cool that a show with Tom Selleck is preceded by a Magnum P.I. reboot? … yeah, probably just me).

But a new thing for me is a bit of tune, an attempt at saying something at a Friday, things, pieces sung in my little studio and emailed home followed by a somewhat late car ride and late cat hello’s and late cat food bowls and late apologies for a soon to be one mindedness with headphones and an editing.

And it doesn’t even have to be any good.

I get no greater joy than a Friday night.

(this one is for all the conservatives out there who somehow feel that THEY’RE being persecuted in their beliefs by not being allowed to dictate how everyone else lives – Fuck you)

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

(to Cheap Trick “I Want You To Want Me”)

We Want You … To Be … We

We want you to be we

We need you to be we

We’ll force so please just a-gree

Can’t have you livin’ feelin’ free

We want you to be we

Not right to live to your own de-gree

We know what’s best as only god does decree

We’ll shine up our partisan court, the one that’s been godly bought

Parade them over your free thought, make sure that you are sin free

We’re tired of spending time feelin’ persecuted

We need able dictate how your lives are executed  

It’s not fair to watch you all go about your happy dailies

While we’re forced to fret and live with all your evil failings

We want you to be we

See country the way that it should be

Revisioned right light history

One white and straight you’ll all see

And shine up on all old hurts, of unallowed to convert

Bring handmaids to life, ‘cause we know just what is right

Will we neglect children after grabbing their first real air

Of course cause hypocrisy we’ve got plenty in spare

We’ll only find our end until it is that you all stop tryin’

Pursuit of happiness is up to us to do the decidin’

Ohhh!

We’ll work in a morality play’s future dire warnin’

But that future won’t know it from this backwards day future dawnin’

Ohhh!

We want you to be we

We need you to be we

We’ll force so please just a-gree

And gay marriage is soon next up on the tee

We want you to be we

We need you to be we

We’ll force so please just a-gree

You’ll thank us soon you’ll all see

So Then Sunday … IT’S NOT A FREAKIN’ PORTAL!!

(Yes, I realize today is Tuesday for this “So Then Sunday” post … what of it?! … but these “So Then’s” are my take on a Throwback Thursday kinda thing, that I occasionally do on Sundays re-posting older bits that is happening on a Tuesday here instead and yes, I do sometimes eventually wonder what the hell day it is)

From Facebook, Sunday May 1st where I linked this older post:

In talking with a good friend at work recently about, well, nothing really, just the talking that gets you through the day, in a good way mind you, the best of talk, that talk of that nothing and some everything, he mentioned having to log into the “portal” of his medical account or something of the sort, like “portal” is somehow a normal thing.

It made me think of this post from a couple of years ago.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(posted here in the Attic June 23, 2020)

When I recently had an allergic reaction to a medicine I’ve been taking for just a short period of time that blew my face up into a bulbous early Halloween costume winner I was relieved by a couple of things.

One, there was the relief after the urgent care Doc gave a diagnosis, that was then confirmed by my doctor, of it simply being said allergic reaction and that it wasn’t something that was … ya know … gonna dead me.

And two, I was relieved that my “bold” “dangerous” “fierce” “had us trembling under the bed” new look, as some influencers and trendies may have exclaimed, didn’t last very long, and, more importantly, not long enough for the villagers down in the town to make the discovery of the new monster up on the hill forcing them in anger and fear to their woodsheds and barns for torches and pitchforks and Sharpee’s for crudely fashioned and misspelled signs.

But of course that relief couldn’t be allowed to last very long now could it, as later on that afternoon, when checking my bank account online I realized that instead of me just paying my 40 dollar co-pay before I was seen, I had somehow, accidentally, paid my entire balance of 1300 hundred dollars instead. Son of a bitch.

Yeah, that came as QUIIIIIIITE a shock, even more so than my lumpy, just not quite right porridge face, though for those of you who know me I’m sure you don’t find such an accidental occurrence all that surprising, but that would have caused some serious issues in the Land of Steve if I couldn’t get it reversed.

Eventually I was able to get things worked out and get my money back but in the process I also realized, shit!, I have a balance of 1300 bucks with these folks, so I asked the woman who assisted me if I could set up a monthly thing, like I have with a number of creditors for medical bills stemming from my hospital limbo shuffling slow hallway hospital socks for nine days discovered adrenal deficiency something or other requiring a daily steroid dose now vacation a few years ago. I asked if could set something up for, say, 25 bucks a month, like I do with the others only to be told that they don’t set up automatic payments for an amount as small as that because, of course, why would they? I mean if you’re gonna keep up appearances of being part of the remarkably unaffordable world of U.S healthcare you gotta even have payment plan standards that are difficult.

I figured though, that I would just go to this company’s website, find my account and start paying this 25 bucks on my own. I’d get the small money ball rolling at least. Easy right? HeHeHe. Oh, you are so gullible my friends. No, first thing I discovered, and I haven’t been to the site in a while, not since I set up the account years ago, was that they’ve changed their password requirements “FOR YOUR SECURITY” as well as added some new steps of verifying who you are.

Now let’s get one thing straight, and I don’t think I’m alone here, I DON’T WANT TO CHANGE MY FUCKING PASSWORD!!! And it’s not like this is some monetary account, like my checking or my HSA or that stash in the Caymen’s from that last bank job (the one Billy almost fucked up – and I SAID “don’t think Billy, please just don’t fucking think, just drive the car Billy … just … drive … the … fucking … car”) or the stock investment portfolio I don’t want to brag on about. I mean, what’s the concern here? That some no goodster online meanie person is going to hack my account and do what? Pay my bill?

And I don’t want to come up with a new password with a minimum whatever the hell they’re asking for now, like 37 characters, a capital letter, a number, a symbol, any town in Bulgaria but spelled backwards and a trucker handle from the 70’s.

And the other new security measures. 5 questions? Really??!!

Well, and I don’t care if you all know, but my first girlfriend, my first pet, my second Grandma on my mother’s side, my third Grandad on my dad’s side and my fourth Elementary school after I was kicked out the first three are all, coincidentally, named Bob.

But, once you get past all of this, you are then ready to log into … the Portal?!

Ok but no, hell no, that’s the last straw. It’s NOT a freakin’ Portal!!! it’s just me logging into my account at a website! If I’m going to enter any type of “Portal” it’s going be something space age and futuristic and all science fictiony and shit. It’s going to transport me to another dimension, take me to the future, drop me into a world that isn’t as batshit crazy and astoundingly dumb as this current one, it’s going whisk me away to a universe with all the rainbow of colors alien chicks Captain Kirk slept with (I’ll bring condoms though, the large size, just in case, I mean ya never know what weirdness might arise in this strange new universe. Plus, love James T an’ all, but I don’t trust where he’s been) but it’s definitely NOT going be my boring and depressing account, life, at a medical company’s website with a history that just shows me getting old with a daunting balance.

Well, anyway, I stopped at “Portal” and closed things out before it spirited me away to someplace even more exciting than my medical bills, like maybe the details of my bankruptcy 7 years ago or my tax return history.

I’ll try again tomorrow I guess.

Freakin’ portals.