Incident Free Winter Crippled at the Ranch

Being a few snowstorms into the winter and halfway through February we were doing pretty well here at the Franken-Greco Ranch avoiding snow incidents. There have been no expensive discoveries with the roof (wood knocking as I write), no sledding accidents involving trees, cars or squirrels and there have been no children in white winter coats misplaced. I haven’t accidentally covered our neighbor’s dog Molly while shoveling our driveway as she nips at me and I’ve successfully allowed our mailperson the opportunity to keep her “in any element” mantra intact by clearing the mailbox well enough to keep her delivering those vital Valuepak coupons and other pieces of bulk we couldn’t live without. But, alas, the shoveling is where I ruined our perfect, incident-less, winter snow record. It was last week and I’m walking around hunched over like some crippled character from a snow covered Grimm’s tale. I was doing so well too. I had gotten the driveway down to a science of anally parceling off sections to be shoveled one at a time in quick, easy push and throw kind of motions. Easy if the snow is a little on the fluffy side that is. Snow on the wetter, heavier, side? Not so much.

I know you’re thinking, if you’ve been here with me in the attic before, “Hey Frankenberry, don’t you live with a chore age child who could help you out with the task of shoveling this driveway at the Franken-Greco Ranch?” Now in that thought you would be spot on. We do indeed, here at the F-G Ranch, have such a chore ready child, age of ten, nimble and wiry, tall and with strong teeth and gums (no, I’ve never put him up for sale at a 4H auction or in a Dicken’s fiction, it’s The only thing is, viable thought or not, said chore age child is my Maria’s son Jagger. The last time I recruited him to assist with the driveway he shoveled the front lawn.

So, needless to say but saying it anyway, I handle the driveway chore. I also consider appointments with chiropractors and sleep in a painful fetal position that Shoes the cat finds just perfect for laying in the cusp of.

If you want to come over for a visit, by the way, there’s a fine piece of front lawn I can have cleared for you so, in your surveying of the beautiful Franken-Greco Ranch property, you don’t get any snow in your pant cuffs.

Happy “Ouch!” Snow Days


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