A 2021 And An Album Called … Bob (8 parody songs +1)

Well, with all the end of year’s lists, retrospectives, the requisite long list quickie obituaries of people lost in 2021, which, if it were an honest list and not just the usual of passed celebrities, as if they are the only ones worth noting, would be way too massive an endeavor and just point out our failings, five reasons we won’t miss 2021, five reasons 2021 gives us hope in 2022 (yeah, that one’s a non-starter) the top ten’s, low ten’s, seven things just outside the norm or maybe turn it up eleven’s or even thirteen’s to tempt fate with a ‘fresh’ numbers take on the year end staid that has no ‘fresh’ take … ever … I thought well, maybe, I’ll jump on the staid bandwagon and go with my own year end take ’cause I got nothin’ right now.  

Ok, sorry, not quite nothing, I did start something earlier about being at the Dollar General in Wappingers Falls to buy candles and vitamins and duct tape (yes, my main intent and no, I’m not planning anything weirdly creepy, though it might come out nicely in a film) when I noticed at the last second an older, slow moving seeming tired woman whose winter hat was winter huddled down just a little too close to her eyes below her eyebrows, a one whose cart looked the only thing holding her up as she rolled up behind me on line with only a few items.

Now, could I have pulled my stuff from the belt before it started getting rang? Yes. But I already had the candles and the duct tape down with the vitamins on the way and of course, all the “yeah I could use that too” impulse buys that can happen at a place like Dollar General, things you didn’t realize you needed until just then but might work well in a movie as props (not a “Dollar Store” mind you, think a mini-Walmart with better prices and less interesting internet pics – no poorly thought you left the house in that? here).

I was also being lazy and selfish and I just wanted to be done for the day after an early let go from work but, in my head, as my candles and vitamins and duct tape and “yeah I could use that too” Dollar General impulse buys were being rung in front of this tired looking woman I kicked myself for being an asshole.

“There’s an old bent over a cart tired looking woman with a too huddled eyebrow hat who you could have let go in line before you, you asshole. And I think you even parked your car next to her year’s lined husband in the parking lot who looks like he could just really use, might even be, taking a nap”.

Then my debit card didn’t work, again, came up declined though there is plenty there in the account to cover candles and vitamins and duct tape and possible weirdly creepy things (the movie teaser will be out next week) and “yeah I could use that too” impulse buys, a debit card that has been quite a dick lately, its chip not being all that chippy.

“Motherfu …” but I held myself back from my usual fave expletive, thinking of this older, slow moving woman, and of my mother who would admonish such language but only with better language of her own, this older woman who stepped behind me being held up by a cart when she came to save me and my thoughts of being an asshole.

“I’m sorry Ma’am, I almost had a bit of a curse there … this card has been a pain lately”

She looked up from under her tired eyebrow huddled hat, but with sudden unexpected young bright eyes and I was taken aback, wide bright lively crystal blue eyes and said “Oh, curse away, I enjoy that”

“Really?”

“Of course, there are some things I could motherfuck about right about now too … but don’t get me started or we’ll be here all day”

As I made my way to my car in the lot and put my things into BB’s hatch she slowly followed with the cart holding her and her few things up and in and put them into a car with her husband, who, yes I had parked next to, woke now, starting the engine.

“Happy New Year” I said

“The same (with those bright alive blue eyes) to you and your family”

Man, If only my own eyes can be that unexpectedly bright and alive and want to motherfuck things when I get to the tired.

But I didn’t write about that ’cause, like I said, I got nothin’.

No, I’ve done this before, put some of my parody tunes into one post to call them Albums or EP’s, with names, though I shouldn’t give them names while imagining myself an artist or band with titles for Albums or EP’s after not having really created anything like artists and bands do. They’re someone else’s tunes, instrumentals in this case, just with new words (Ok, maybe I’ll give myself a little artistic credit there on the new words) and some singing that could, at best, be considered suspect. I’m not really allowed to give them names.

So a year end compilation in one post of some of my tunes and when I posted them from 2021 it is, but since I’m not really an artist or a band, like I said, who have a right to name things, I’ll just call this album “Bob” … Ok, yes, technically, I just named it but you get my point.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

To the 80’s classic “Crash” from the Primitives

April 24

Crush

Here we go, fucking fast

Must pass laws we hope’ll la-ast

Cause we know, in blatant show-ow

We can’t win with a vote’s honest go

So Stop, stop the polls

Shut some doors maybe clear the rolls

Make it rough, so no close ca-alls

We wanna make sure of a doubts no go

So restrictions where there weren’t none

Enact new rules replace old ones

That worked just fine when it was we won

But when we didn’t there was clearly something wrong

Na na na na na na na na na

(we gotta crush the vote)

Na na na na na na na na na

(we gotta crush the hope)

Here they go, fucking fast

Chau-vin a martyr white bias cast

Say Maxine shut your mou-outh

Your words are a fire that’ll burn the town

But Trump words, were benign-nn

Hugs and kisses it was just sublime

It was really nothing be concerned

Only five dead and the cap riot didn’t earn  

What libs will have us learn

No that was just a patriots turn 

But now the Tuckers and the pundits churn

Will have believe verdicts real concern was burn

Chauvin’s martyr turn

Excuse for justice served

Na na na na na na na na na
(gonna crush the vote)
Na na na na na na na na na
(gonna crush the hope)
Na na na na na na na na na
(ignorance it is the show)
Na na na na na na na na na
(white nationals refuse the blow)

Na na na na na na na na na

(gonna crush the vote)
Na na na na na na na na na
(gonna crush the hope)
Na na na na na na na na na
(ignorance it is the show)

Mmmm hmmm

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

And there was a Capital riot.

To Stevie’s “I Wish”.

February 12

Dark Days (They Wish)

Looking back on lost years and an orange headed lyin’ boy

Whose one and only con-cern was power and just how earn from ploy

We watched and listened sadly, the starkness of the thing

That had support too many, discipled GOP

Truth went out the window, propaganda became the truth de jour

Echoed many sides now, podiums to pundits even went on tour

The press tried too late stem tide, point out all the lies

But they opened up that window, just tryin’ now save hides

They were dark days … you’d … think we’d want no more

Some truly sad … days … attack norms at the core 

But some still want … those … days to darken doors

Now hold seditious dreams, yeah, they hold a torch 

They hold a torch

The time came to be counted, a real count not a one that aimed at steal

Enough of us did stand up, a threat was posed and seen saw to be real 

But even then some hundred plus signed on to a deal 

To stand with former power mad with fraud as the new spiel

That led to insurrection, encouraged violence for a new rule

With help also from inside who even took some to tour of new school

Useful idi-ots follow dumb as useful tools

The Gaetz, Hawley’s, McCarthy’s fools who know the fools

They were dark days … you’d … think they’d want no more

Some truly sad … days … attack norms at the core 

But some still want … those … days to darken doors

Now hold seditions dreams, yeah they hold a torch 

They hold a torch

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doodah doo

Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

Trump: “Statistically impossible to have lost the 2020 Election”

“Big protest in DC on January 6th. Be there, will be wild!”

Olivia Troye: “very concerned that there will be violence on January 6th because the president himself encourages it.”

Ted “Bad Beard Breath” Cruz: “We will not go quietly into the night. We will defend liberty. And we are going to win.”

Trump and Jr.: “fight like hell.”

Jr.: “We need to fight.”

Trump: “They’re not taking this White House. We’re going to fight like hell.”

Giuliani: “… and we fight, we fight like hell, and if you don’t fight like hell, you’re not going to have a country anymore.”

“Let’s have trial by combat´

Mo “Box of Rocks” Brooks: “… Today is the day American patriots start taking down names and kicking ass.”

Trump: “American Patriots,”

“… We love you, you’re very special.” 

Trump: “These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

A little voter suppression thing.

To Adam Ant “Goody Two Shoes”.

May 8

Goody Goody Crow Rules

Gov Kemp grabbed a big pen

To support the Big Lie

Election integrity, integrity

Ignore that GA’s was fine now

Was su-posed gold standard

For others to try

Try and live up to, up to

It was even a point of pride now 

Ya can’t choose, we choose, voting rights you lose

Ya can’t choose, we choose,

Suppression wins you lose

Make vo-ting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says hey y’all by the way

Say thanks to Joe Manchin

Repubs inside joke

Won’t let us bust the fili fili  

Bi-part will surely take note take note

As everyone laughs at

His naïve to extreme

The Pollyanna world he loves hope  

Is in a partisan long boat

Ya can’t choose, we choose, voting rights you lose

Ya can’t choose, we choose,

Suppression wins you lose

Make voting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

—— 

GOP knows too well now

There ain’t no fair fight

Straight up they lose every time now

People vote they will always eat crow

They’ll try to sell you

A bill of false goods

About getting back to honest, honest

But based on a cult’s lies big lie

Now this ain’t no token

They’ll take the deride

Knowing full well, too well now

The orange is on their right side

Make voting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

Make vo-ting harder, what will you do

Cuttin’ back Sundays what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says hey y’all by the way

Make voting harder, what will you do

Lose drop boxes, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

Make voting harder, what will you do

A tougher vote, we say, what will you do

None too subtle the game they play

Jim Crow says howdy by the way

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

This one is for all those that have decided, in their finite white wisdom, to start banning books and worse.

To the The Dixie Cups “Going To The Chapel”.

December 4

Goin’ to the School Board

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

With banning books now that aren’t

In a real right straight white safe way

Gee we’ve got some issues with works

That don’t teach imagined virtues of a

Re-visioned whitewashing day

— 

GOP’s here

To set message clear

Ignorance sings

Of white patriot things

— 

This country was found

On exceptional ground

And we’ll never teach real truth anymore


Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Might throw books on a pyre now

And dance ‘round with a hey hidey hey how

— 

Gee you don’t need a degree

From any liberal leftist factory   

Goin’ to create history  


Whistles will blow

And dogs will crow

We’ll set it right

No CRT will be in sight

We’ll ignore slavery

Even though it’s part of the core  

And strike systemic from vocabulary’s lore

— 

Because we’re

Goin’ to the school board

And we’re gonna get carried away

Snowflake about the sensibilities

Of our children’s tender feelings

Gee we don’t know the problem

Of new curriculum’s whitey outcome

Goin’ to the school board of dumb

(yeah-a-yeah-a-yeahy-yeah)

Goin’ to the school board of dumb  

(yeah-yeah-yeah-yeahy-yeah)


Just mind your place and we’ll all get along

//////////////////////////////////////////////

Have instrumental and new lyrics will travel for a tune about Democracy being under attack.

To Green Day’s “Troublemaker” … time to rock a bit.

November 20

Kingmaker  

Yeah!

Woo hoo hoo

Hey!

Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight

Hey!

They wanna control the states

So next time vote around they’ll mess ‘bove ground

Mold sham results for self-serving tastes

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers

Hey!

We like your lie moxie cool

Obstructive whitewash of what was true

It’s quite impressive in its attempt at coup

Hey!

His Rally’s his palace days  

He’s sounding loaded, old lie bloated

In his propagandist playbook word salad way


They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Autocracy’s G-O-P takers

They wanna be some new Kingmakers

Great leader’s cult first of new shakers

Hey!

Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh

Woooh oooh oooh


Yeah!

They saw election pass with result a bad state

So pass suppression laws before it’s too late

Present these measures in a group all for one haste

Integrity’s at stake the big lie is the play that they make

Hey!

Democracy’s under attack

Right in plain sight a lockstep right

Work their authoritarian plight

Hey!

They do their do

Hey!

A lie’s whose who

Hey!

Who know the screw

Hey!

A fascist stew

Hey!

//////////////////////////////////////////////

Hey, I remember this song.

To OMC and “How Bizarre”.

August 21

How Repub (song)

Big lie it shotgun rides, McCarthy at the wheel

Headin’ Mar-A-Lago to commiz about steal

A new plan it was hatched then, right after riot’s zeal

After kneel ring kiss the two saw how this should go

Campaign of vote suppression with a spankin’ new cash flow

McCarthy genuflects then says we’ll work on Fili-Joe

How Repub  

How Repub

How Repub

They stay course mis-inform’, more openly than before

First voting then vaccines now, workin’ at death’s door

Of democracy and lives now, Elephant’s they know the score

How to politic both with a loud crazed cultish roar

How Repub

How Repub

How Repub

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

Ring master he directs, says make Donkeys have regrets

For not buying into Country’s patriotic cultish sect

We’re showing you white way now, yet ya still deflect

The truth of where road’s going to where we’ll intersect

At Ignorance Way and Main Street with a future surely set

You’ll be minority major

Too slow now to react

Where chance was had to save from dark political intellect

And you’ll learn now how to,

Hey,

To genuflect

How Repub

How Repub

How Repub

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)

Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

They’re bubblin’ up

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I just look down
There’s a new lie to be found (Every time I just look down)
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
Democracy’s lazy (It’s future now hazy)
Every time I look just down (Every time I just look down)
There’s a new lie to be found
Every time from underground
Lies are bubblin’ up

///////////////////////////////

The more words the greater the challenge, plus more time for me to say stuff in my musical editorials.

To Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”.

August 7

Neo Fascist Man (song – a GOP anthem)

It’s Doomsday clock on an everyday

GOP wear a watch

They check their wrists – for the end of us

Great experiment to now call a loss

They say It’s time has passed can ya follow me

It won’t really be all that hard

There’s a new road to take while the truth we will fake

A dead dream just not in the cards

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

Sing us a song Neo Fascist man

Sing us a song of lies

Rewrite for us a seen history

Till no longer believe our own eyes

Now the GOP practice a longer game

State and by state they block votes

Or they gerrymander – so to stay in command

As they can’t win with votes honest’s go

They say integrity’s at stake in our system here

Must restore voter confidence

And they’ll disenfranchise with no color the prize

And all because of the Big Lie

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

Now McCarthy holds true his great leader

Kool Aid drunk while supporting the cries

Of an unhinged one, carny barker and some  

Whose show now attracts nothing but flies

And McConnell says partisan politics

Are the only game Dems wanna play

While hypocrisy drips from his marble mouth

Lockstep lemmings minority sway

Break

Sing us a wrong Neo Fascist man

Sing us a song of lies

Rewrite for us a known history

Till we no longer hear as it cries

GOP gambles Dem dreamers

Whose justifies are like some swiss cheese

Manchin and Kyrsten to any who’ll listen

Are standing just notice them please

They’re determined to center attention

Nonsensical their fantasy fight

To preserve the one thing that is killing the dream

Of every last of us be deemed

Oh La-la-la de-de da
La-la de-de da la-la

Do us all wrong Neo Fascist men

Break with democracy’s ties

Cause we’re all in the mood for autocracy

Till we no longer hear our own cries

/////////////////////////////////

For a true nutter.

The Green Acres theme song.

December 8

Greene Crackers

Greene crackers are the treat for me

The favorite snack of the new GOP

Buttered with lies that spread from sea to sea

Keep the truth just give us conspiracies

Margie Greene crackers is party’s new face

With Gosar, Gohmert & a guy taking girls ‘cross states

Throw in Boebert with a shiny gun case

it’s a GOP wagon to a really dim-lee lit place

The lies

White cries

More lies

Past dies

Authority life

Hello fascist right

Greene Crackers we are there

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

Ok, tacking one on here post posting – like, say, just a fun bonus track.

About cat’s peeing where they shouldn’t.

To Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me”.

March 13

It Wasn’t Me, I Didn’t Pee

Yo, Handsome … Open up man

What do you want Cujo?

Mom just caught me

Seriously?

I don’t know how

Where?

In the shower, you know

Man

I don’t know what to do

Well, say it wasn’t you

Alright

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

How could you forget that Mom’s the one who owns this villa

She’s got sixth senses that snap up on her pilla

You keep this up she’s gonna be your killa

She knows it’s you even got ya on camera

Before you were dumb and strolled off into the shower

These humans got tech to catch you any hour

Yeah that’s video your ass up on stovetop

You gotta say it wasn’t you to save you from the next stop

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
Heard her screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

Act like nothing happened, that it’s no big deal  

Walk your Cujo walk, denial in your cool

See if you can sing another cat’s fault song

Maybe Sunny with who you don’t get along  

You’re gonna be banished from house for real

You’ll be pushin’ daisies soon for just this deal

You’ll be out garage, house life won’t last

Get caught again and 9th life will pass  

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
I heard the screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

Gonna blame some other

For the smell that I’ve caused

Gotta be some other cat who goes and pees against doors

I will tell her that maybe it’s because of the dogs

I’ll just make sure they don’t catch me

When they figure mad cause

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

Celie came in

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me I do say

I didn’t pee I will say

Celie came in then

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me

Meow

/////////////////////////////////////////////

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