Tag: Funny

Cricket The Cat Poet – From Beyond the Lap (poem)

by Stephen J Frankenberry3 Comments on Cricket The Cat Poet – From Beyond the Lap (poem)

CRICKET’S CAT CONDO

A Cricket Blog

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Hi and welcome to the Condo, I’m Cricket of said blog title and I write of just my everyday cat here, sometimes funny, sometimes scratchfelt, sometimes angry where I meowl to the cat heavens like I’m at a cat funeral, thoughts on getting older and sometimes stuff that just needs to be buried in the box … like really buried, like spend some real quality catman-like time scratching and swiping and spinning and dancing small circles and dragging and burying them.

Mostly though I write about napping and eating and litter boxing and napping and eating and litter boxing some more and splashing water out of water bowls onto the pee pads underneath them because, well, I do that, a lot. Hey, every cat’s got “a thing” right? Sometimes, I even feel a little poetic like that guy of mine and through osmosis, or lapmosis, I have come to write some pieces of my own.  

I am blind too, just to let you know, though there was a time many cat lives ago where I wasn’t but I don’t let that hinder me from my catversing keyboard scribbling/stepping as I write in a stream of cat free step style. I am mostly deaf as well though that does help to not hear the things no one wants to hear from the world these days and to temper the reactions from aforementioned guy who I surely annoy with my water bowling and his constant need changing of pee pads and the stepping across a face with wet paws in the middle of the night.

If you’re joining me here, I thank you but just mind your feet for me and that other one, Bella (I love her, but she only just bears with me I think) and for my guy (he can be quite adept at dancing after years of cat my counterclockwise circles underfoot practice so don’t you worry). And don’t step on his face with those wet paws in the middle of that night by the way, that’s mine, ’cause then I might just have to startle the cat poop out of you with an unexpected meowl right in your left ear.

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Latest prompt at the dCats Sitting Fence website was to write of something that just struck you, in the moment, something in the stream of cat free step style, right in my Cricket wheelhouse I thought, though, as I think about it some more, that’s pretty much every prompt at dCats Sitting Fence “something that struck you right in the moment” … the occasional write about your love/hate with a stuffed mouse or about things that only the cat saw from the end of the bed or banished to the nightstand sure, or bouncing plastic bell balls but, no, mostly that immediate stream of cat free step.

So my latest then in the Condo with an assist from my guy.

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From Beyond the Lap

The often too many friends in my head said112222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222220222222222222222222222222222222222222222’;[




    Vnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkwe know

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7 thoughts on “From Beyond the Lap”

Catty McCatterson says:

September 18, 2025

You know, what you did there Cricket, with the couple of 1’s followed by the 2’s really hit home. Such a lovely thought that you are your 1’s 2.

Powers says:

September 18, 2025

Hold on … (cough cough choke cough … spit) … sorry, someone REALLY needs to vacuum this f’in place … Wow, that space there Cricket, in the middle? I have no idea what it means. Deep.

Ms Cat says:

September 18, 2025

I love the line “Vnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkmkwe know”

Yeah, we know.

Pixie says:

September 18, 2025

How cute am I? Oh, and great cat poem.

Martin says:

September 19, 2025

Well done Cricket!! But, and I hope I’m not being insensitive here, but how do you find the litter box? I’m guessing it’s all through an overly sensitive sense of smell but well, and I know me, the whole house knows me, I have issues there, I hear the screams, “Dammit Martin!”, is it ever too overwhelming?

Stock Image

September 19, 2025

I know it’s a pretty bad name though AI finds it cool but doesn’t understand what it is that you wrote. I think you may have broken it.

Tish

September 19, 2025

You know Cricket I was breaking this down and at first I thought this just might be nonsense but then I looked further and? It is still nonsense, cat nonsense. Nicely done. Though who is MKM or KMK? I have a catcast, “Tish Cat, Dishes”, would love for you to join in and talk to us about it!

Who The Fuck Is Tia?!

by Stephen J Frankenberry9 Comments on Who The Fuck Is Tia?!

Example that I am old and often out of touch and just can’t keep up with the kids these days #356.

Email from a sales person from later in the day yesterday that I didn’t see until I first got in this morning asking if I could update one of her clients spots taking out the mention of a “Grand Opening” as the event had already happened.

“Can you cut that part out so I can resend to him tomorrow?” she wrote.

She ended the email with “TIA!”

First thought? Who the fuck is Tia?! Should I know her? Is she nice?

Second thought? Oh, goddammit, what does this one stand for now? I racked my brain, “Till I Am” or “Tomorrow Is Afoot”, “Today Is Ass” but got nothin’, well at least nothin’ useful (my brain can be quite small in the mornings).

Third thought? Is this some sort of a thank you maybe, like a ‘grazie’ or a ‘danke’ or a ‘merci’ that I am unaware of? Not worldly enough am I?

Next thought (I’m tired of counting now – three is generally my limit) Jesus, is this a NEW acronym?! … SIGH. I think I mentioned up top me being old and unable to keep up, especially in this apparently fast moving acronymed time that we live in right?

So, I asked my production boss, Randy, almost equally as old as I am but a little more hip to this sort of thing. He laughed a little laugh and said he knows what that one means.

“Well?!” I said

“Thanks In Advance”

Final thought? “Thanks in advance”?!?! Who the hell says “Thanks in advance?!” NOBODY!! NOT A SOUL!!! (well except for at least one it seems). That’s why my, albeit small in the morning brain couldn’t figure it out.

So, ground rules then people, alright? Your acronyms of expressions or sayings or whatever’s, your OMG’s or BTW’s or IDK’s or KMFDM’s or IMO’s or LOL’s (those that at least come explained with emoji’s) can ONLY be of stuff people actually say, on a regular basis in the regular world by regular folks Ok?

Just wanna BOP or SOP (Be On Page or Stay On Page – Bam!! Take that M’fers!!)

There’s plenty enough stuff out there to make me feel old and out of touch as it is, I don’t need you throwing me curveballs that aren’t my fault I couldn’t hit (fucking Bugs Bunny shit).

Of Radio Engineers, Cat Crunchy Paper & Possible Spaceships

by Stephen J FrankenberryLeave a Comment on Of Radio Engineers, Cat Crunchy Paper & Possible Spaceships

Downstairs at the station earlier this week was a recent package for Tom, one of our radio engineer guys, possibly the tallest radio engineer guy on the East Coast which means absolutely nothing here, he’s just pretty tall, thought I’d mention it.

It was a big box, with lots of smaller boxes of surely important and expensive radio equipment stuff, smaller boxes of radio thingy’s and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize in an engineer way that would eventually be replacements for old thingy’s and whatchamacallits or be completely new additions, or maybe even be part of the controls on the bridge of a spaceship Tom was building on the station’s dime on the down low to get him the hell out of here, but conduits to buttons that I would probably at some point push (or not push – depending on the yellow post-its with pointed arrows that say “Frankenberry Don’t Push This”).

Noted I thought, but I just used the word “eventually” earlier as to installation of all this so I was good for the moment to not concern myself with personal yellow post-it notes just yet, but notice instead the more important aspect of what was also in this big box, with the lots of smaller boxes of surely important radio equipment stuff, the smaller boxes of thingy’s, and whatchamacallits that Tom would recognize and come with soon post-it warnings for me (though I might try to stow away on his spaceship to get the hell out of here as well – hopefully he brings post-its, I mean, it’s a spaceship … waaaay more important to note buttons I shouldn’t push out there … in space … ya know, where spaceships go … wouldn’t want to accidentally send us hurtling into a sun or something because that particular “send you hurtling into a sun” button didn’t have a simple post-it note telling me NOT to push it).

But also in the big box? Brown packing paper, lots of brown packing paper, or more famously, for me and my Bella, “crunchy paper”.

I was excited! Crazy cat lady guy excited! (been a while since I had refreshed the crunchy paper, the old paper rolled around on and slept on scratched on and cat puked on and cat toy played on so much by my little Bella that it was now nothing more than cloth soft paper tatters).

I asked Tom if he thought he might need any of this “crunchy paper” for possible returns and if not, could I have it … for my cat.

He looked quizzically, annoyedly and in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kind of way, the way he often does when looking at me (he probably being the one most understandably responsible for those yellow post-it notes in the first place) and said “Sure?” hoping I would just leave his office as quickly as possible.

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I thanked Tom earlier today for my Bella, told him Bella said I must, and even showed him pictures, like any crazy cat lady guy worth their catnip would, that he feigned interest in like a real trooper instead of just looking at me again quizzically, again annoyedly and again in his usual “why are you bothering me Frankenberry?” kind of way and said “You’re welcome?” hoping, once more, that I would just leave his office as quickly as possible (got a spaceship to work on here Frankenberry!! And don’t you dare try to stowaway, don’t know if post-its stick so well in space!).

Well how about that Bella?! A possible space adventure and new crunchy paper!!

Tom says “You’re welcome” by the way.

“Crunch Crunch Crunch”