So a number of nights ago I noticed, as I sat at my desk workin’ stuff in my basement Attic, that I had some company scurrying next to my lamp and possibly sizing up whether he could lift and then beat me to death with it.
Now, possible ill intentions aside, I left him to whatever those intentions were, ill or otherwise and then, well, I forgot about him and them there possible intentions. And, after a few nights of making sure to sleep with my mouth closed, I forgot about him even more until he practically ceased to exist, like, sadly, a lot of things in the world these days.
That was almost two weeks ago.
Then tonight, as I was straightening up Bella and Cricket’s room, the one they let me share, while I did a load of laundry (because it’s a FRANKEN-PAR-TAY FRIDAY!!) I went to grab the garbage out of the small can I have next to my desk.
I opened the lid (with my foot on a lever at the bottom of it … I know, cool huh? – simple mechanical shit is still like magic) and on top of a paper towel napkin in said garbage?
“Dude!? Jesus!!”
Seems Mr Spidey Pants is still with me, just hiding on used paper towel napkins at the top of my garbage.
One: I don’t want to know how he got in there and if he was strong enough to open the lid on his own OR worse, strong AND smart enough to ACTUALLY step on the still cool ass lever first and then be fast enough to scurry to the top of the can and jump in. Well, he may, indeed, be strong enough to wield my lamp like a blunt instrument but now he’s added speed and smarts which becomes an additional, worrisome issue entirely.
Two: Is he somehow surveilling me and is part of the surveillance to go through my trash? And if so, who does he work for?
Three: What’s been on his mind lately, possibly something troubling him as he obviously has been letting himself go. “Seriously Man, your legs could use a bit of a shave” and could any of these troubles boil over to the point where my lamp becomes the murder weapon discovered in the early parts of a police procedural?
Four: There isn’t a four, three was plenty enough and well … whatever. I just know the many legged fella is “back” AND back from wherever he has been hiding, which is something I am definitely not going to think about, his possible lair, though we all do need some place to rest while devising dastardly plans I guess, but I will now be sleeping with my mouth closed again, at least for a few extra nights.
Note: I did make my Sister aware of Mr Spidey Pants just in case, ya know, in case his “lair” is somewhere above the stairs here and her cats have been as lax as mine in their supposed years told spidey-hunt catness … unless there is something even more dire at paw.
Note Twice: I have a friend who lives in Australia, the famed land of bugs and critters that all start, nominally, at the size of small dog and can carry away children to raise them as their own and take advantage of their opposable thumbs and that all could kill you, not with some possible super bug strength and a heavy lamp but with a mere glance who might read this and just say “Pshawwww! That ain’t no spider! Hell brother, our spiders all have leashes and are taken for walks.”
I know, freakin’ overly dramatic Americans.
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