Not my usual if not a parody tune in this regard, as I try to stay away from straight up commentary. No one reads that shit here, it’s too easy, and too dull. Occasionally though …
Recent GOP House timeline
Pre mid-terms : chomping at the bit for a red wave that will usher in some actual governing from a party that generally avoids such a thing, possibly taking control of both houses. (temperature: giddy, if that were a temperature)
Post mid-terms: nurse wounds from a new found non-existent red wave that just leaves asses chafed and chapped but still chomping at the bit to actually do some governing now after a narrow victory though not really knowing exactly how anymore as governing is not their “thing” just obstruction and not condemning any of the dangerous and bigoted rhetoric of their members. (temperature: daffy … that’s actually a real temperature it seems)
Having one guy try to endlessly elect himself speaker of the House that will now finally allow them to start to govern, even though they have been turning a blind eye to such for years but telling you that they could do it better than anyone ever in the history of ever (words probably borrowed from a friend):
Try #1 – now is our time … ok just a test run …
Try #2 – no worries ..
Try #3 – ummm?
Try #4 – bloc of 20 holds tight, dubs themselves future cell block crazy’s
Try #5 – ?????
Try #6 – Jim Jordan has been nominated and that seems almost sane in the most insane way. Some bigwig nutter on Twitter with a ton of followers even has recently tweeted that he is the most trustworthy member of Congress, the shower kids surely agree.
Try #7 – still no worries, just trying to get our fu … ducks in a row
Try #8 – zzzzz
Try #9 – zzzzz
Try #10 – zzzzz
Try #11 – America? You still awake? This is Democracy in action. What can be more Democratic than being able to continue voting until you get your desired result?
Try #12 – zzzzz
Try #13 – zzzzz
Try #14 – No, seriously you can bounce me at any time with just one vote of any of the bloc or another against me, can use my house at any time, no warning, just show up, you can even use it as a stepping off point for transporting minors across state lines if need be. It’s a really nice house, she’ll love it.
Try #15 – Success!! “I hope that one thing is clear after this week: I never give up … My father always told me: It’s not how you start or how much you embarrass and subjugate yourself along the way. It’s how you finish and make that phone call to Florida. “It’s a Kevin, says you know him, will you accept the charges?” We have got to finish strong for the American people (as long as they are rich).”
Finally in charge with the slimmest of margins the first order of business is to block the dollars in new IRS funding without actually looking at how that funding is to be spent, or NOT spent, or over what period of time, or why, no, just headline theatre damning the torpedoes of billions added to the deficit over same period of time, we are the fiscally responsible ones after all, trust us, while sending a message to rich friends that we will do everything we can to allow you to keep cheating on your taxes even though that’s not what this is about.
Announce an investigation into the definition of false equivalencies, and documents equated, which you would think having been used so often in the recent past that it wouldn’t need be defined but equivalencies has a LOT of syllables, shit’s tough, so the correct definition is vitally important. Instead, it shall now be defined as “I know what you are but what am I …”
Promise to investigate investigations into the investigators and how investigations came to be investigations and how those investigations were investigating things we didn’t want to be investigated unless of course we are the ones investigating. Oh, and laptops, laptops are coming. don’t forget laptops (and wistfully remembering her emails … man, the good ol’ days).
Declare Jan 6 a new national holiday. Patriots day.
Roll back the ban against smoking on Capitol Hill.
Doing important shit here.
“Hey, I figured out what false equivalency means”
“No, no you didn’t”
“Sorry, my bad”