Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything … 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs … damned humans.
Well, I went shopping again late last week for another new cat box, which, as I have mentioned before in my Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide, can be rather expensive these days, upwards of 60 or 70 bucks. Luckily this time around though, I only had to spend $30 and change (I had a 50% off receipt from my last cat box shopping excursion to use towards a new one) but, sadly, I bought the wrong size.
It was a little small as what previously had been a perfect fit for Cricket the Blind …
… was not so much for Bella (she could probably go with a salad on occasion). She is though very considerate and, not wanting to make me feel bad for my gaffe (never been good at buying things that require correct sizes for the ladies) said in her big unblinking Bella eyes kinda way in a box bulging at its sides, after I asked her what she thought and if it were too small “No, Steve, this is just fine … it’s perfect as a matter of fact, I love it!”
“Really? You like it? You’re not just saying that? I was worried about the size.”
“No, not at all. Like I said, it’s perfect!”
“Oh, that’s great!”
She then whispered while starting to scratch at fresh tissue paper before climbing in … “F-You box, and don’t you dare say a word, I makes fits so you better works with me here or this simple tissue paper scratching will only turn into something waaaaay worse for you. Gots me?! This is for Steve.”
“See? I fits!”
“Awww” (crazy cat lady guy smiles).
Note: as previously mentioned in the Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide (Tip #344 of tips #342 through #347) when searching out new cat boxes, possibly even expensive ones or even ones, in this case, one that you save a bit on with a 50% off receipt from your last cat box shopping trip always make sure they come with the added bonus of a pair of sneakers, preferably Sketchers.
Thought I’d revisit the Beatles for a new parody. Now Kevin “has anyone seen my spine? I know it was here somewhere” McCarthy when asked about rolling back some of the almost criminal tax cuts they gave away back in ’17 (no surprise that Trump’s only signature moment was to give rich folks reason to be even richer rich folks) said there are plenty of tax dollars coming in, we don’t need to roll anything back. But of course, at the same time, in the name of sudden fiscal responsibility, we need to keep the avg American’s dollars in check and cut, cut, cut.
When I first started to editorialize via tune, 5 plus years ago, realizing no one was going to read my shit but that they might, instead, toe tap along to said shit in song the Beatles were my go to including even an “album” worth of songs at one point. The Orange Album.
So a bit of comfort food/tune then.
Baby, it’s a Tax Scam
“So whats we got on the agenda today boss?”
“I’m thinkin’ we get dem GOP folks to savin’ us some more money. Udderwise, we don’t be supportin’ ’em with any more of OUR money”
“We gonna play the country for dupes again?”
“You knows it Mugsy”
—
How does it feel to be GOP privileged people
Knowing they put you ‘bove the rest
Padded bank accounts will attest
Reward for support of who is best
A thank you with more in store
—
How does it feel to have recognized ravenous gre-eed
Know divide’s what they do seek
Wealth kept away from weak
What do you plan with your new gain
Hope keep ridin’ the money train
—
Baby it’s a Tax Scam
Baby it’s a Tax Scam
Baby we know what we do
Ya keep all your money in your stock buy backs
It’s what ya do, country we’ll screw
—
(ohhohh)
Baby it’s a Tax Scam
Baby it’s a Tax Scam
Baby we know what we do
—
How does it feel to laugh at the unfortunate people
I have a couple of Spider Plants, Erica & Syd (what? I name things) that were gifted to me by my sister about 7 months ago. They have done quite well here at the ‘stead being very planty in their growing while listening to me babble at them or eavesdropping on conversations with cats. I think though that they might be part of my sister’s nefarious plan to have them overwhelm me where eventually I’ll be found dead in some lush, overgrown garden and she can then split my third of our inheritance with my brother.
Anyway, Erica has taken to sprouting babies, Sylvie and Ned, and Ned the long singular one? He almost looks to have some Faerie qualities so at least if my sister’s dastardly plan does come to fruition I know I will be well taken care of by the folk.
Celie (my landlady) has been doing some work in the front of the house and looking out my window earlier while sitting here at the PC I saw that Handsome had found a new tall spot to sit, as cats are wont to do.
So I thought to a little Seussian thing then … and that.
Cat on a CAT
And a handsome named cat thought to sat somewhere at
In a place that was tall where cats do feel fat
In lording like barons to view holdings anew
Over world not so flat from new heights would be at
So I am sure that most of you have gotten or continue to get unwelcome texts phishing for personal info, usually with a link they’d hope you would click on that tells you that you have an unclaimed package at the UPS Store or that your checking or credit card account has detected a problem or that you have been flagged for national security concerns with your recent combination of purchases at Stop & Shop of cold cuts, lettuce, mayo, red onions, a specialty bread from the far end of the store and 50 bags of fertilizer that, if put together in just the right combination, could help you make a really nice sandwich, or possibly build a bomb (with a snack now for this build in a dark one workbench single lamplit smoky overstuffed ashtrays basement).
Usually just texting STOP can be enough to make this current text go away, well, until the next one. “we regret to inform you that your father’s estate …” “your Walmart account that you don’t have is due to expire …” “this is Discover card and, dude, you bought that? Oh, that is SOOO NOT your look. Just confirming your order … please contact us here”
But I have this recurring one, texts that will hit me every few months and always with very new personal attempts to engage in an “aren’t you?” kinda way and always with a few pics of the same pretty young woman in various situations to attest to …
“Waiting for you at the restaurant, hope you get here soon, I ordered the wine.”
“Little Millie (holding dog) misses you, how about we go to the park?”
“Jenny told me to get in touch with you.”
And this recurring one hit me with a new attempt today.
“Hi, are you the yoga teacher that Stephen referred me to?”
Now, this one made me laugh, for obvious reasons. One, though it did get my name right, was of the wrong person unless there are two Stephens in this new story and Two, if so? Seems no one in this phishing-land machine is actually doing their homework, no, they’re just being lazy.
A teacher? C’mon, I ain’t no teacher of things.
The yoga though? That almost got me, as that is actually a daily practice of mine, right after waking up bleary eyed from another night of shitty sleep and gingerly placing a sleeping blind cat to my left and saying “good morning” to a not blind cat in a computer chair and to some spider plants in a window (It’s important to talk to them) so I can curse to my legs slowly dragged over the side of the bed with said bleary eyes faced in my hands to then get my day started with some yoga. Yeah, they got me pegged. Maybe they ARE doing their homework.
I responded with “Seriously? Stop now, lose this # … I have some yoga to practice”
This was followed with “Sorry for the intrusion.”
I responded then, trying to be kind, “All good” thinking maybe this might be done, again, for now.
But alas …
“I think it was God’s plan for us to meet”
My response was an exclamation akin to a mom and a trucker and a “if this were God’s plan, that would only confirm that he is certainly dead if the best I could do to meet someone was through a phishing text from an imaginary woman who gets to the restaurant first to confidently order wine for the both of us, has a little dog named Millie and a friend named Jenny who apparently knows me. Now please, just go away … again” and then I got this.
“I practice going to aerial yoga”
Whoa! Hot damn!! Stop the phishing presses!! Aerial yoga?!?! I don’t even know what the hell that is but it certainly changes the whole dynamic of this thing now doesn’t it, she being all limber and as adventurous as aerial yoga sounds? Interest suddenly piqued!
Now I do feel bad for the poor girl who’s images have been stolen for this one of many phishing expeditions we all come across. I’m sure, as I see the pictures attempting to lure me, that she’s very nice, she and her little dog too, that she lives in a nice part of town, maybe even upscale in a fancy loft apartment of those fantastical loft apartments in TV shows or movies that no one really lives in in the real world, and certainly not worthy of that character from whatever show or movie you are watching, has a very satisfactory or even exceptional life with a good job, where she jogs to the gym and eats well and has friends who play board games every first Friday of the month with a lot of good play “Hurrahs!” but all while not knowing that someone keeps sending me a her, that maybe she even experiences the same phishing thing on her end (though I truly hope it doesn’t come with pictures of me in return … no one wants that, seriously, no one wants that, plus that would just be really weird and come with a Twilight Zoney sounding music bed).
No.
Note to surely nice young woman who keeps being sent my way every couple of months? Apologies.
I am, though, still curious about this whole aerial yoga thing. You don’t by any chance know anything about that do you?
Just askin’.
(Extra Note: As I wrote this, I got another text, though from a new number “Hi, are you the yoga teacher who introduced Stephen to me?” Seems it’s still a story of two Stephens, though slightly turned. I kinda want to meet the other one now. Maybe he knows the girl in the pictures from that non-existent loft apartment. I mean, I’m sure she is really nice).
A good friend of mine recently posted to me at Facebook of the arrival of a new member of the family of Monster Cereals, Carmella Creeper. (thanks Patty, I didn’t get the cereal text alert for some reason … thought for sure I was on the list).
Fixing up her room here in the haunted house here as we speak.
For those that may not know my name is actually Frankenberry. It’s not a radio handle (my gig) I invented somehow, or a name for this Blog, as some have thought on occasion over the years, that I may have decided, maybe drunkenly they thought, that a pink strawberry flavored Frankenstein looking monster cereal character would be the perfect name to attach to a radio persona or to a Blog from an Attic.
No, Stephen J Frankenberry to be exact as my English mother would surely and adamantly have you note. And Stephen with a proper “PH” (no, not a water thing, though that apparently can be important) she would also add. Not some Americanized “V” as she always viewed it. Not that she thought less of anyone with that “V” mind you, though maybe silently thinking such of the parents, “It’s not their kids fault” she surely thought.
“I’m sure they are all very fine Stephens but with a “V”? … sigh”.
The cereal came out when I was 7, in 1971 (yes, I’m old) and inspired many the jokes then and ribbings on long school bus rides and also prank phone calls on the weekends that would drive my mother mad, in a “mad” monstery kind of way I guess huh?
“Hello, is Count Chocula there? (click)
“Hello, is Boo Berry there?” (click)
A few years later
“Hello, is Fruit Brute there? (click)
She, in her very English just off the plane only 8 years earlier, had no idea what prank phone calls were.
“Joseph Frankenberry!! You and this bloody name!!” followed with a “Hell’s Bells” and many other very English expletives that she would eventually get a bit more explicit with but with an English accent which just made them sound really cool.
Whatever and well, I have always been inextricably connected to a pink strawberry flavored Frankenstein monster cereal character and am quite fond of it, even have a tattoo on my forearm to proclaim Monster Family solidarity.
So, to find out that I have a cousin?
Well now, that was pretty exciting.
////////////////////////////////////////
Nice to make your acquaintance Carmella, and welcome to the family.
So, a couple of things. I tend to walk around the haunted house here in only tighty-whities, neck bolts and my big ass scarred head head accessories clutching a one eyed teddy bear, the Count can be a little arrogant and is something of a night bat with his late night TV viewing of horror and Hallmark flicks (he finds it very amusing that somehow the two aren’t really all that distinguishable from one another), Boo is a sweetheart though a little flighty, and Fruit Brute is a bit unpredictable and will most certainly leer at you. Just remind him that we are family and that this isn’t the South … oh, and that you will kick his ass (he’s all talk). Yummy Mummy visits from Egypt on the holidays and has his own room with a sarcophagus in the basement.
Oh, I’m also historically, according to the TV commercials, a bit of a scaredy cat, so if you can keep the “Creeper” part of “Carmella Creeper” to a minimum I would appreciate it. Your room is all the way up at the top of the stairs in the attic loft bedroom with a great crow’s eye view of the graveyard in the front lawn. It’s a pain in the ass to mow and weed whack around all the headstones but is still quite eye catching (though the HOA are NOT fans and don’t find the same aesthetic in it that we do).
But again, welcome to the Monster Cereal Fam Carmella!! Lookin’ forward to October!!
Brute, seriously? What did I tell you about her being family?! Really Carmella, feel to kick his ass!!!
Haven’t posted a So then Sunday in quite a while. For those that may be new here (my sincerest of apologies if so, you apparently have lost your way) a So Then Sunday is entirely my own creation, it’s not a “thing”, just an excuse for me to re-post stuff I like … on a Sunday. It’s like a Throwback Thursday just on a completely different day, a one that ain’t a Thursday and one that usually happens 3 days later just minus all those one hitters from the 80’s and 90’s.
This is one of my faves of the parody tune thing I try to do, not a parody here of an existing song though, just some words instead to an instrumental from the production music bed site at work, and a one with a lot of words, and done fastly. I like that. Lots of words done fastly (yes, “fastly” is also not a “thing”).
//////////////////////////////////////////
September 11, 2022
Alright, a new experiment, and a bit of current anger’s fun. Came across a bed at our production site recently that had a really cool sound and beginning and some nice changes within and I thought well, how abouts working some lyrics to it as I have done a couple of times with my “She Said (Old T-Shirt)”song and “We Let Billy Drive the Car”.
No actual song for parody, just a production bed. Though this isn’t lyrics of a me thing or a fun story to be told, this keeps in the vein of the current nightmare, but still a trying to keep within the tune. I guess these production site music beds can sometimes serve as my “band” huh?
So here’s this.
Are we viewing a surreal horror
Or just watching angry parody
Only funny in horrific ways
Tickets bought a play called tyranny
Our seats quick sand of ignorance
Till lifelines thrown early history
But still grasp false reality
—
Theatre
—
Now don’t bother me now, Mom I’m only dancing
In the aisles I’m prancin’
But not in gay way I’m singin’
Bout what end days are bringin’
Performance art playing out at schoolboards
Angry small minds at chalkboards
Who chalk up hate in loud chords
—
We sing of Devil’s discord
Threatens normal we should afford
Only to those who live accord
Cause if you can’t you’re not on board
That train rolling over those told to
To straighten up and fly right
And only to the right, right
No other way to fly right?
Right?
—
It’s time now to get on page
To help us harken back to better days
Where men were men and women knew their place
And where the lessers really had no face
And history didn’t happen as they say
No it was wondrous patriotic way
And the whitey’s always saved the day
With better of country their only play
—
“Hey now, that sounds like Jazz … we don’t do jazz here … there’ll be no jazz … though, we could appropriate it … whattya think Cletus, we could appropriate it right? It’s an idea … and hey, whoa, hold on, that sounds almost a little funky … we don’t do funk here … there’ll be no funk here … though we could appropriate this too and probably even dance to it with wide lapels and wider pant legs in an embarrassing way and pay lip service to the lesser players … and don’t even go there on blues if that’s next by the way … though we could appropriate that too … but you know what? we got country, good ol’ American country is ours … top Lee Greenwood and Charlie Pride and Toby Keith if you can… hey, why you laughin’?”
With Ron DeSantis continuing to attack education in his Florida petri dish test case of a new All American Fascist State, a Florida as America platform, a one of ignorance, free thought be damned (the actual indoctrination) and with yet more states threatening teachers that don’t educate in conservative straight white safe ways and even possibly criminalizing the truth?
This one keeps popping up in my head.
From 2 years ago and I have re-posted it here before.
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heart felt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune, sometimes I even get a little poetic. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
frankenberrysattic.com 