So Then Sunday: You Can Call Me King (song + editorial)

(revised some 10-08)

Six years ago I stopped writing “editorials”, long winded things imagining myself as some sort of opinion writer for important newspapers and instead went with song … parodies. Parodies that aren’t parodies really (I hate calling them that) but instead my former long winded editorials whittled down to just short winded words within the confines of a tune. Plus it made them a hell of lot more fun as I discovered what I have always known, that I like to “sing”, however poorly, saved only with some production magic

Today, though, I thought to combine them, a short opinion piece that people will skip over to get to the tune (which is cool, just listen to the tune at least, it’s really good) an opinion piece that obviously would be a bit more sedate for print in major newspapers I’ll never be published in but something that still makes an angry point and a return to the best “parody” I’ve done and my standard. It is also one of my most viewed posts so it seems whoever may stop by here in the Attic and I are on the same page

Though this one, the tune eventually here, is from four years ago it’s still pretty relevant

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So this is some pretty simple shit. I mean it ain’t gonna get no simpler, ok it could, my bad, it could be as simple as a 2 + 2 equation or it could be a question of whether you want to live or die or even a vanilla or chocolate vs shit sandwich but this is pretty simple. Do you want a democracy or a dictatorship, a theocracy, a new world order where all of your rights are gone? Where you are told how to live and believe? Where you are forced into a knee bend fealty. Pretty simple shit. “Oh you’re just being dramatic, you’re just being an alarmist, you’re even responsible for attempts on the Orange Devil’s life with such talk”.

No and fuck you JD. Bringing up the possible, no, probable end of democracy that would come at the hands the Orange Devil is NOT the talk that is getting him shot at.

That is a response to the intentional incendiary language of Trump and the lessening or dehumanizing everyone on the planet, especially immigrants, except white males.

There is no couching this in claimed hysterical woman-like madness as a JD surely would, have us return to a world where such a statement isn’t out of order, where women are second class citizens and just vessels for new babies for a new Reich. I mean you do understand that the Orange Devil and especially his running mate glory Viktor Orban, find him to be an inspiration right? That they invited him to speak at their yearly CPAC 4th Reich fest? “Illiberal democracy?” Sorry Viktor but you are not allowed to imply anything remotely democratic by simply making up a designation that has democracy in the title. I mean, and to repeat, THEY INVITED A DICTATOR TO SPEAK AT CPAC like this was some new Madison Square Garden get together back in ’32 and the orange devil even welcomed and hosted him at his compound in the Florida fatherland. Viktor fucking Orban!! I shouldn’t even have to make a point of this, THEY INVITED A DICTATOR TO SPEAK AT CPAC but that is the new GOP, unapologetically authoritarian and anti-democratic, un-American.

Now in a different age I might say that you are allowed to your opinion and that I respect it, especially if it is an informed one but now, today? Informed is conspiracy theories and lie filled and know that If you are to vote Orange know based on this “knowledge” that you are simply … just … wrong. If you base ANYTHING on a Trump “truth” you are wrong and know that you have simply succumbed to being hook line and sinkered by a conman and his too slick snake of a sidekick.

Oh, and I have some sneakers and Bibles and coins and watches and keychains and T-shirts and flags and maybe even garden gnomes backing up in a warehouse

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To Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al”

(originally posted March 7, 2020)

You Can Call Me King

A man lies as he breathes
He says why would you trust another now
Who can you possibly trust
Now I’ve shown you what my facts is
A fascist truth sledgehammer
Nuthin’ else believe-able matters
Other than this con in this con man’s swamptown

(and a-oooh ah-oooh)

Lap dogs in orange swamplight
Here’s a lie-ball GOP go fetch excuses

Newsman, newsman
Get these facts away from me, ya know,
No one finds real truth interesting anymore

If you’ll loyalty me blind
I can be your despot chum
I can call you subject
And subject you adore me
You can call me Czar

This man original Trumper says
There can never be a never me
If there’s a never me they’ll never be
Happy in a sea of me
Where will the answers come from
If I don’t truly be-lieve
Who will I turn to when
The truth slaps me
Awake and awake
To the harsh realities
Of Moscow Mitch’s word marble hypocriteness
Hammers and sickles
Getting stocked up in the open
Along with some of the finest cossack hats

If you’ll loyalty me blind
I’ll let you kneel and kiss my ring
I can call you subject
And subject you adore me
You can call me King
You can call me King

A man late night he’s tweeting
How he’s a victim in this world
Maybe it’s a big blue meanie world
Where they’re just out to get him
And they don’t see his genius
Or see how great he his
The greatest all narcissists
Surrounding himself with nothing more than
Clowns clowns
Who dance for him like marionettes
In a tiny orange circus

He checks the mirror again
Sees Messiah staring back at him
At least that’s what the hacks say
And he so believes them

If you’ll loyalty me blind
I can be your despot chum
I can call you subject
And subject you adore me
You can call me Don

Na-na-na-na-na
Just call me king-na-na
You can kiss my ring na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Loyalties the thing na-na
Better never sing na-na
I’ll take your everything na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na

Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
Better give up mind now

Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
You’ll be just fine now

Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
Just a matter of time now

Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
Democracy dies now

If you’ll loyalty me blind

I’ll let you kneel and kiss my ring

I can call you subject

And subject you adore me

You can call me King