A Frankenparodeliscious: Some Tunes With Intent

When you’re trying to write something new but ya got nothin’ but bad poetry for the moment you think to other avenues, maybe compile some of your political tunes/parodies from the last couple of years into one post as a distraction, something you wanted to do anyway.

The bad poetry will still be waiting though. It’s always waiting.

(to Elvis Costello’s “Pump It Up”)

Mock it Up

Jim Jordan feels import

Says this is of utmost

Importance of a sort

He gets to what is his real sport

Saying gov is weapon sent

While he’s Jim sweaty bent

Fig’ring new distractions

Nothing else matters

Mock it up

Even though we don’t need it

Fog it up

Distractions we feel it

Says gov weaponized

But not in the right right light

If you’re gonna weaponize

We want it with a left left prize

So we can order lives

Get “others” all in line

Mock it up

We’ll fake it and sell it

Fluff it up

Distractions fall for it


Jims been a bad girl

Livin’ in his Trumpy world

Does what he can

To make truth go in a whirl

Living Trump bat ass unhinged

This’ll truly make ya cringe

Sycophant I’ll call you sir

Run through border walls I’m yours

Mock it up

We work in post truth now

Muddy up

Jim Congress waste time now

Now in a passion show

Start demanding DA’s show

Papers bout the real blow

To great leader you should know

We’ll keep him above the law

Not right to hold him account

He came to us from down the mount

We’ll make sure law for him don’t count

Mock it up

We work in post truth now

Fog it up

Jim Congress waste time now

Mock it up

There’s only our truth now

Muddy up

Making point to waste time now

Mock it up

We will make up the rules now

Fuck it up

G O P new false truth now

New post truth now

Different set of rules now

New post truth now

Call ourselves Ruth now

Hit homer for Trump now

Clear bases of truth now

Prayer call the lord and how

Charlatans gather up now

Cause god is Trumps cow

Call for pro-tests here and now

Insurrection again now 


(to the Green Acres theme song)

Greene Crackers Part II

Greene Crackers has more thoughts you see

Though that leads to scary possibilities

Now she wants red states simply to secede

With no thinking who it is that pays for all their needs

Margie Greene crackers howls ironical  

How libs are fascist devils taking us to hell

They try to be inclusive but their woke’s a death knell

To her Christ white oppression in her genuine fascist spell


Libs fought


Libs shot

Autocracy’s wife

Marge fascist right

Greene Crackers she wants there  


(to the Mighty Mouse theme song)

Danger Ron (Mighty Mouse DeSantis Theme Song)

Mr Crow he never hangs around

When he hears this frightnin’ sound

“Here I come to save white day”

That means that Danger Ron is on the way

Yes, when histry’s taught not solely white     

Danger Ron will pick a fight

Say no classroom legit’macy

Of lessers having part of history

It’s a clear and present danger

To the ex-ceptional

Rewrite he will instead to fit right’s call

Right’s call, truth’s fall, white’s tall, patriots

Free thought’s only his to decide

To all others he will deride

Thoughts of inclusivity

Danger Ron’ll even ban diversity


He just flies in now to save us all

From real truth that can’t stand tall

Against Danger Ron’s fascist tries

He’ll sure cut the lessers down to size


(to the Talking Heads version of “Take Me To The River”)

Take It To The SCOTUS

We don’t know why you livin’ like ya do

G O P can – help you un-blue

We stole two seats now to leave you bereft

Of any hope of what – fair was left

And we wanna know – and we’ll – tell you

Progress stops right here


We’ll take it to the SCOTUS

A court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To lead it around

Backwards where we’ll be found


The extremists are not on the left

That’s just cry rally we’ve always kept

No radical court – it’ s square to the right

They hem and haw but it’s in plain sight

Want you to know, can’t you – see how

We lead them by the haaaaand


Take it to the SCOTUS

A court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To drag your rights down

Backwards where we’ll be ….


Crosshairs, dazed stares, we don’t care, what you want here

Till we can’t,

Till we can’t,

Hold our glee at

Our own court’s red de-crees now


It’s a court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To lead it around

Backwards where we’ll be found


We don’t know why you’re stewing like ya do

Bout all the rights – next in the queue

To be struck down now  – with radical hand

Voting women equal they don’t stand a chance


Want you to know now

That your rights now

Are up to Uuuuusssss

We’ll take it to the SCOTUS

A court beholden to us

We’ll take it all to SCOTUS

Partis’n arm we made thus

To lead it around

Backwards where we’ll be found

We’ll take it, we’ll take it, we’ll take it to the SCOTUS

They’re all ours now and we’re gonna have them show us

We’ll take it, we’ll take it, we’ll take it to the SCOTUS

You’re gonna regret that you didn’t vote for us

We’ll take it, we’ll take it, we’ll take it to the SCOTUS

We own them now and they’re gonna send us backwards fast


(to an instrumental I didn’t know that I discovered from our Prod site – a one I really like as it took the most work)

Tyranny Theatre

Are we viewing a sur-real horror

Or just watching angry parody  

Only funny in horrific ways

Tickets bought a play called tyranny

Our seats quick-sand of ignorance  

Till lifelines thrown early history   

But still grasp false reality


Now don’t bother me now, Mom I’m only dancing

In the aisles I’m prancin’

But not in gay way I’m singin’

Bout what end days are bringin’

Performance art playing out at schoolboards

Angry small minds at chalkboards

Who chalk up hate in loud chords

We sing of Devil’s discord

Threatens normal we should afford  

Only to those who live accord

Cause if you can’t you’re not on board

That train rolling over those told to

To straighten up and fly right

And only to the right, right

No other way to fly right?


It’s time now to get on page

To help us harken back to better days

Where men were men and women knew their place

And where the lessers really had no face

And history didn’t happen as they say

No it was wondrous patriotic way

And the whitey’s always saved the day

With better of country their only play

“Hey now, that sounds like Jazz …  we don’t do jazz here … there’ll be no jazz … though, we could appropriate it … whattya think Cletus, we could appropriate it right? It’s an idea … and hey, whoa, hold on, that sounds almost a little funky … we don’t do funk here … there’ll be no funk here …  though we could appropriate this too and probably even dance to it with wide lapels and wider pant legs in an embarrassing way and pay lip service to the lesser players … and don’t even go there on blues if that’s next by the way … though we could appropriate that too  … but you know what? we got country, good ol’ American country is ours … top Lee Greenwood and Charlie Pride and Toby Keith if you can… hey, why you laughin’?”

We know now, we know the only right right

We’ll push till you surrender fight  

Tyranny now in plain sight

Though we’re too dumb to see plight

Instead looking at it as insight

To future where we new white

Will own again some of you then

Own all your rights superior

Restrict your vote and then some 

Or change votes depending on outcome

Sham democracy gets its run

Till realize too your rights are gone

Tyrants don’t care of your song

Tyranny theatre ticket bought

Backstage phone it sounds now

ring ring

Hello, it’s me great leader



(to “High Hopes” from Frank)

Woke Hopes (little dictator song)

Next time you’re told

To be woke isn’t bold

By a Ronnie who scolds

Know he just trolls  

Just what makes little dictator rant

About some things that he says ya just can’t

Eyes open to inclusion now

A weakness you can’t allow

But we’ve got woke hopes

We’ve got woke hopes

Hopes not turning blind eye to the “other” folks

But when you need a bigot’s screed

To tell you what truth’s to heed

Just remember his rant

Ohhhhh …

Ooops, there goes another Ronnie slam

How being hu-man is just another scam

Ooops, there goes the truth a now also ran

Ronnie now calls

To his herd of mind smalls

That they must all stand tall  

Or think to brawls

Now Ronnie says CRT is just crap

Doesn’t fit his supremacist rap

His white kin they were ex-cep-tional

Racism don’t even track

Cause he’s denier of truth

With slaves country didn’t build roof

And if you say otherwise

Laws he’ll pass making rights go poof  

So anytime you hear Ron speak

Know his white’s been tweaked

And he just won’t couch for that

Ohhhhh …

Ooops, there goes some more to demonize

Inclusive compassion that’s a bunch a lies

Ooops, here goes some hate to try on for size    


Ron threatens anyone who don’t agree

With his hist’ry tree

Don’t be of them and not we

Ohhhhh …

Ooops, there goes another truth to turn

Ooops, there goes another book to burn  

Ooops, there goes democracy to be spurned

Mm Mm


(to the Mamas and the Poppas “California Dreamin'”)

Autocratic Dreamin’

Democracy’s in straits (Democracy’s in straits)

Getting dire by the day (dire by the day)

New Reich says it’s ok (practically they say)

To let it fade away (let it fade away)

Embracing a big lie’s how (embracing a big lie)

Help usher in a new way (usher in a new way)

Autocratic dreamin’ (autocratic dreamin’)

On such a darkened day

They stepped off of the ledge

All willing still offer pledge

Into abyss of endless lies (and lustful power cries)

They almost seem to pray (almost seem to pray)

To a god of broken things now (god of broken things now)

Broken with real bad intent (and where violence sings)

Autocratic dreamin’ (autocratic dreamin’)

On such a darkened day

… break

All the truth is down (all the truth is down)

To be changed by the day (change it by the day)

Even history (even history)

Won’t stand in the way (won’t stand in the way)

Rewrite it backwards forwards (rewrite it forwards backwards)

To fit just what he might say (fit just what he might say)

Autocratic dreamin’ (autocratic dreamin’)

On such a darkened day (autocratic dreamin’)

On such a fascist day (autocratic dreamin’)

On such a darkened day 


(to Iggy Pop’s “The Passenger”)

We Are

We are the hypocrites

We’re pro-life but abandon born kids

Body autonomy’s a right against masks

And vaccines you’ve no right to task

Don’t tread on me, no you can’t even ask

But female autonomy’s a thing of the past

We’re disingenuous

We cry at vigils of schoolkids

More lost to our well paid hubris

We thought and prayer and rationalize

Blame our morality‘s claimed decline  

Not in our war chest for power outsized

Our lack of action is your fault it’s not ours

We sing la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Pompous self righteous is what we all are



We are

We are the Christianists

Women’s rights we won’t allow

Rape incest even under-age now

They’re just a new day’s opportunity

While we strut about in our piety

Making sure you bring about babies

Promptly out of mind once do the light they see


Free speech is what we insist

The right to misinform

The right to prop-a-gan-dize

And you can’t criticize now

Speech is what we decide now

We’ll legislate what you can and can’t say

Or violently bring your free to waste

Got our own rigged election plan

100’s GOP’s in on the scam

Break at states the will of them you’ll see

Not of the people but new you and me  

Results just for GOP’s new you and me

Our vision of a Democracy that’s just died

We sing la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Minority drunk w majority court



We are

We are the activists

From the court we legislate with new twist

It’s not the leftists we warned in past

Boogeymen to scare conservative kids

No it’s a Clarence bloc with a backwards breath

A new Christian way with a brand new breadth

And scope of what rights just might be next

And how we now can control your ways

The ones we know the Devil helps sway

Generations precedent progress gone away

A Singin’ la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la


La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la

We are

We are exceptional

Shoulder above all the ne’er-do-wells

Who think history’s about truth’s to tell

Not our re-write aleviate guilt

With no systemic racism cloud

We were just caretakers of a new world 

On the back’s of lessers who still owe us the price we paid

Singin’ La La La La La La La La La

We are


(To Green Day’s “Troublemaker” from “Uno!”)



Woo hoo hoo


Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight


They wanna control the states

So next time vote around they’ll mess ‘bove ground

Mold sham results for self-serving tastes

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers


We like your lie moxie cool

Obstructive whitewash of what was true

It’s quite impressive in its attempt at coup


His Rally’s his palace days  

He’s sounding loaded, old lie bloated

In his propagandist playbook word salad way

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers


Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh


They saw election pass with result a bad state

So pass suppression laws before it’s too late

Present these measures in a group all for one haste

Integrity’s at stake the big lie is the play that they make


Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight


They do their do


A lie’s whose who


Who know the screw


A fascist stew



(to Cheap Trick’s “I Want You To Want Me”)

We Want You To Be We

We Want You … To Be … We

We want you to be we

We need you to be we

We’ll force so please just a-gree

Can’t have you livin’ feelin’ free

We want you to be we

Not right to live to your own de-gree

We know what’s best as only god does decree

We’ll shine up our partisan court, the one that’s been godly bought

Parade them over your free thought, make sure that you are sin free

We’re tired of spending time feelin’ persecuted

We need able dictate how your lives are executed  

It’s not fair to watch you all go about your happy dailies

While we’re forced to fret and live with all your evil failings

We want you to be we

See country the way that it should be

Revisioned right light history

One white and straight you’ll all see

And shine up on all old hurts, of unallowed to convert

Bring handmaids to life, ‘cause we know just what is right

Will we neglect children after grabbing their first real air

Of course cause hypocrisy we’ve got plenty in spare

We’ll only find our end until it is that you all stop tryin’

Pursuit of happiness is up to us to do the decidin’


We’ll work in a morality play’s future dire warnin’

But that future won’t know it from this backwards day future dawnin’


We want you to be we

We need you to be we

We’ll force so please just a-gree

And gay marriage is soon next up on the tee

We want you to be we

We need you to be we

We’ll force so please just a-gree

You’ll thank us soon you’ll all see


(To Sammy Davis Jr’s “The Candy Man”)

The DeSantis He Can

Alright everybody

Gather round DeSantis man is here

Now what kinda country he want?

Ignorant, compliant, revised history, brainwashed

A Fourth Reich?

He’s working on a right plan because only DeSantis can

Who can take agenda (who can take agenda)

Of a fascist POTUS dream (a fascist POTUS dream)

Put it into practice Flor-ida a test run scheme

The Ronnie can (the Ronnie can)

Oooh DeSantis he can (DeSantis he can)

DeSantis he can

Test there his despot plan, prove self a new strongman

Who can make the classroom (who can make the classroom)

A site of culture wars (a site of culture wars)

Make them a battleground to settle whitey grievance scores

The Ronnie can (the Ronnie can)

DeSantis he can (DeSantis he can)

DeSantis projects into classroom learning texts

Indoctrination’s pre-text

And then he just bakes everything at stake

A vision’s cake of normal crumblin’

He’ll make the gays and blacks go runnin’

Applaud him please for his true cunnin’

Ohhhh who can fudge the numbers (who can fudge the numbers) 

Of a shit COVID response (a shit COVID response)

And jackboot whistleblowers who point that out at once

The Ronnie can (the Ronnie can)

Oooh DeSantis he can (DeSantis he can)

Collateral damage was always part of the plan 

No worries if base at hand

And then he put the brakes on election takes

That his was one of real gold standard

Integrity it must be mastered

The big lie being votes true bastard

Yeah Yeah Yeah

Who can add police force (who can add police force)

For this claimed integrity (this claimed integrity)

And have it to intimidate new SS just for he

The Ronnie can (the Ronnie can)

Oooh DeSantis he can (DeSantis he can)

DeSantis he can Democracy it’s not the plan

Fourth Reich new Uncle Sam

DeSantis he can even take a Disney stand

Free speech an also ran

DeSantis can

DeSantis can

DeSantis he caaaannn

DeSantis can

DeSantis can

DeSantis he caaaannn

Alright everybody

That was nice

Break it up now

It’s curfew

Go home

Stay straight

Stay white


(to Sammy Davis Jr’s “The Candy Man”)

The GOP Can

Alright everybody

Gather round GOP man is here

Now what kinda country you want

Sweet white grievance, ignorance, revised history, gun pops?

Anything you want

You’ve come to the right klan because only the GOP can

Who can take elections (who can take elections)

Sprinkle with Big Lie (sprinkle with big lie)

Claim the last gold standard but hinder future tries

The GOP (the GOP)

Oooh the GOP can (the GOP can)

The GOP can  

Make all else an also ran

Results already planned (results already planned)

Who can make our schools get (who can make our schools get)

Riled up to re-invent (riled up to re-invent)

Teach versions where our hist’ry has an only whitey bent

The GOP (the GOP)

The GOP can (the GOP can)

The GOP projects in some wishful burning texts

They’ll make all a-gain good

The GOP rakes everything at stake

Over coals of division

This di-vide their only true vision

Damn the Libs forcing decisions

Ohhhh, who can take invasion (who can take invasion)

Of an ally’s sovereignty (an ally’s sovereignty)

By a murdering despot and admire with great glee

Some GOP (some GOP)

Oooh some GOP can (some GOP can)

Or others they can in hypocrisy their brand

Decry horrors at hand

But then they all brake at more public takes  

On how they feel of orange missives

Expressing his more bromance dishes

To this now well they’ll just dis-miss it

Yeah yeah yeah

Who can yesterday now (who can yesterday now)

Forget it with a glance (forget it with a glance)

And build it back to suit them any real truth held askance

The GOP (the GOP)

The GOP can (the GOP can)

The GOP can Democracy that also ran

Warrants new Uncle Sam

The GOP can be shameless in their scam    

corrupt new order looks good



The GOP caaaannn



The GOP caaaannn

Alright everybody

That was nice

Break it up now

Yeah go home


(to Dave Matthews “Ants Marching”)

Pawns Dancing

They wake up always grasping

At conspiracies of the big de-feat

That they say didn’t happen

Even with real truth so right-fully



Tinfoil hats gleam in the sun

One powered by the big lying orange one

And they all walk the same line

Like drunken lemmings’ nose to ass that cliff is just fine


They take to their knees

Willing blind fealty

Tethered not reality

Indentured to cult

Blood oaths easily took

GOP share the same sign

New astrology for stars to now a-lign

In their own special lie sky

No other sky is right for stars now to a-light


Take to their knees

Willing blind fealty

Tethered not reality

Indentured to cult

Blood oaths easily took


He looks down from gold tower

Directs his masses to cower if ranks are broke

You must tow the company line

As truths are mine and your minds must keep time


As all you little pawns keep dancing

Marionettes in my power play

Look to the stars for new king’s

Star’s shine to show you the right waaaaaaay

Orangeman controlling the thoughts

Of a party hopelessly lost

Watch his dogs cut back on the vote

With a bleak end, dark end cut the hope

And an end to an autocrat lend

Democracy pop 

You’re dead

Take to their knees

Willing blind fealty

Tethered not reality

Indentured to cult

Blood oaths easily took


Blood oaths easily took


(to the Green Acres theme song)

Greene Crackers Part I

Greene crackers are the treat for me

The favorite snack of the new GOP

Buttered with lies that spread from sea to sea

Keep the truth just give us conspiracies

Margie Greene crackers is party’s new face

With Gosar, Gohmert & a guy taking girls ‘cross states

Throw in Boebert with a shiny gun case

it’s a GOP wagon to a really dim-lee lit place

The lies

White cries

More lies

Past dies

Authority life

Hello fascist right

Greene Crackers we are there


To the Dixie Cups “Going to the Chapel”.

Goin’ to the School Board

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

With banning books now that aren’t

In a real right straight white safe way

Gee we’ve got some issues with works

That don’t teach imagined virtues of a

Re-visioned whitewashing day


GOP’s here

To set message clear

Ignorance sings

Of white patriot things


This country was found

On exceptional ground

And we’ll never teach real truth anymore

Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Might throw books on a pyre now

And dance ‘round with a hey hidey hey how


Gee you don’t need a degree

From any liberal leftist factory   

Goin’ to create history  

Whistles will blow

And dogs will crow

We’ll set it right

No CRT will be in sight

We’ll ignore slave-ery

Even though it’s part of the core  

And strike systemic from vocabulary’s lore


Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Snowflake about the sensibilities

Of our children’s tender feelings

Gee we don’t know the problem

Of new curriculum’s whitey outcome

Goin’ to the school board of dumb


Goin’ to the school board of dumb  


Just mind your place and we’ll all get along


(to OMC’s “How Bizarre”)

How Repub

Big lie it shotgun rides, McCarthy at the wheel

Headin’ Mar-A-Lago to co-mmiz about steal

A new plan it was hatched then, right after riot’s zeal

After kneel ring kiss the two saw how this should go

Campaign of vote suppression with a spankin’ new cash flow

McCarthy genuflects then says we’ll work on Fili-Joe

How Repub  

How Repub

How Repub

They stay course mis-inform’, more openly than before

First voting then vaccines now, workin’ at death’s door

Of democracy and lives now, Elephant’s they know the score

How to politic both with a loud crazed cultish roar

How Repub

How Repub

How Repub

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

Ring master he directs, says make Donkeys have regrets

For not buying into Country’s patriotic cultish sect

We’re showing you white way now, yet ya still deflect

The truth of where road’s going to where we’ll intersect

At Ignorance Way and Main Street with a future surely set

You’ll be minority major

Too slow now to react

Where chance was had to save from dark political intellect

And you’ll learn now how to,


To genuflect

How Repub

How Repub

How Repub

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)

Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

They’re bubblin’ up

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I look just down (Every time I just look down)
There’s a new lie to be found

Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up


(to Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”)

Neo Fascist Man

It’s Doomsday clock on an everyday

GOP wear a watch

They check their wrists – for the end of us

Great experiment to now call a loss

They say It’s time has passed can ya follow me

It won’t really be all that hard

There’s a new road to take while the truth we will fake

A dead dream just not in the cards

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

Sing us a song Neo Fascist man

Sing us a song of lies

Rewrite for us a seen history

Till no longer believe our own eyes

Now the GOP practice a longer game

State and by state they block votes

Or they gerrymander – so to stay in command

As they can’t win with votes honest’s go

They say integrity’s at stake in our system here

Must restore voter confidence

And they’ll disenfranchise with no color the prize

And all because of the Big Lie

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

Now McCarthy holds true his great leader

Kool Aid drunk while supporting the cries

Of an unhinged one, carny barker and some  

Whose show now attracts nothing but flies

And McConnell says partisan politics

Are the only game Dems wanna play

While hypocrisy drips from his marble mouth

Lockstep lemmings minority sway


Sing us a wrong Neo Fascist man

Sing us a song of lies

Rewrite for us a known history

Till we no longer hear as it cries

GOP gambles Dem dreamers

Whose justifies are like some swiss cheese

Manchin and Kyrsten to any who’ll listen

Are standing just notice them please

They’re determined to center attention

Nonsensical their fantasy fight

To preserve the one thing that is killing the dream

Of every last of us be deemed

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

Do us all wrong Neo Fascist men

Break with democracy’s ties

Cause we’re all in the mood for autocracy

Till we no longer hear our own cries

I Still Got It & Staying One Step Ahead Of The Bad Guys

The usual at least once a week stop at the grocery store was in order tonight, I jockey it back and forth from Tuesdays to Wednesdays as it’s important to change things up, don’t wanna be too predictable in the schedule for those sketchy bulky guys who surely have heavy foreign accents and have been on your tail recently waiting for just the right moment to black hood abduct you into the trunk of a sedan that is too small for them where you listen for possible location sounds of maybe trains or boat horns or airplanes, thinking you’re so smart to do such just in case, to an eventual nondescript abandoned warehouse in the (mad lib a one here) district to find out just what you know about that thing and everyone involved in that thing that accidentally interfered with THEIR thing and that they don’t believe for one second that YOUR thing stepping on THEIR thing was an “accident” at all.

(after pulling off your hood quickly and menacingly) “Who sent you about our thing??!!!”

So, on this Thursday night (just tryin’ to stay one step ahead) I made my way in, did my round from the right of the store to the left, tomatoes, a red onion, some cold cuts and cheeses on the right to that Tuscan White bread discovery from not too long ago, but a bread need thought holding in the back of my head for as long as possible as it’s waaaay on the left (just at the head of the beer aisle) and that end of the store can take a while, like forever!, to get to, so I clutched it hard in the noggin as ya can’t make a sandwich without it, didn’t wanna forget, then hit some aisles in between.

The one with the Arizona Green Tea that also includes this store’s bargain items that I eventually buy one or two of that I don’t need thus making them not really much of a bargain after all, the one with dressings (do you need some new Bleu Cheese for future wings and Cricket the Blind shared dinners or maybe mayo or horseradish mustard for aforementioned sandwiches), the aisle for beverages and my Polar seltzers, the pet food aisle and hoping you might find something for your other pet charge, Bella, that she might finally not turn her nose up at in her finick with a disdainful southern belle-esque swish of the head as if I were the worst cat dad ever “Do you even know me?! Hummphhh!!”

But in the midst of my searchings here now of some Fancy Feast choices there was this dude.  

He looked confused.

“I recommend the Savory Centers” I said.


“Yeah, it’s sorta cat crack-like”

“Thanks. My partner has a cat named Cecil, he’s kind of a dumb cat but I’ve been sent”

“Well, sent solved. Can’t go wrong with the Savory Centers”

He then proceeded to tell me of Cecil the dumb cat and a Cecil the dumb cat story followed with small talk.

“So, how was your day?

“Ummm, Ok, yours?” (well, Bella might like this one, I thought, as I continued my search head down in the shelves checking off “yes Bella’s” and “no Bella’s” and “maybe Bella’s” in my head)

“Alright but tiring”

“Me too but hey, tiring is alright” I say “as long as we still got gigs that pay the rent and buy beer and cat food right?”

I tell him I have a couple of cats of my own and know my cat stuff, and have had more in the past, maybe even enough at one time once to qualify for crazy cat lady guy status.

More small talk then …

“Hey, are you straight?”

“What? Oh yes … yes I am”

“Damn, that’s too bad”

“Sorry to disappoint my friend”

“Well, you are a good looking guy”

“Jeez, thanks … much appreciated”

Some laughs and a “have a good night”, “cheers dude, hope the savory centers work for your partner’s Cecil the dumb cat” and we were on our way.

Then I was thinkin’, ya know, if I were an older and gay Ralph Malph from Happy Days I would have said to myself, to the camera, “I still got it!!”


At the check-out, where I used a Vanilla gift card I bought on the dark web, I loaded my few items into a reusable bag from a rival grocery store and nonchalantly made my way out the back of the store through an “Employees Only” swinging door and then out the loading dock where, earlier, after changing into a plain dark ballcap pulled down tight over my eyes and momentarily leaving my cart in the paper goods aisle (the paper goods aisle can take some time figuring the TP ply, deciding on just the right paper towels, name or store brand, do I need, as a single guy, the colorful decorative tissue boxes or is plain alright etc, the perfect cover) I had slipped out to move my car and then slipped back in to my cart with plain tissue boxes in hand (I thought of the decorative ones but I’m kinda boring).

I laughed to myself, driving off, thinking at the sure bulky sketchy guys with heavy foreign accents driving around the parking lot in a too small sedan loudly cursing in said heavy foreign accents as to how I had managed to give them the slip yet again.

(I do watch a little TV by the way).

An Open Letter To Mother Nature: A Request

Ok, Mother Nature, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll be more diligent with my recycling than I already am, I won’t litter and make anyone cry in 70’s commercials, I will conserve as best I can, I will stop urinating in the neighbor’s flower garden ruining their Daylilies, I will use and tout eco-friendly products whenever possible (as long as there are no religious concerns/objections, because there always are, with everything and anything, hell, I’m sure someone is feeling persecuted in their beliefs right now just by the mere availability of the Right to Shower Joy Shampoo Bar in honeysuckle ($7.99 at Amazon)

“Freakin’ heathen preverts aints gots no shame Bev! … Bev? … Bev?!”

“What Hank?! Give me a few minutes will ya!! … actually a little longer … I’m in the shower!”

And I will even unmute my TV from my usual stream commercial break mute for ads for electric or hybrid cars.

You in turn just give me more weather like this in the evening that makes for such beautiful pictures when I get home, maybe just a scootch warmer if you could though, just a few degrees, nothing drastic, and then let it stay for a bit huh?

Ok, well, you just let me know Momma N, I’ll keep checking open windows and in the meantime I’ll start on my end of the bargain.

Probably best that I do anyway, I heard the neighbors just installed cameras.

A Crazy Cat Lady Guy’s Cat Guide: A convenient list of tips to give an assist in the world of Cats, not, say, Dogs or Rabbits or Guinea Pigs or wild things found in the woods that become the topic of an ad laden web post “They thought it was a cat but then …” and the restorative effects of meditation on cats, oh, and yoga

A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #342 (the other 341 just inferred) … well shit, you have obviously stopped in the Attic here right?? There are/have been cats and a lot of unintentional tips. Surely at least 341 before this … give or take … just a catucated guess.

Tip #342: When at all possible, color coordinate a cat with your jammies while watching the new season’s latest episode of Magnum P.I. while also trying not to disturb said cat when things get a little edge of your seat dicey. “C’mon Thomas! You and Higgins and Rick and T.C. … you all got this!”

Know that your cat will be enthralled.

A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #343? … it’s coming … hold your little cat horses … gotta see how this Magnum thing plays out …


A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #343 (I said it would be coming after Magnum – Thomas, Higgins, Rick and T.C. were fine by the way – I know, a load off there for you I’m sure).

Tip #343: Watch “Puss and Boots: The Last Wish” … because of course.


A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #344

When shopping for a new box for your cat (possibly a blind one) replete with a bedding of only the finest of catly tissue paper know that new boxes with only the finest of catly tissue paper can be rather expensive these days, upwards of 60 to 70 dollars in some cases, so just be sure this new box you buy for said cat with a bedding of only the finest of catly tissue paper comes with a pair of sneakers as well.


A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #345

If, when waking in the middle of the night, peeing being in order, you grab a flashlight to guide you on your way you notice, before you stand, at the end of the bed on the floor a cat paying you no mind but instead, staring head down intently, intensely at the carpet with a possible paw at the ready? Ignore it. Peeing is your one and only priority, especially if you are old. Just walk fast.

But, if, when you return you notice said cat still paying you no mind and still staring head down intently, intensely at the carpet with that possible paw still at the ready? Worry … and make sure you sleep with your mouth closed.


A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #346

Indoor cats can sometimes go AWOL, or at least it seems, as you check all of their usual cat lay spots and cat haunts (that one cat house in the red light district from so many years ago that no one is proud of), closets, open drawers, top of the fridge, that cabinet underneath the sink you left open after grabbing some cleaner for the latest cat puke spot, one really expensive cat bed that was poo-poo’d from the second you layed it down with disappointment, but you still come up empty until what was your initial “no worries, he or she is surely here somewhere” turns into “wow, holy crap! did I leave a door or a window or that other dimension wormhole I only use on occasion open accidentally?”

Back to “no worries”.

Just lay down some freshly dried laundry or, if you don’t have any freshly dried laundry readily available, just lay down your stinky soon eventual freshly dried laundry – it can have the same result – while also reminding said cat, and you, that freshly dried laundry needs to happen, like NOW – “Dude you stink, and I poop in an open air box and have you smelled my food? I know stink.”


A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #347

Know that when you are of the crazy cat lady ilk you may occasionally receive a T-Shirt in the mail that you don’t remember ordering. You might rack your brain as to how this came about.

“Was is it I that ordered this?” you will say to yourself or did maybe some anonymous person gift me this and have you then looking over your shoulder and peeking round corners ‘cause that would be kinda weird (even weirder than crazy cat lady guy cat tips).

Are cats really the Gods they may have been thought to be once and are now just rewarding me for my deference after figuring out the web and maybe how to steal someone’s credit card information?

Or is it that alcohol may have been involved late night?

Whatever the case may be, just be glad of your newfound cool cat fashion and maybe, just to be safe, leave an extra bowl of Fancy Feast to the side for these Cat Gods (the fish and shrimp one, the stinkier the better for Cat Gods we’re thinkin’).

Wouldn’t wanna piss them off, we mean, again, just to be safe.


A Crazy cat lady guy’s cat guide: Tip #348

Always crunchy paper, always with the crunchy paper, right Bella? 🙂


To be continued …

Step Out (an Eldridge tune) – song

So I have this friend from my WVU days, Rob Eldridge, who plays guitar, something I’m most envious of, and back in January he posted a little ditty, as he called it, an instrumental just around a minute long and, at the time, I noted that it was waaaaay too cool. Simple and bluesy, from his lap, nonchalant, a good morning post, as he said, that made ya wanna sing along but it was just him pluckin’ no words to be found. I kept it in my back pocket.

This weekend, as I did my usual, telling the world to F* off, bother me again Monday, I have cats, I thought to maybe find a few words for it.

A friend recently posted to my page of Mark Russell passing away, the great piano playing political satirist who had no qualms of pointing things out when the pointing things out actually got noticed in great halls and maybe even made some folks uncomfortable. Is there anything better? A bit of an uncomfortable squirm for just those? A Hero he was.

And for five or so years I have been building parody songs of an equal political type here in the Attic (plus others of a different type – another time there but they are so much of a joy to write and sing to instrumentals I come across at work) parodies where I find an established tune’s instrumental and do my best to say things that would also make some folks feel uncomfortable knowing that whoever it is that I’m satirizing deserve the uncomfortable, never an occasion when they don’t, something about beds made.

Mine though have never had the same import of a Mark Russell but ya keep trying.

But, going back to this friend of mine, Rob, I thought to not make any uncomfortable statements for folks to maybe squirm this time around but instead add some new writ/sung words to his instrumental of a why I do this in the first place and why I still keep trying.

Cheers Rob.

Step Out (an Eldridge Tune)

I stepped out as I often do step

Grabbed some words to wonder to think just what if

If I could sing out with no attempts at sublime

Sing escape from wary fears of mine of the times

But just for moments small sake

Knowin’ this need be a shouted take

I would try to sing things that just needed be said

Rhymes dream dreaming in songs of what ifs

Break them out to maybe lesson the kids

Show them how we can all sing our song

Not hide our heads in sand hoping all is not wrong

No not go along with the dumb of the herd  

No stand up say your piece and do your best to be heard

Some rhymes have magic as they certainly can

Be response to times help us feel not also ran

Strung together right they just might be a piece strong and together more than …


Went to a ballgame yesterday, a celebration of a dearest of friend of mine’s big 4-0, the Jeremiah Jonhsens’ (JJ) big day with his beloved Mets and his Mom and Dad and a few friends, including his newbie, he and Britney’s newbie, Grant (my first in person meet of the great pride and new hope)

with Britney eventually donning Grant strapped to her chest like readying for some extreme mountain climb just with a cutely breathing winter cap’s “you got me Moms, right?” poking out bump on what would end up being a day bringing a hardy, for a baseball day, cold, a hardy freakin’ cold, as cold as hell, as hell ain’t cold but if it could be, old friend Melissa and I huddlin’ together, shoulder to shoulder, in seats just short of God (the best of seats by the way, hangin’ with the baseball rabble way north – my fondest of baseball memories at Three Rivers with my Pirates way back, back, back were all in the tall “God” seats which I would joyously take to by myself even if my ticket was closer, with a couple of dogs and a couple of beers, no reason to make that 2nd trip that I knew was gonna happen anyway, just stock up now, save the unnecessary extra steps, after my free entrance on some weekends courtesy of my early 90’s radio Press Pass, back when my ankles didn’t crack so much or my knees didn’t remind they were knees) and with a misplaced April icy wind that implored the little one, Grant, for excuse to get us up and out in the 7th if possible.

“Think of the child!” Mel and I remarked with a laugh, being old both of us where you now really feel the cold, though an almost generation apart in our old, wind rushing in from the heavens in the 7th, but he was all nanooked up, a smaller version of a “Christmas Story” turtle, no, we waited until David Roberston’s impressively efficient 9th for a victory for JJ on his day.

Can’t go wrong with a win to cap off a big Year-0 day huh?

There were dogs and brats and sauerkraut heated in a cat’s water bowl (again, like last season and just cause I think it’s funny) and even a choice of cheeses and crackers, in an almost fancy way that Joe searched his phone for cheese descriptors of with names I couldn’t pronounce, well, as fancy as fold out white plastic tables would allow in a tailgate parking lot, under New York City traffic, next to a Marina next to a ballpark.

It was a good day/night, a really good one as we hung and dogged and brat’d and burgered and fancied with special cheeses and even too many potato chip choices almost forgetting why we were there, for a ballgame.

Jeremiah asked me at the end how I enjoyed the game and to be truthful I told him a bit of a white lie, saying I enjoyed it very much when in reality I didn’t really pay that much attention as I’m not a Mets fan or a Marlins fan, today’s opponent, I have nothing vested in either. But I do have something vested in Jeremiah, an 18 year friendship with lots of games and other events over the years, innocuous “checking in” phone calls where nothing but everything comes up in 30 minute clips and even talking each other off ledges at times. He always being my first call if the shouts of “jump” from down below get a little too loud. Though I wasn’t completely fibbing when I said I did enjoy the game, just not the one between the lines, but definitely the one outside of them with Moms & Dads and new Moms & Dads and friends in tow.

Now, I have celebrated a few Year-0’s “big days” over my time but none to rival a day at the ballpark, and even with my issues of a game now changed, #’s to be asterisked, new eras to be marked, delineated from past ones, I was envious in the best of ways.

I could do a day like this in my next big Year-0 which ain’t that far away now Steve, old man.

I texted Jeremiah when I got home just to repeat to myself of what a joy of a day it was “Cheers to a good day again my friend and happy birthday you somewhat old dude … you still have some Year-0’s to go by the way. Take your time if and whenever you can.”

A Tiger’s Tale

Going back a few years on this one as I rummage around in the Attic.

A Tiger’s Tale

I tried to catch tigers by the tail when I was small

mom told me how

but I was always sleepy and woke up tigerless

like I do now trying to catch sleep

as elusive as those tigers

instead envisioning mad worlds of the tailless

turning over and over and over the sheets getting tangled

my feet always trying to push them whole

so if I do sleep I’ll wake in a real bed made

the way it should be


with corners sharp hospital ready

when I earned a dime from mom to do it right

never understanding the reason for such a bed

like I do now.

I hear the trains near my house at night

like rain waking me to rythmically loll me back

the cadence of water spot on

the equal clatter of the trains just as spot

carrying wet tigers

licking wet paws and hinds

before they sleep

as I try to

with a wet face and coarse towel

before my tight bed with sharp corners calling a good night

for only a dime

not much of a cost in these costly times

for a tale

of mom stories and sleepless nights where tiger’s tails

take guises of whatever it is that keeps you awake.

I don’t know what it is that keeps sleep at bay

but trains and rain and tigers help

the clock of my mother’s heart beats and ticks

to lull me

to furtive sleep

when I think of her tigers

and their tales.

Of Radio Engineers, Cat Crunchy Paper & Possible Spaceships (audio post)

Thought I would take to doing a read of this one from early March and have a little fun with it while I was at it.


Downstairs at the station earlier this week was a recent package for Tom, one of our radio engineer guys, possibly the tallest radio engineer guy on the East Coast which means absolutely nothing here, he’s just pretty tall, thought I’d mention it.

It was a big box, with lots of smaller boxes of surely important and expensive radio equipment stuff, smaller boxes of radio thingy’s and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize in an engineer way that would eventually be replacements for old thingy’s and whatchamacallits or be completely new additions, or maybe even be part of the controls on the bridge of a spaceship Tom was building on the station’s dime on the down low to get him the hell out of here, but conduits to buttons that I would probably at some point push (or not push – depending on the yellow post-its with pointed arrows that say “Frankenberry, Don’t Push This”).

Noted I thought, but I just used the word “eventually” as to installation of all this so I was good for the moment to not concern myself with personal yellow post-it notes just yet, but notice instead the more important aspect of what was also in this big box, with the lots of smaller boxes of surely important radio equipment stuff, the smaller boxes of thingy’s, and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize and come with soon post-it warnings for me (though I might try to stow away on his spaceship to get the hell out of here as well – hopefully he brings post-its, I mean, it’s a spaceship … waaaay more important to note buttons I shouldn’t push out there … in space … ya know, where spaceships go … wouldn’t want to accidentally send us hurtling into a sun or something because that particular “send you hurtling into a sun” button didn’t have a simple post-it note telling me NOT to push it).

But also in the big box? Brown packing paper, lots of brown packing paper, or more famously, for me and my Bella, “crunchy paper”.

I was excited! Crazy cat lady guy excited! Been a while since I had refreshed the crunchy paper, the old paper rolled around on and slept on scratched on and cat puked on and cat toy played on so much by my little Bella that it was now nothing more than cloth soft paper tatters.

I asked Tom if he thought he might need any of this “crunchy paper” for possible returns and if not, could I have it … for my cat.

He looked quizzically, annoyedly and in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kind of way, the way he often does when looking at me (he most probably being the one responsible for those yellow post-it notes in the first place) and said “Sure?” hoping I would just leave his office as quickly as possible.


I thanked Tom earlier today for my Bella, told him Bella said I must, and even showed him pictures, like any crazy cat lady guy worth their catnip would, that he feigned interest in like a real trooper instead of just looking at me again quizzically, again annoyedly and again in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kind of way and said “You’re welcome?” hoping, once more, that I would just leave his office as quickly as possible (got a spaceship to work on here Frankenberry!! And don’t you dare try to stowaway, don’t know if post-its stick so well in space!).

Here we go Girlfriend. New crunchy paper Bella. And maybe even a space adventure or two.

Tom says “You’re welcome” by the way.

“Crunch Crunch Crunch”

… and lift off.