Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heartfelt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune and other songs, sometimes I even get a little bit poetic or short story-etic or something like that. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Raspberry (Razzy), Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything … 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs … damned humans.
Been a bit of a long week here in Frankenland so it was nice to finally get to the end of it, plus it’s also a holiday weekend so a “Sheesh, finally, perfect timing holiday weekend. You know just how to time things to ease an ill …”
Hold up!!!
Hold up what?!
Hold up!!! You don’t get this one.
I don’t what?
You don’t get this one, this day, this holiday.
What? Why the hell not!!!
Dude, really?
Ok (sigh) I’ve never gotten this one, some national holidays consider radio folks to be poor stepchildren but make you still hold off on sending mail till Tuesday, no matter the importance and possible time sensitive nature of that mail you didn’t have for a not send but are now pissed off about, but a boy can dream right? That maybe it might have slipped a crack or two this year?
Nope, radio still hates Columbus … as does real history. Rightly so.
Son of a bitch, well ya know what? I’m just going to not show up on Monday, the holiday day, in protest! So take that and raspberry spitty lip sounds to you!!
Mark you down for burning a PTO day then, you rebel?
Yes please.
Anyway, the long week involved just a Wednesday, a Wednesday morning specifically but it bled into the rest of the week and into a Friday and this now weekend.
I broke down on the NY State Thruway on my way to our stations in Beacon, not a broke down as to finally all of my personal demons having hit their heads on demon ceilings that just had me crying on the side of the thruway curled up in a fetal position clutching grass, but a “I broke down” as to my car, Lilly (though I did consider the fetal position while making emergency phone calls). Seems her alternator had given up the ghost, and just a few miles short of my Newburgh exit destination, but not enough miles short of the 7 bucks a pop per mile the tow company charged to not make it hurt … a lot.
Plus, alternators? Holy expensive batcar!! And my guys at the shop in Beacon showed me why. With gruesome pictures. “Oh Lilly, you’ve been violated!! Oh your pretty smile lost!!” Seems to get to the alternator in a 2013 Nissan Juke named Lilly you have to do a full car faceoctomy where you take that cars entire front end (said face), pull it off, mock it, lay it to the side, step around it, hit it head on, knock it around with a hammer, mock it a bit more, and then search for dead alternators and hope that your former Lilly smile isn’t askew now when an errant nut or bolt or two is found NOT in Lilly’s face rebuild but instead rolling around a car shop’s floor.
But no, all kidding aside, as much as you can kid from a fetal position, I am grateful that my Beacon guys were able to get Lilly’s smile back in order, and with no missing rolling around shop floors nuts or bolts. They were and are all placed in just the right way now to help me continue continuing.
Plus I will take that holiday weekend that I don’t get and burn a PTO day not thinking about how twelve hundred bucks is twelve hundred bucks I ain’t got, well, twelve hundred bucks that my Capital One card or Bank of America or Discover card has now with loan sharks whispering to finally go legit, quit this, at such an almost 30% deal, while I fan them in a card game out of my wallet, I raise your bankrupt, can’t remember which one. But I am driving at least and Peter and Paul can fight this shit out and pay each other at another time.
Lilly: My face hurts
Me: It hurts me too
Lilly: (blank eye blinks)
Me: Sorry, you opened the door and that was funny
Lilly: (blank eye blinks)
Me: Ok, maybe not.
Lilly: It was finally a relief though, to get me back, like a tough tooth.
A little while ago I discovered a community of writers at an online spot, dVerse poets and, courtesy of them, have been inspired to write some pretty good stuff over this time through prompts offered, numerous ones, on a weekly basis. Thank you by the way.
Anyway, one of the folks met there is Melissa, who offers some fun flash fiction prompts, with pictures for inspiration. Well …
“There you are Jenn, I’ve been looking all over for you!! You’re NOT going to believe this!!”
“A puppy followed you home and you’re going to adopt her and name her Buttons and everything’s finally gonna be Ok?”
“What? No! And where the hell did that come from? It’s also oddly specific”
“Nothing. Wait, let me guess, hold on, racking my brain, you uh … you umm … just a total out of the blue here, but you found a portal, an interdimensional portal maybe, or a time travel portal or a more run of the mill portal that’ll take you to distant galaxies?”
“Whoa, how did you know I was going to say … hey, wait a minute, you’re being sarcastic and mocking me aren’t you?”
“Yah think?”
“But this one is real Jenn, I swear.”
“You mean like that last one, in that alley, in a dumpster. You know I still smell of piss and decaying food and I think of something that crawled in there to just give up on life and die right?”
“That was just bad intel”
“Jesus, Ralph, bad intel?!! Who the fuck from? Some sort of deepthroat special operative from a top secret government organization? Or just one of the other tinfoil hats you talk to on your ham radio or on the dark web in your basement with Ant? And where is Ant by the way, he’s usually right behind panting and sweating along with your latest excitement?”
“He’s at the Laundromat”
“Really, well good, about time, speaking of that whole panting and sweating thing of his …”
“He’s not doing clothes, though you’re right, we need to have a heart to nose with him on that”
“Then why is he at … Oh, wait, let me guess, he’s with a portal isn’t he?!”
“Shut up and just come with me alright? Plus, it needs to be guarded. You’re gonna be blown away!”
“But probably not portalled away right? You know, you two are lucky I’m pathetic and have no life”
“You’re lucky you have two friends … now just come along”
“(sigh) alright … and that was cold by the way”
//////////////////////////////////////////
When Ralph and Jenn got to the laundromat, Ant was indeed there and was indeed guarding the “portal” and with a handful of quarters.
“Seriously Ant? Ralph?” Jenn said “A dryer? This is your latest portal? A dryer at Hammond’s? And what’s with the quarters? You’re not telling me this thing has to be running for it to “work” are you?”
“No, thankfully” Ant replied “but you do have to put quarters in for some reason for anything to actually portal”
“What, some other worldly being needs us to pay a toll to transport us to wherever?”
Ralph stepped in “Hey, will you take this seriously Jenn, please? It’s real this …”
“Take it seriously?! Dude it’s a fucking dryer in a laundromat!”
“Show her Ant?”
“Show me what!?” said Jenn loudly and losing her patience.
“Grab me a magazine off the table over there Ralph”
“Which one?”
“Really, did you just ask me that?”
“Ok, right, sorry, months old copies of Sports Unillustrated or Harper’s Bizarre or Nun’s Health or Neapolitan … don’t really matter which one I guess”
“Nun’s Health?”
“What, they don’t work out or worry about health and nutrition? I don’t know man, and hell, I didn’t even realize there were such things as knock-off magazines”
“Ok, well make it that one then, they’re always going on about reaching the heavens anyway”
Jenn was standing, impatiently, arms folded “Just waiting here fellas …”
Ant put a couple of quarters in and layed the copy of Nun’s Health inside the dryer … and waited
Jenn “Well?”
“Give it a sec” said Ant
Then there was the slightest sound, but strangely distinct, like they could hear a tuned pin drop in the middle of a crowded street or even, in this case, a noisy machined laundromat and there was an even slighter light, just a pinpoint, that flashed in front of and stunned and momentarily blinded all of them … then the Nuns were gone and all their knock-off mag healthy intentions.
“Awww shit!! What the hell was that?!” said Jenn jumping back suddenly and rubbing her eyes
Ant and Ralph both said at the same time, after getting their focus back “Look”
That’s when Jenn noticed the magazine was gone.
“Ok!! Where is it?! Which one of you numbnuts just grabbed it and tossed it in a corner or something while that sound and light fucked with me!!?”
“Neither of us Jenn … grab another magazine Ralph”
A couple of quarters, an almost imperceptible but very evident sound and light again and the Harper’s Bizarreand Neapolitan magazines were gone
“Hey!? I wanted to read that Neapolitan one!! The article about which one are you dating, vanilla, chocolate or strawberry sounded interesting”
“Shut up Ralph … there, ya see Jenn we weren’t kidding”
The three of them, after getting another roll of quarters and throwing in anything that was handy that all also disappeared, just stood there in silence, dumbfounded, staring at each other afraid to say what was next but was definitely what they were all thinking.
Then Jenn finally said “So which one of us gets in?”
Ant “Noooo, writer guy, that is definitely NOT what we were thinking!”
Ralph “Yeah writer guy, what he said!”
“Bullshit!” said Jenn
After another bit of silence Ant broke in “No, you’re right, you and writer dude, that’s EXACTLY what we were thinking”
Ralph “Yeah, what Ant said again, EXACTLY what we were thinking”
More silence
“Shit!” exclaimed Jenn, “Alright, it’s gonna have to be me”
“Why?!” Ant and Ralph chimed in together
“Because Ralph, you need to be out here in case I disappear, so you can, I don’t know, figure stuff out with that oversized egghead of yours, maybe contact all your weirdo pals to help possibly find me and Ant, well, sorry, but you need to do so some jogging and maybe eat a salad or two, hit a gym, something, you’re just not gonna fit”
“Damn, that’s cold Jenn … true, but still cold”
“It is what it is … and here I was the non-believer” Jenn said shaking her head and climbing into some sort of dryer portal at Hammonds Laundry & Juice Bar with no idea where the fuck this thing might be taking her
“Wait!” said Ralph “should we get you a sandwich or something, a power drink, or maybe a juice or a smoothie? Or even a towel? I mean we’re right here at a Juice bar AND laundromat and that towel thing sounds familiar, I mean you never …”
“Shut up Ralph!!” Jenn said as she slowly sat her way into the dryer, “you got the quarters Ant?”
He, nodded nervously “You sure about this Jenn?”
“Just do it Ant, but a few more quarters this time, quite a few, just in case”
Then there was that lightest but distinct sound again and that lightest but still bright pinpoint of light temporarily blinding them again and when their vision returned they looked in the dryer … Jenn wasn’t there, just one of her sneakers.
“Oh Shit!” cried Ant
“Oh Shit Shit!” cried Ralph
“Oh Shit Shit Shit! And she’s got just one sneaker now!!” cried Ralph some more “and she doesn’t even know what to expect, and now with just one shoe … and she really should have let us get her a sandwich, at least some chips or one of these Hammond’s smoothies”
Ant added “but look on the bright side, they surely have to have some sort of footwear wherever she went, right? and when she does get there at least she’ll have some reading material waiting for her, in case there’s some down time”
Ralph “good point, though she really should have waited so I could have grabbed her a …”
Ant cut him off “… don’t mention the sandwich again Ralph, please, just don’t mention the fucking sandwich”
“Sorry”
“Ok, now we gotta see if we can find her, start getting ready to round up the gang” Ant told him
“Gotcha” said Ralph “though, I’m a bit hungry now, think we can …”
Cold stare
“Ok, never mind. Maybe we start sending things through to contact her with like one of my ham radios, or wait, man I’m dumb, what if we just call her cell phone?’
“oh sure, like if she’s in some screwy interdimentional space she’s gonna have cell service? And you mean like this one? That she took out her pocket before climbing in?” Ant pointed to a folding table and Jenn’s phone.
“Shit, we’re gonna need some new resources Ant” Ralph said “and a lot more quarters”
Hi and welcome to the Attic, I'm Frankenberry of said Blog Title and I write of just my everyday here, sometimes funny, sometimes heartfelt, sometimes angry, sometimes funny again because, well, who don't like funny, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that's just kinda shit. I pen and sing the occasional parody tune and other songs, sometimes I even get a little bit poetic or short story-etic or something like that. If you're joining me here I thank you, but just mind your head and feet and keep an eye out for my little Bella and Cricket The Blind as well as the memories of Raspberry (Razzy), Mimi the Quirky, of Blink The Lil' Kit, Grayson the Mighty, Shoes the Big Orange, Shana-Girl, Benny Good Man Benny Brown, Merlin & Bob. Wouldn't want you step on them or anything ... 'cause then I might just have to throw you down the stairs ... damned humans.
Sundarbans,The sunderbans, Sundarban Tour, Sundarban Travel Guide, Mangrove Forest, UNESCO World Heritage Site, Royal Bengal Tiger, Tiger Sighting, Wildlife Photography, Bird Watching, Sundarban Safari, Houseboat Tour, Ecotourism, Adventure Travel, West Bengal Tourism, Bangladesh Tourism, People of Sundarbans, Local Culture, Bonbibi, Mowal, Honey Collector, Sundarban Legends, Mangrove Ecosystem, Conservation, Climate Change, Biodiversity, Sundari Tree, Sundarban Itinerary, Travel to Sundarbans, Kolkata to Sundarbans, Sundarban Boat Trip, Wildlife in Sundarbans, Saltwater Crocodile, Spotted Deer, Indian Python, King Cobra, Sundarban National Park, Sundarban Tiger Reserve, Bay of Bengal, River Cruise, Nature Photography, Forest Life.
A personal exploration of autism from a brother’s perspective, including family relationships, philosophy, neuroscience, mental health history and ethics
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