Sign On A National Park Lawn: Please Don’t Lick The Toads

Came across this earlier today and try not to think about how this, for some, is necessary.

Note for future vacation planners: If you are thinking of a trip to the western U.S. anytime soon, maybe sometime in 2023, the National Park Service has issued this notice about toads and how, you know, you shouldn’t lick them, especially the Sonoran Desert Toad.

“These toads have prominent parotoid glands that secrete a potent toxin. It can make you sick if you handle the frog or get the poison in your mouth. As we say with most things you come across in a national park, whether it be a banana slug, unfamiliar mushroom, or a large toad with glowing eyes in the dead of night, please refrain from licking. Thank you.”

Now I’m sure for some of you that when coming across, say, a banana slug or a large toad in a National Park, possibly in the dead of night mesmerized by glowing eyes, your first inclination may be to lick it, or them if you come across both at once as a sort of daily double bonus, as I mean, who wouldn’t jump tongue first to such and surely the National Park Service is sorry to be such killjoys but they’re just looking out for your wellbeing and trying to keep you from tripping your ass off from licking psychedelic toads and mistaking the edge of a ravine for anything other than the edge of a ravine and then them having to scrape you off of the rocks below.

Though if you feel as if the National Park Service has now thrown a wet blanket on your western U.S. vacation plans for next year take heart in the fact that the notice said “As we say with most things you come across in a national park … please refrain from licking” with the operative word here being “MOST” in the MOST things you come across in a national park.

So it seems there could be a bit of licking hope after all, a licking loop hole, a bit of licking wiggle room for wiggly things you could say and even with the National Park Services’ unintended blessing ‘cause well, MOST things ain’t ALL things right?

You may not have to put those plans on hold after all and you’re probably already gleefully wondering if there are any scorpions with psychedelic gland properties, I mean the Park Service didn’t mention them specifically so …

** Provided as a public service