Good buddy of mine, Rick, from my long time ago galaxy far far away WVU days, posted to his Facebook at the end of the week about some commotion in his backyard between an owl and a pretty ballsy squirrel squaring off in a tree.
As per Rick “After several minutes, the owl leaped — but missed spectacularly, the squirrel simply dropping off its perch to the ground below. The owl landed where the squirrel had been and sat there fluffing its wings … and the squirrel again climbed right back up within striking distance” where the standoff then continued with the squirrel “swishing its tail furiously and chittering at the owl” and I can only assume very angry, righteous chittering, surely protecting its turf i.e. babies, nuts, civic pride, the incursion of owl imperialism.
I saw the post yesterday morning at work while eating my bagel (appropriately enough with peanut butter and squirrel jelly – MY GOD MAN!!! HAVE YOU NO SHAME!!! that is NOT right!!! – I kid, I kid) and had a little fun with something to add to the comments (which, last I checked had amassed three LOL emoji’s from Rick & two of his friends – BOOM!)
(Rick did not take this photo, he’s not that good. This is a reenactment of the Rick owl & squirrel situation with amateur woodland creatures who I hope weren’t hurt during the taking of this photo by someone NOT Rick but instead by someone else who I also hope wasn’t hurt during the taking of this photo and who Rick did not attribute the photo to, so I guess they were hurt, in a way, a little. Sorry about that … I’ll talk to him)
Stan: Bring it on ya fat bastard!!
Oscar: I told you I’m not fat Stan, it’s the feathers … very fluffy right now, it’s a seasonal thing, you know that.
Stan: Whatever ya gotta tell yourself Oscar, I just think ya need to lay off some of the critters alright? Maybe some berries, veggies, something leafy, look … right down there in the garden, just sitting there waitin’ and that shit ain’t gonna try and fight back or cry when ya get your dirty bird meat hooks in ‘em. Do you know how much that traumatizes some of the little ones ‘round here by the way? Positively devastating! My smallest already needs to talk to a nut-picker and it’s your fault, you and Harris … hate that fucking bird.
Oscar: Hey, Harris is alright he’s just … just …
Stan: Just what Oscar?!
Oscar: Well, it’s just that everyone around here kinda … I don’t know … misunderstands him ya know?
Stan: Misunderstands what Oscar? That he’s a fucking psycho? And a killer one!! None of us dare stick our heads out these days and he’s gotten to dive bombing the humans!! But ya know what? Their youngest boy just got a BB gun, good fuckin’ luck to Harris.
Oscar: Hey c’mon, Heidi just up and left the guy, took the chicks with her to another nest, give him a bit of a break will ya?
Stan: Fuck him Oscar and why do you think Heidi left huh? You think those fermenting berries on the ground had anything to do with it?
Oscar: I don’t know, we don’t really talk all that much, he’s kinda … well, we don’t really have much to talk about …
Stan: Kinda what? You were about to say “kinda …” kinda what Oscar?!
Oscar: OK, OK, he’s kind of an asshole and yes, hittin’ the berries was the last straw for Heidi
Stan: It was the FIRST AND LAST straw Oscar and him just being an asshole was the throughline. Good for her for taking off. But anyway, and again, fuck him. As to you, right now? Back your fast ass off, alright?
Oscar: Aww, why ya gotta be so hurtful Stan? I told you, the feathers are just extra fluffy, it’s seasonal man …
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