humor – Page 2

Did you Know? (with a star and a swoosh)

Facts:

Did you know that Donald Trump wears a Top Hat to bed and old time megaphones in his sleep from atop a box in a center ring?

Did you know that JD Vance dreams of how to match his collection of brown shirts with the right tie “Black, no Black, Black, dammit!!” to really make the outfit work.

Did you know that Kristi Noem played war games when she was a child?

Did you know that Kash Patel spells FBI “F’in’ Beeaatch Investigations” and would never seek unwarranted retribution for his boy?

Did you know that Senator Bill Cassidy isn’t actually a doctor? He just plays one, poorly, on the Senate floor?

Did you know that RFK Jr is a horrible dancer? I mean that’s obvious as he has two left foot truths for everything.

Did you know that Karoline Leavitt wears a cross to ward off evil leftist thoughts like they were vampires and keeps a clove a garlic in her purse? (and also because she is just superstitious … religion’ll do that … she wears the same embroidered cross socks to every press brief just in case and to cover herself from the bottom up)

Did you know that Mitch McConnell will never EVER be able to redeem himself for what he has wrought, no matter his votes? (yes, I said “wrought’ … what of it?!)

Did you know that Elon Musk dreams wistfully and longingly of days of Apartheid?

Did you know that to highlight his bonifides as a President of the people Trump and his disciples have put, and put, as many people out of work as they possibly can?

Did you know that I boiled eggs last night? I’m selling them for 5 bucks a pop. The hot sauce is extra.

Did you know that Marjorie Taylor Greene thinks Big Bird is real but a leftist plant, a tall one, indoctrinating kids with letters from A to D that that are sent from Jewish spy laser letter satellites burning coastal elites to learn them some biblical letter vengeance, only from A to D though. The rest she just finds confusing.

Did you know that the Gulf of Mexico just flat out disappeared? I mean, it’s not there, it’s just a really big coastal hole now, so much for vacationing, somebody call the FBI to investigate! … oh, wait

Did you know that Vladimir Putin likes Vodka and plays a drinking game with all his consonant heavy friends at the ongoing news?

Did you know Elon Muck-about, though some call him Leon … hold on, he’s already here on this list, is still dreaming white supremacist dreams like he did as a kid.

Did you know that Tucker Carlson is not out of sight out of mind (though the world can dream) and is a Russian State Hero?

Did you know that Jesse Watters has the IQ of a house plant and house plants are pissed off at the correlation. Not fair says “Spider” I know says “Ponytail Bonsai” and “Dieffenbachia” concurs at a google search of house plants.

Did you know that DOGE also stands for Day Of Gross Elon and Self Interest and Making Shit Up While I Rake In The Dough of All of My Conflict of Interest Government Contracts but DOGEDIMSUWIRITDOAOMCOIGC was a little long.

Did you know that Pam Bondi was the second choice for Attorney General AFTER Matt Gaetz, you were AFTER Matt Gaetz Pam. that’s gotta hurt a little, “But at least I didn’t traffic her across state lines” was her defense in confirmation hearings

Did you know that Tulsi Gabbard was Russian operative?

Did you know that Sharks shouldn’t be concerned with plastic straws as they’re eating, as they’re munching their way through the ocean?

Did you know that Canada would gladly give up universal healthcare and autonomy and a national identity to become our fifty third, or fifty first state depending on who falls first after Greenland and a stretch of water “What? A canal can’t be a state?”

Did you know that the sky is whatever color we tell you it is?

Did you know that Netanyahoo-whoooohoo was on board with some ethnic cleansing and is already dreaming of his toes in the sand?

Did you know that all of this true, that Karoline Leavitt said it was so, ok maybe not in so many words but she did promise to not tell a lie right from the get go, and we’ve seen how spectacularly unwell that has gone thus far and right in front of us too at a podium with some sort of seal while Sarah Hucksterbee Sanders surely cheered her chutzpah at selling poison in a bottle of cure-all lie tonic. At a podium with a seal. At a fucking podium. Podiums are huge!!

While she silently thanks the heavens for that clove of garlic in her purse, and her superstitious Christian socks from the bottom up, I’m sure she is questioning her life choices, unless she isn’t, then, sadly, she is lost to us.

(as per the Washington Post Jan 29, 2025 – Meta will pay $25 million to settle Trump lawsuit alleging censorship)

… Zuck, now nothing more than a spineless sack of goo, said he was eager to rewrite Meta‘s relationship with the American government by laying prostrate to the new King while making a cash payment oath of fealty.

“We now have a U.S. administration that is proud of our leading companies, prioritizes American technology winning and gladly accepts, no demands, exorbitant amounts of protection money” Zuck told investors during a $25 million dollar poorer earnings call “And I am optimistic about the progress and innovation that this can unlock as long as we always have plenty of cash on hand and agree to continue the new “fact-free” approach of our Facebook platform.”

This settles a 2021 lawsuit brought by President Trump alleging the company’s suspension of his social media accounts after the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol amounted to an act of censorship of a man legitimately trying to violently overthrow the U.S. Government.

Meta agreed to pay $25 million to resolve the legal dispute. The bulk of the settlement, $22 million, will help fund Trump’s presidential library, while the rest will pay legal fees and be divided among other plaintiffs in the case, according to Meta spokesman Andy Stone who then broke down in uncontrollable fits of laughter.

When asked what was so funny … more laughter, uncontrollable as just noted and in fits … when asked once again what was so funny spokesman Andy Stone finally gathered himself, took a deep breath and said “Sorry, my apologies. But the Trump Presidential Library??!! Now that shit just makes me laugh! I mean $22 million to fund what?! The back of a cereal box or a blank yellow notepad or a bathroom full of classified documents?! C’mon!! You know this is going right into this dude’s fat-ass pockets …” the uncontrollable laughter resumed until Meta spokesman Andy Stone was firmly led away.

The settlement builds on dramatic changes at Meta over recent weeks that have included Zuck and his wife buying new swimwear for trips to Mar-a-Lago and Zuck commissioning a statue of Trump to replace that Medusa’s estranged sister looking somebody lost a bet with Poseidon monstrosity of his wife.

Zuck did not return requests for comment and Andy Stone is now far, far away. Though if you listen closely you can still hear distant echoes of laughter “the Trump Presidential Library hehehehehehehehe ………..”