Revisit: Of Radio Engineers, Cat Crunchy Paper & Possible Spaceships (audio post)

Ya know, being happily single, unencumbered by singleness allows me time to explore further the reasons I am said happily single. There’s no pillow talk, no equal toes and ankles under sheets, no sidestepping feet in a morning’s perfectly choreographed dance in the kitchen, no phone calls during the day just to check in and feel not alone, no shoulders for heads on bad days, no shared shows on the tube, even if you only watch bits of them while wishing to eat your own foot or at least as much popcorn or any other snack as possible just so you can keep taking breaks to get more … “No, you keep watching … don’t pause for me … I’ll catch up”   

“Can’t you just fill a big bowl?”

Ok, SOME drawbacks (other than that show that you really don’t like), but the happily single, while minus some together benefits, does allow me time to just sit (big fan) and thought and wonder and wear out the A’s and S’s and D’s on my keyboard (apparently – and another thing to figgur entirely) and sometimes re-visit old pieces of my brilliance

“Brilliance? Really?”

“What?! I can’t imagine things? I mean, this is MY blog right? My own fancies?”

Anyway, in my single, “I gots the time”, I went back to some of my “brilliant” things this weekend for a re-read or a re-listen and reminded myself how much I like this post (among others – though this is the one I’m gonna stick you with right now).

It’s nothing special really, I have others that are better but this one just makes me smile.

An audio post about engineers, my Bella, crunchy paper and possible spaceships.

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April 1, 2023

Thought I would take to doing a read of this one from early March and have a little fun with it while I was at it.

Downstairs at the station earlier this week was a recent package for Tom, one of our radio engineer guys, possibly the tallest radio engineer guy on the East Coast which means absolutely nothing here, he’s just pretty tall, thought I’d mention it.

It was a big box, with lots of smaller boxes of surely important and expensive radio equipment stuff, smaller boxes of radio thingy’s and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize in an engineer way that would eventually be replacements for old thingy’s and whatchamacallits or be completely new additions, or maybe even be part of the controls on the bridge of a spaceship Tom was building on the station’s dime on the down low to get him the hell out of here, but conduits to buttons that I would probably at some point push (or not push – depending on the yellow post-its with pointed arrows that say “Frankenberry, Don’t Push This”).

Noted I thought, but I just used the word “eventually” earlier as to installation of all this so I was good for the moment to not concern myself with personal yellow post-it notes just yet, but notice instead the more important aspect of what was also in this big box, with the lots of smaller boxes of surely important radio equipment stuff, the smaller boxes of thingy’s, and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize and come with soon post-it warnings for me (though I might try to stow away on his spaceship to get the hell out of here as well – hopefully he brings post-its, I mean, it’s a spaceship … waaaay more important to note buttons I shouldn’t push out there … in space … ya know, where spaceships go … wouldn’t want to accidentally send us hurtling into a sun or something because that particular “send you hurtling into a sun” button didn’t have a simple post-it note telling me NOT to push it).

But also in the big box? Brown packing paper, lots of brown packing paper, or more famously, for me and my Bella, “crunchy paper”.

I was excited! Crazy cat lady guy excited! Been a while since I had refreshed the crunchy paper, the old paper rolled around on and slept on scratched on and cat puked on and cat toy played on so much by my little Bella that it was now nothing more than cloth soft paper tatters.

I asked Tom if he thought he might need any of this “crunchy paper” for possible returns and if not … could I have it … for my cat.

He looked quizzically, annoyedly and in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kinda way, the way he often does when looking at me (he most probably being the one most understandably responsible for those yellow post-it notes in the first place) and said “Sure?” hoping I would just leave his office as quickly as possible.

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I thanked Tom earlier today for my Bella, told him Bella said I must, and even showed him pictures, like any crazy cat lady guy worth their catnip would, that he feigned interest in like a real trooper instead of just looking at me again quizzically, again annoyedly and again in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kinda way and said “You’re welcome?” hoping, once more, that I would just leave his office as quickly as possible (got a spaceship to work on here Frankenberry!! And don’t you dare try to stowaway, don’t know if post-its stick so well in space!).

Here we go Girlfriend. New crunchy paper Bella. And maybe even a space adventure or two.

Tom says “You’re welcome” by the way.

“Crunch Crunch Crunch”

… and lift off.

Possible Sniffers (flash fiction)

A new flash fiction prompt from Melissa, to write something from this pic.

“Mom, stop, we’ve talked about this, it’s a different day. Artie and I have told you, plus you know I can’t, I have messed up insides, we just can’t, just deal with Chrissy and Semblance (of a cat) and Penelope.

Now are you good?

Ok, I’ll check in with you every five minutes … just kiddng … every ten.

Well, we’re off, I’ll bring you back some seashells and sand glass”

Dad was a prick.

There was a time where Mom and Dad were good, for like 5 minutes, I remember them actually, specifically, each one, tick tock, he kissed her on her forehead and seemed genuine on this forehead just before he had made breakfast and wished us well at the bus stop, where we dreamed he might even start his fancy car in eventual winter and let us sit, but … tick tock …

Mom loved him with all her heart, she didn’t know anyone or anything else other than him and he knew that in his running around.

“Mom, relax they are cats, now here are the things you can and cannot do with cats …”

I had a list.

Jesus, is that what I have come about? Explaining to my mother the taking care of cats and making lists?

I met Artie just out of college, he was the boss guy’s son at my new possible gig’s small box store but dreaming bigger. Maybe a spot where my new degree would matter and give me an in but …

“Oh hey, Marcie, where are those shoes you were wearing?”

“Oh hey, Marcie, where is that blouse from Tuesday’s interview, with the low flowers?”

“Oh hey, Marcie, we’re going out for drinks after work“

Then Mom said, for the war effort, they have good sniffers, cats, might find bombs, don’t tell your tell your Dad though and I got them, your “kids” by the way, especially Semblance (I love her) they’ll be fine. We just have a thing on Tuesday … Semblance and I, don’t worry.

Oh, and fuck him, he doesn’t like cats and how much does lyme cost these days by the way?

To Pee Or Not To … I Didn’t Pee (Cujo the Cat song) – A Revisit

The other day as I was checking out my Blog stats at WordPress, the platform I use for the Attic and one of the cool things about WordPress, the ability to see your sites “traffic”, I noticed that an older parody tune of mine had recently gotten a couple of unexpected downloads/listens.

Now I am always curious as to how some viewers might suddenly discover something of mine (a tune/old post) from some time ago. I mean it’s not like I’m any good at remembering to add tags to my things because I’m not, hell, tags to me are just the things I always forget to take off of new pants or shorts or T-shirts until around three in the afternoon the first time I wear them, so I can’t chalk it up to that and other than doing a dive into the blog (which has happened where someone, maybe the first time visiting the Attic, will check out a number of things all at once before running away screaming with their hair on fire) I don’t really know how they may come across the older stuff, pretty randomly it seems.

Another older post of mine, from April of ’22 for example, even pops up on a regular basis, regular enough that it has become my most viewed effort, a fun thing I wrote about seeing the Angel of Death in the middle of Route 9 in Poughkeepsie that I also did an audio post of (here, I’ll save you the trouble of randomness or deep dives, Angel Of Death: End Of Days, Route 9, Poughkeepsie??? )

No complaints mind you, I don’t care how folks come about it or them as long as something is maybe getting a new eye or earball or two. I mean that’s why I do this right? Why I have a blog in the first place? Other than the sanity saver that it is?

The older parody tune, from March of 2021, was a tune I did for Celie’s cat “Cujo” and from an idea of hers as a matter of fact. I have written of this often but when I first moved into the one bedroom place above a three car attached garage back in November of ’17 (though I moved out recently) I was immediately astounded and overjoyed by the sheer amount of fur that were furring in and around Celie’s haven of said fur and even feather as well.

Now besides, when I was first there, usually being greeted in the driveway by “Blue” the big intimidating looking blue pit of all soft dogness after the big chested intimidation passed and amid the din of all the other dogs, I was also greeted by cats, four in particular. Bruce the coolest of cat fellas, the Big Lebowski, or Big LeBruceski of cats if you will, who ran the cat yard and house, Handsome, a cat with no more apt a name, Honey Bob Tail (who I would come to call “Boo”) the sweetest little rolly polly of a calico with, indeed, a bob tail and Cujo, a funny name for a cat I thought until he proved himself worthy of it. The first proof of worth for me? When I went to say hi with a pet and a rub of an ear after one of my arrivals home from work early in my stay while he was cat rolling around in driveway dust, as cats are wont to do, and he welcomed me with a bite of my palm halfway through my pettings of “hello”.

“Ok, Cujo … gotcha … and I get it now.”

Instant friends.

But Cujo, like Bruce, had a coolness about him (Honey Bob Tail was all sweetness and a bit of weight on your shoulder for the pick up and Handsome was just damn good looking so much so for girl cats to swoon) and Cujo and I became pals, sometimes with a new band aid or two like sharing friend wrist bands. He was also a bit of weight on the shoulder for the pick up but not because of the rolly or the polly like Honey Bob Tail, Cujo was quite lithe and long, but from the sheer fear that could accompany it (dude could take an eye from my shoulder I thought) but he liked shoulders, even stretched upwards on a knee for it … though briefly.

Anyway, Celie had mentioned to me a few years into my time there that someone, somecat, was peeing in the house and NOT properly, not in one of any number of litter boxes placed about the spot and that she had discovered through some fine detective work (cameras and an even caught in the cat act) that it was Cujo. She then said, and she knew of my parody tunes because I kept sending them to her whether she wanted me to or not, actually she probably would have preferred the “Not” because now you are just annoying me Stephen, especially the political ones, that I should try the chorus of Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” because “It Wasn’t Me … I didn’t pee” had come to her when she heard the tune on the radio in her truck.

Brilliant I thought. But well, I also thought, I can’t just do something with only the chorus now can I? No self respecting song parodying guy would stop at just the chorus right? No, I don’t know the answer to that as I don’t know any other of these self respecting song parodying guys but, for the one I DID know? ME? That shit just wouldn’t meow. Gotta work the whole tune.

Now I miss Cujo and did for the longest time, still do, while I lived in that house of fur and feather after he, one day, just wasn’t around any longer, he was a dear friend lost and well, ’nuff said on that, and I didn’t want to revisit this tune of his for the longest time as I tried not think of the what may have happened (that’s a rabbit hole no pet person ever wants to go down in such a case). I just remembered the welcome homes and the pettings and the band aids and the kitchen counters helping me with the feeding of he and all his cat brethren on occasion (another story entirely, though one, ones, already well told) as he was just a really cool cat, a really smart, snarky, talky cat who I bonded with over hello’s and ear rubs and those occasional loving band-aids.

So thinking of Cujo again now, I thought to revisit some fun and some cat pee silly.

Cheers old friend.

It Wasn’t Me, I Didn’t Pee

Yo, Handsome … Open up man

What do you want Cujo?

Mom just caught me

Seriously?

I don’t know how

Where?

In the shower, you know

Man

I don’t know what to do

Well, say it wasn’t you

Alright

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

How could you forget that Mom’s the one who owns this villa

She’s got sixth senses that snap up on her pilla

You keep this up she’s gonna be your killa

She knows it’s you even got ya on camera

Before you were dumb and strolled off into the shower

These humans got tech to catch you any hour

Yeah that’s video your ass up on stovetop

You gotta say it wasn’t you to save you from the next stop

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
Heard her screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

Act like nothing happened, that it’s no big deal  

Walk your Cujo walk, denial in your cool

See if you can sing another cat’s fault song

Maybe Sunny with who you don’t get along  

You’re gonna be banished from house for real

You’ll be pushin’ daisies soon for just this deal

You’ll be out garage, house life won’t last

Get caught again and 9th life will pass  

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
I heard the screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

Gonna blame some other

For the smell that I’ve caused

Gotta be some other cat who goes and pees against doors

I will tell her that maybe it’s because of the dogs

I’ll just make sure they don’t catch me

When they figure mad cause

Celie came in and she caught me red handed

Peeing on the shower floor

Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo

Who doesn’t litter box no more

How could I forget that she lived

On this very big house floor

Just right down the hall here

Till she was standing at the bathroom door

Celie came in

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me I do say

I didn’t pee I will say

Celie came in then

She caught me red handed

It wasn’t me

Meow

So Then Sunday: New Cat Scratcher … Sir?

Since the end of February I have been dealing with a back issue, a really bad back issue actually, after popping it turning a doorknob at the bottom of a flight of stairs at the old apartment. I know, the simplest of things right? I mean if you’re going to pull your back it should at least be doing something cool or possibly even heroic, like lifting a car off a kid or something in a traffic accident, not just turning a fucking doorknob but multiple X-Rays revealing a fracture, a new one (yeah, this ain’t my back’s first creaky rodeo it seems) a bone density test, a couple of MRI’s and a shitload of awful nights (it hurts when I pee takes has taken on on a whole new not in college meaning now as the simple act of just standing up from out of bed has me sounding like the Troll that lives under the bridge to my upstairs neighbors I’m sure so when I do get into a position that doesn’t make me tear up in pain, at my PC desk now for example, I just stay there.

So thus me just doing some scrolling back through old stuff, one to marvel at my own brilliance hehehe and two cause my PC chair is probably the most “comfortable” spot in my feeble, fragile old man world right now.

Speaking of old then, a So Then Sunday, a re-posting of something older, in this case, a fave post of mine from back in August of 2021 about being old.

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New Cat Scratcher … Sir

(August 3, 2021)

On my way home tonight I stopped into PetSmart to see if I could find a cat scratcher that wasn’t ridiculously expensive, something I wasn’t all that confident in accomplishing. Though I have managed to trim them on occasion, it’s not the easiest of endeavors to convince Bella to let me clip her nails and they are getting a little long again as she’s clicking on the hardwood now like she’s taken up tap dancing and rehearsing a new number so I thought a new scratcher would at least help her with some nail maintenance.

I know she wants another one, a stand-up model (I do have a nice large well used wood framed one with cat scratch cardboard inside that sits flat on the floor but it’s not quite the same) as she keeps trying to also use this old one and well, a couple of short naked two by fours nailed together with a carpet top don’t really do the trick. It’s also Bella’s way I think, with the repeated attempts, to say “yo, knucklehead, human, can ya see what I’m tryin’ to do here on a couple of short naked two by fours nailed together with a carpet top?! Are ya catchin’ my fruitless cat scratchin’ drift … numbnuts?!”

She’s right, as you can see it doesn’t really have any cat scratchedyness to it anymore as almost all the rope is gone or fallen to the bottom like scratchy rope one legged shorts around its ankle. I only keep it for a couple of reasons. First is a sentimental one. It’s one of my earliest and favorite pictures of Shoes from when he was kitten, one of my bestest of pals who passed away 6 six years ago now, clutching onto it in its newer days to give me a stare and a sniff while we were getting to know each other and second, I keep it on the floor at the end of the bed as it’s kind of become a pretty good lean to assist for old man stand ups. You see I stand UP from my bed as I don’t have a bedframe, just my box spring and mattress on the floor (I don’t like bed frames … got’s to be proactive on possible spots for monsters underneath right?) so the assist can be welcome, but not always necessary, I’m not quite there yet in my oldness thank you, though still welcome on occasion, breathy light grunty exhales sometimes included.

Anyway, as I was looking wide raised eyebrow eyed at price tags of cat seats and cat condo’s that can also serve as scratchers on the big shelves or a few smaller ones in an aisle across from them on the regular shelves a pretty young woman passed to step into the next aisle for canned cat food, the aisle that has the Wellness Brand by the way, which is pretty good stuff and correspondingly expensive.

I found two possible scratchers but held the thought for the moment, debating 30 bucks versus 40, as the pretty young woman buying some canned food suddenly reminded me that I should do the same, even though this wasn’t my initial intent tonight, before that reminder fell out of the front of my head only to silently slide out the back. PetSmart has a few things the girls like that the grocery store doesn’t carry so I then passed her, reminder still holding noggin front, on my way a couple of aisles up to where another less expensive brand is located but, knowing that she was stocking up on the Wellness, I almost felt guilty and a bad cat dad for going with the cheaper stuff. I was even worried she’d notice disapprovingly.  

After I grabbed a few cans of what, like I said, I can’t find at the grocery store (a slightly more top shelf version of this one at least to ease my new found bad cat dad guilt) I made my way back to the scratchers aisle to make a decision on that 30 versus 40 bucks but accidentally came up one aisle short (because of course I did) and stepped right into the one that the pretty young woman was standing at the end of, still, though unknowingly, shaming me as she loaded a cardboard flat with the Wellness food, and I almost bumped into her.

“Whoa, shit, sorry, wrong aisle, my bad”

“No problem” she said

Now then it occurred to me that this all could have looked as if I had done it intentionally. See a pretty young woman pass me when, suddenly, it seems I need to walk past HER and then come back again only to “accidentally” step into her aisle and almost bump into her?

Future reference. I never do anything like that intentionally, I REALLY only ever do things like that accidentally, usually too lost in my own thoughts to sidetrack them unnecessarily for that kinda stuff. Plus that whole possible thought’s attention silently sliding out the back of my head thing I mentioned earlier. In general, if I happen to note, wherever I may be, that there’s some younger woman there who, like in this case, is attractive I also then, almost immediately, note the operative word in this sentence, “younger” and that I’m most probably old enough to be her dad, a dad who would probably kick my ass at any of this whole notion of noting things. So, quick admiration and acknowledgement of pretty and I’m done with the thought. Then it’s just to possibly some accidental awkwardness.  

She ended up at the checkout line in front of me and as she was getting ready to leave, bag in hand full of her good cat mom Wellness Brand food and as I was slowly putting my cat scratcher down for the cashier while holding back ever so slightly on the lesser cat food stuff being seen she looked at me and said.

“Have a good night Sir”

“You as well” I replied

Damn … and yeah … she called me “Sir” to which I had three thoughts.

1. Sigh.

2. If she did for some reason think I was actually trying to “check her out” or even hit on her and that I was a bit too old for the attempt and should know better the “Sir” was very subtly and very well played, very well played indeed. Bravo lady!

3. Sigh.

I think I might just be leaning a little more heavily on that old Shoes cat scratcher at the end of the bed for the stand ups this evening while pausing the TV or in the middle of the night when I have to pee a million times it seems, sometimes even when I don’t have to but just think that I do.

Me 2: “Well is that right now … is that what you’re thinking … Sir?”

Me 1: “Shut up Me 2 … fucker.”

I Bella (me & steve) – (poem)

Yesterday at dVerse Poets Melissa presented us some artworks of Louis Wain and his famous cats as well as some of his story.

So from Melissa was this, “the assignment”, choose one of the artworks of Wain’s that she included in her post (dVerse link above) and write a poem of it. The only stipulation being that you cannot use the word “cat”, other cat terms are fine, just not the actual word cat.

I thought, and for those that may know me here in the Attic, well, ** something about cats? Now that’s kinda in my cat guy wheelhouse.

Of the choices, I opted for the flower eyed cat in his ‘untitled’ piece as cats are indeed beautiful and magical as Wain imagined.

** link to some silly cat posts

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I Bella (me & steve)

If apple could smell of fish heads and cliché’d claw thieving seaside shanty towns

I would be that of his eye 

and have name to imply

my

place deserved in this window’s high carpeted altar

curled closer to the sun

god  

in reverence of rays that exist but only, I know, to assist

my subsist

in a second coat’s

warmth

when fish heads might not be enough to fill

 

It might reflect that eye’s apple

even in petal bloom artist takes

for I am fields and grass and flowers to hunt among

or lounge more daydream of this sun

god

just closer now to earth taking in the full breadth

and what my name may be

simply for definition’s sake

of me and who is me to Steve and he to me

and our world under the sun

in windows once more

back

closer again worship 

though …

 

I would be Bella

sun god wishing to rival now

the warm I send back in naps of grand small furry feline universe dreams

on bedded altars

or in fields of adventure flowers and grass

where I wore funny float down slow earth particle hats collecting my brow

and wanting to know why he’s never been as beautiful as me

bella-window-spot-5

Oompa Loompa Bob Song: An Oompa Loompa Cautionary Tale Eulogy

So a friend, Drew, recently posted to the Facebook this meme …

… and I thought well, what if the Oompa’s showed up at the funeral of this meme guy, a fella named Bob maybe, whose ‘last mistake’ was actually his LAST mistake.

Now, if anyone was wondering why it’s been so long since I’ve had a girlfriend, probably not, well, this is the kind of thing that I think about and do for fun which goes a long way to explaining said singleness.

I don’t date, don’t go to movies, or dinner, or events, or play pickleball, or go “clubbin'” and whatever that might entail (sounds expensive and I ain’t got the wardrobe for it as I’m sure sweatpants aren’t gettin’ me past the bouncer) I don’t nature hike, I’m not a regular at any monthly game nights with friends, I don’t Church, I certainly don’t go on retreats (“retreat” – it sounds so white flag defeating), I don’t go to family get togethers with anyone new and pretty in tow to make Aunt’s happy (Oh, “finally” they would say in small Aunt klatches quieting any busybody speculation), I don’t gym or bike or jog or even walk briskly, not that some exercise wouldn’t hurt, I don’t do anything in groups though the one’s I am not in might sometimes remark unfairly of such, no, I just do this sort of stuff and other writing things silly and not silly, oh, and I have full blown conversations with cats.

It’s amazing what you can learn about a cat’s daily by the way, if you just take the time to listen. “Really? You meditated in a window in the sun (napped) while contemplating the mysteries of the universe and then woke up and went to the litter box?!”

Yeah, that ‘single’ status ain’t changing anytime soon I don’t think.

Anyway, for the dearly departed Bob, who took one final unintended bus ride to the sky.

Oompa Loompa Bob Song

Oompa, Loompa, doompety-do
I’ve got a little story for you
Oompa, Loompa, doompety-dee
it’s about Bob so please listen to me

What do you get when you’re walking a street
Lost in your cell “hey, that video’s neat”
You don’t pay attention to what’s in your surrounds
Including that curb’s last mistake to be found

I don’t like the look of this

Oompa, Loompa, doompety-don’t
Step off that curb Bob please tell me you won’t
Oompa, Loompa, doompety-please
Lift your head, look around at that bus bearing down


… Ya big dope!

… Ya really dead dope!

… Oh, Bob

Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide – Tip #353: Cats Can Sleep On Anything (+ a tips #342-#352 handy catch up)

This is more of an observation than a tip, but cats can indeed sleep on anything and often in the most uncomfortable appearing ways. Cricket the Blind, for instance, likes to not watch TV with me for obvious reasons but also while sleeping sort of on my lap and my remote, if I forget to grab it quickly enough, with her head and a third of her body hanging over my right hip facing down where it seems she is in danger of just sliding right off, though that is usually when I am able to retrieve my remote when it hits the floor.

Now to most humans this would have them imagine themselves, if in a similar position, to just have blood rushing uncomfortably to the their heads until they pass out (but not before, for a brief instant, possibly glimpsing myriad secrets of the universe with that extra noggin blood rush).

But after that it’s back to the passing out and possibly toppling over bringing with it a bruise or two, plus some of that momentary glimpse into the secrets of the universe thing could have been a disappointment anyway and you don’t want that – a bit deflating really.

My dearly missed Shoes, “The Big Orange”, was famous in our small Steve and cats world, for being a true cat-titioner of taking that cats sleeping uncomfortably and also on anything, more than just head south on simple remotes, to purring heart … and to a new level.

I mean he was like any good cat. A t-shirt tossed on the bed? Sleep on it. A pair of sweats? Sleep on it. A drunk friend on the couch? Sleep on ’em.

A laundry basket full of stinky clothes? Sleep IN it (and always more preferable than the laundry basket full of post laundry clean ones for some reason, freakin’ weirdo cats).

Pre-laundry stinky clothes basket? Sleep in it.

Post-laundry all clean fresh clothes basket? Sniff, ignore, pass and sleep somewhere else.

But then …

Me: Shoes, why are you sleeping on that torn up cat scratcher?

Me: Shoes, why are you sleeping on my clunky winter boots, in the closet?

Me: Shoes, how the hell did you get on top of the fridge? Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. My bad.

Me: Shoes, really, on the cable box?

Me: (Shoes on the third shelf of the bookcase/knickknacker) Dude! What, you trying to glean some sci-fi through cat nap osmosis?! And how the hell did you get up there … and without knocking anything over!?!? (cats be nimble)

Me: Ahhhh SHIT!! (after dropping an entire small plastic container of tacks while barefoot) Godammit!! (tiptoeing and looking for the broom)

Shoes: Whoa!! Not so so fast on the clean-up my good (hu) Man, I must sleep on them first.

Friend: (waking up on the couch – but afraid to move – muffled) Steve, your cat is sleeping on my face.

Me: (finding myself strolling through Hell) Shoes, c’mon, seriously, are you sleeping on damned souls?!

Shoes: They looked like they could use some cat … and I was in need of nap.

Me: Shoes!! They are literally engulfed in damnation’s eternal flames!!

Shoes: And? Your point? It’s warm, cats like warm.

I was reminded of this tonight in, well, a sort of anti-climactic way now I guess, especially after that whole Shoes sleeping on hell found damned for an eternity souls bit an’ all, but was reminded when I saw Cricket sniffing around my extra pillow on the bed, the one that is there for no reason other than to have this look like a “proper” bed and maybe even be small measure of hope (no, it’s not that).

I had just tossed my eye glass case on it and Cricket, with an entire other half of the pillow to choose from, decided to sleep on it.

Me: Cricket?

Cricket: Hey! It was here Steve, so I thought “I must sleep on it”.

Well, Shoes would be proud girlfriend.

Ok, since it’s been a little while since I posted a new cat tip (starting back in April of last year) here are the rest of my Crazy Cat Lady Guy’s Cat tip posts to get you up to speed … for now.

There will surely be more additions to this handy guide to come.

You’re welcome.

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A Crazy Cat Lady Guy’s Cat Guide – Tips #’s 342-348: A convenient list of tips to give an assist in the world of Cats, not, say, Dogs or Rabbits or Guinea Pigs or wild things found in the woods that become the topic of an ad laden web post “They thought it was a cat but then …” and the restorative effects of meditation on cats

A Crazy Cat Lady Guy’s Cat Tips: Tip #349

Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide – Tip #350: A Bella Note and A Too Small New Cat Box

Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide – Tip #351: When it’s International Cat Day You Post Accordingly

Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide – Tip #352: Extra Computer Chairs?

Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide – Tip #350: A Bella Note And A Too Small New Cat Box

Well, I went shopping again late last week for another new cat box, which, as I have mentioned before in my Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide, can be rather expensive these days, upwards of 60 or 70 bucks. Luckily this time around though, I only had to spend $30 and change (I had a 50% off receipt from my last cat box shopping excursion to use towards a new one) but, sadly, I bought the wrong size.

It was a little small as what previously had been a perfect fit for Cricket the Blind …

… was not so much for Bella (she could probably go with a salad on occasion). She is though very considerate and, not wanting to make me feel bad for my gaffe (never been good at buying things that require correct sizes for the ladies) said in her big unblinking Bella eyes kinda way in a box bulging at its sides, after I asked her what she thought and if it were too small “No, Steve, this is just fine … it’s perfect as a matter of fact, I love it!”

“Really? You like it? You’re not just saying that? I was worried about the size.”

“No, not at all. Like I said, it’s perfect!”

“Oh, that’s great!”

She then whispered while starting to scratch at fresh tissue paper before climbing in … “F-You box, and don’t you dare say a word, I makes fits so you better works with me here or this simple tissue paper scratching will only turn into something waaaaay worse for you. Gots me?! This is for Steve.”

“See? I fits!”

“Awww” (crazy cat lady guy smiles).

Note: as previously mentioned in the Crazy Cat Lady Guy Cat Tips Guide (Tip #344 of tips #342 through #347) when searching out new cat boxes, possibly even expensive ones or even ones, in this case, one that you save a bit on with a 50% off receipt from your last cat box shopping trip always make sure they come with the added bonus of a pair of sneakers, preferably Sketchers.

Cat On A CAT (a seussian poem … and that)

Celie (my landlady) has been doing some work in the front of the house and looking out my window earlier while sitting here at the PC I saw that Handsome had found a new tall spot to sit, as cats are wont to do.

So I thought to a little Seussian thing then … and that.

Cat on a CAT

And a handsome named cat thought to sat somewhere at

In a place that was tall where cats do feel fat

In lording like barons to view holdings anew

Over world not so flat from new heights would be at

He thought

Well how about that

A cat to sit on a CAT?

That then it is

This then is that

Thought a cat

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“Hey, who’s got the keys? I’ll supervise.”

Of Radio Engineers, Cat Crunchy Paper & Possible Spaceships

Downstairs at the station earlier this week was a recent package for Tom, one of our radio engineer guys, possibly the tallest radio engineer guy on the East Coast which means absolutely nothing here, he’s just pretty tall, thought I’d mention it.

It was a big box, with lots of smaller boxes of surely important and expensive radio equipment stuff, smaller boxes of radio thingy’s and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize in an engineer way that would eventually be replacements for old thingy’s and whatchamacallits or be completely new additions, or maybe even be part of the controls on the bridge of a spaceship Tom was building on the station’s dime on the down low to get him the hell out of here, but conduits to buttons that I would probably at some point push (or not push – depending on the yellow post-its with pointed arrows that say “Frankenberry Don’t Push This”).

Noted I thought, but I just used the word “eventually” earlier as to installation of all this so I was good for the moment to not concern myself with personal yellow post-it notes just yet, but notice instead the more important aspect of what was also in this big box, with the lots of smaller boxes of surely important radio equipment stuff, the smaller boxes of thingy’s, and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize and come with soon post-it warnings for me (though I might try to stow away on his spaceship to get the hell out of here as well – hopefully he brings post-its, I mean, it’s a spaceship … waaaay more important to note buttons I shouldn’t push out there … in space … ya know, where spaceships go … wouldn’t want to accidentally send us hurtling into a sun or something because that particular “send you hurtling into a sun” button didn’t have a simple post-it note telling me NOT to push it).

But also in the big box? Brown packing paper, lots of brown packing paper, or more famously, for me and my Bella, “crunchy paper”.

I was excited! Crazy cat lady guy excited! (been a while since I had refreshed the crunchy paper, the old paper rolled around on and slept on scratched on and cat puked on and cat toy played on so much by my little Bella that it was now nothing more than cloth soft paper tatters).

I asked Tom if he thought he might need any of this “crunchy paper” for possible returns and if not, could I have it … for my cat.

He looked quizzically, annoyedly and in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kind of way, the way he often does when looking at me (he probably being the one most understandably responsible for those yellow post-it notes in the first place) and said “Sure?” hoping I would just leave his office as quickly as possible.

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I thanked Tom earlier today for my Bella, told him Bella said I must, and even showed him pictures, like any crazy cat lady guy worth their catnip would, that he feigned interest in like a real trooper instead of just looking at me again quizzically, again annoyedly and again in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kind of way and said “You’re welcome?” hoping, once more, that I would just leave his office as quickly as possible (got a spaceship to work on here Frankenberry!! And don’t you dare try to stowaway, don’t know if post-its stick so well in space!).

Well how about that Bella?! A possible space adventure and new crunchy paper!!

Tom says “You’re welcome” by the way.

“Crunch Crunch Crunch”