Full bore Cricket the Blind at around her usual 6am the other morning after hopping down off the bed from her comfy spot and heading to the office.
Clocking in she grabs her clipboard and a pencil:
1. Loudly scratch the large flat cat scratcher – CHECK.
2. Messily slap the shit out of the water bowls and the water in them before standing/playing in one or both said bowls like kiddie pools to slurp water off paw and hope that mom comes out with sandwiches and Kool Aid – CHECK.
3. Crunch away at hard food with mouth open – CHECK.
4. Sit for a moment and wail mournful sounding meows as if at the funeral of a cat friend while dropping flowers on the grave – CHECK.
5. Take a head lolling roomba cat stroll around the apartment until I hear little Bella hiss from her comforter cat bed – CHECK.
6. Return to water bowls, commence with more water slapping kiddie pool standing paw slurping or maybe even actual very audible water drinking – CHECK.
7. Think about puking or actually puke – CHECK.
8. Hit the litter box. Literally “hit” the litter box, on all sides inside, even sides that aren’t actually the litter box but can be called wall, scratch and drag and Bugs Bunny back kick while I pull the covers over my head trying not to hear the litter that’s raining down on the hardwood outside the box like hail – CHECK.
9. Hang clipboard in it’s spot, clock out and hop back up onto the bed to grab another comfy spot next to or on a now fully awake Steve, her work complete – CHECK.
Freakin’ noisy messy-ass cat.
New addition to her office clipboard checklist this morning though.
10. Meow one solitary meow after the clocking out that sounds exactly and strangely like “Whyyyyyyyy?” – CHECK.
Freakin’ noisy messy-ass existential cat.