The Portal in the Dryer at Hammond’s Laundry and Juice Bar (part one) (flash fiction)

A little while ago I discovered a community of writers at an online spot, dVerse poets and, courtesy of them, have been inspired to write some pretty good stuff over this time through prompts offered, numerous ones, on a weekly basis. Thank you by the way.

Anyway, one of the folks met there is Melissa, who offers some fun flash fiction prompts, with pictures for inspiration. Well …

Melissa’s latest Fandango Flash Fiction prompt, #287, explained here in this link, was to write something to this picture

So to a little fun then …

“There you are Jenn, I’ve been looking all over for you!! You’re NOT going to believe this!!”

“A puppy followed you home and you’re going to adopt her and name her Buttons and everything’s finally gonna be Ok?”

“What? No! And where the hell did that come from? It’s also oddly specific”

“Nothing. Wait, let me guess, hold on, racking my brain, you uh … you umm … just a total out of the blue here, but you found a portal, an interdimensional portal maybe, or a time travel portal or a more run of the mill portal that’ll take you to distant galaxies?”

“Whoa, how did you know I was going to say … hey, wait a minute, you’re being sarcastic and mocking me aren’t you?”

“Yah think?”

“But this one is real Jenn, I swear.”

“You mean like that last one, in that alley, in a dumpster. You know I still smell of piss and decaying food and I think of something that crawled in there to just give up on life and die right?”

“That was just bad intel”

“Jesus, Ralph, bad intel?!! Who the fuck from? Some sort of deepthroat special operative from a top secret government organization? Or just one of the other tinfoil hats you talk to on your ham radio or on the dark web in your basement with Ant? And where is Ant by the way, he’s usually right behind panting and sweating along with your latest excitement?”

“He’s at the Laundromat”

“Really, well good, about time, speaking of that whole panting and sweating thing of his …”

“He’s not doing clothes, though you’re right, we need to have a heart to nose with him on that”

“Then why is he at … Oh, wait, let me guess, he’s with a portal isn’t he?!”

“Shut up and just come with me alright? Plus, it needs to be guarded. You’re gonna be blown away!”

“But probably not portalled away right? You know, you two are lucky I’m pathetic and have no life”

“You’re lucky you have two friends … now just come along”

“(sigh) alright … and that was cold by the way”

//////////////////////////////////////////

When Ralph and Jenn got to the laundromat, Ant was indeed there and was indeed guarding the “portal” and with a handful of quarters.

“Seriously Ant? Ralph?” Jenn said “A dryer? This is your latest portal? A dryer at Hammond’s? And what’s with the quarters? You’re not telling me this thing has to be running for it to “work” are you?” 

“No, thankfully” Ant replied “but you do have to put quarters in for some reason for anything to actually portal”

“What, some other worldly being needs us to pay a toll to transport us to wherever?”

Ralph stepped in “Hey, will you take this seriously Jenn, please? It’s real this …”

“Take it seriously?! Dude it’s a fucking dryer in a laundromat!”

“Show her Ant?”

“Show me what!?” said Jenn loudly and losing her patience.

“Grab me a magazine off the table over there Ralph”

“Which one?”

“Really, did you just ask me that?”

“Ok, right, sorry, months old copies of Sports Unillustrated or Harper’s Bizarre or Nun’s Health or Neapolitan … don’t really matter which one I guess”

Nun’s Health?”

“What, they don’t work out or worry about health and nutrition? I don’t know man, and hell, I didn’t even realize there were such things as knock-off magazines”

“Ok, well make it that one then, they’re always going on about reaching the heavens anyway”

Jenn was standing, impatiently, arms folded “Just waiting here fellas …”

Ant put a couple of quarters in and layed the copy of Nun’s Health inside the dryer … and waited

Jenn “Well?”

“Give it a sec” said Ant

Then there was the slightest sound, but strangely distinct, like they could hear a tuned pin drop in the middle of a crowded street or even, in this case, a noisy machined laundromat and there was an even slighter light, just a pinpoint, that flashed in front of and stunned and momentarily blinded all of them … then the Nuns were gone and all their knock-off mag healthy intentions.

“Awww shit!! What the hell was that?!” said Jenn jumping back suddenly and rubbing her eyes

Ant and Ralph both said at the same time, after getting their focus back “Look”

That’s when Jenn noticed the magazine was gone.

“Ok!! Where is it?! Which one of you numbnuts just grabbed it and tossed it in a corner or something while that sound and light fucked with me!!?”

“Neither of us Jenn … grab another magazine Ralph”

A couple of quarters, an almost imperceptible but very evident sound and light again and the Harper’s Bizarre and Neapolitan magazines were gone

“Hey!? I wanted to read that Neapolitan one!! The article about which one are you dating, vanilla, chocolate or strawberry sounded interesting”

“Shut up Ralph … there, ya see Jenn we weren’t kidding”

The three of them, after getting another roll of quarters and throwing in anything that was handy that all also disappeared, just stood there in silence, dumbfounded, staring at each other afraid to say what was next but was definitely what they were all thinking.

Then Jenn finally said “So which one of us gets in?”

Ant “Noooo, writer guy, that is definitely NOT what we were thinking!”

Ralph “Yeah writer guy, what he said!”

“Bullshit!” said Jenn

After another bit of silence Ant broke in “No, you’re right, you and writer dude, that’s EXACTLY what we were thinking”

Ralph “Yeah, what Ant said again, EXACTLY what we were thinking”

More silence

“Shit!” exclaimed Jenn, “Alright, it’s gonna have to be me”

“Why?!” Ant and Ralph chimed in together

“Because Ralph, you need to be out here in case I disappear, so you can, I don’t know, figure stuff out with that oversized egghead of yours, maybe contact all your weirdo pals to help possibly find me and Ant, well, sorry, but you need to do so some jogging and maybe eat a salad or two, hit a gym, something, you’re just not gonna fit”

“Damn, that’s cold Jenn … true, but still cold”

“It is what it is … and here I was the non-believer” Jenn said shaking her head and climbing into some sort of dryer portal at Hammonds Laundry & Juice Bar with no idea where the fuck this thing might be taking her

“Wait!” said Ralph “should we get you a sandwich or something, a power drink, or maybe a juice or a smoothie? Or even a towel? I mean we’re right here at a Juice bar AND laundromat and that towel thing sounds familiar, I mean you never …”

“Shut up Ralph!!” Jenn said as she slowly sat her way into the dryer, “you got the quarters Ant?”

He, nodded nervously “You sure about this Jenn?”

“Just do it Ant, but a few more quarters this time, quite a few, just in case”

Then there was that lightest but distinct sound again and that lightest but still bright pinpoint of light temporarily blinding them again and when their vision returned they looked in the dryer … Jenn wasn’t there, just one of her sneakers.  

“Oh Shit!” cried Ant

“Oh Shit Shit!” cried Ralph

“Oh Shit Shit Shit! And she’s got just one sneaker now!!” cried Ralph some more “and she doesn’t even know what to expect, and now with just one shoe … and she really should have let us get her a sandwich, at least some chips or one of these Hammond’s smoothies”

Ant added “but look on the bright side, they surely have to have some sort of footwear wherever she went, right? and when she does get there at least she’ll have some reading material waiting for her, in case there’s some down time”

Ralph “good point, though she really should have waited so I could have grabbed her a …”

Ant cut him off “… don’t mention the sandwich again Ralph, please, just don’t mention the fucking sandwich”

“Sorry”

“Ok, now we gotta see if we can find her, start getting ready to round up the gang” Ant told him

“Gotcha” said Ralph “though, I’m a bit hungry now, think we can …”

Cold stare

“Ok, never mind. Maybe we start sending things through to contact her with like one of my ham radios, or wait, man I’m dumb, what if we just call her cell phone?’

“oh sure, like if she’s in some screwy interdimentional space she’s gonna have cell service? And you mean like this one? That she took out her pocket before climbing in?” Ant pointed to a folding table and Jenn’s phone.

“Shit, we’re gonna need some new resources Ant” Ralph said “and a lot more quarters”

Possible Sniffers (flash fiction)

A new flash fiction prompt from Melissa, to write something from this pic.

“Mom, stop, we’ve talked about this, it’s a different day. Artie and I have told you, plus you know I can’t, I have messed up insides, we just can’t, just deal with Chrissy and Semblance (of a cat) and Penelope.

Now are you good?

Ok, I’ll check in with you every five minutes … just kiddng … every ten.

Well, we’re off, I’ll bring you back some seashells and sand glass”

Dad was a prick.

There was a time where Mom and Dad were good, for like 5 minutes, I remember them actually, specifically, each one, tick tock, he kissed her on her forehead and seemed genuine on this forehead just before he had made breakfast and wished us well at the bus stop, where we dreamed he might even start his fancy car in eventual winter and let us sit, but … tick tock …

Mom loved him with all her heart, she didn’t know anyone or anything else other than him and he knew that in his running around.

“Mom, relax they are cats, now here are the things you can and cannot do with cats …”

I had a list.

Jesus, is that what I have come about? Explaining to my mother the taking care of cats and making lists?

I met Artie just out of college, he was the boss guy’s son at my new possible gig’s small box store but dreaming bigger. Maybe a spot where my new degree would matter and give me an in but …

“Oh hey, Marcie, where are those shoes you were wearing?”

“Oh hey, Marcie, where is that blouse from Tuesday’s interview, with the low flowers?”

“Oh hey, Marcie, we’re going out for drinks after work“

Then Mom said, for the war effort, they have good sniffers, cats, might find bombs, don’t tell your tell your Dad though and I got them, your “kids” by the way, especially Semblance (I love her) they’ll be fine. We just have a thing on Tuesday … Semblance and I, don’t worry.

Oh, and fuck him, he doesn’t like cats and how much does lyme cost these days by the way?

Oranges and Halter Tops (flash fiction)

So I have this new friend who posted an idea for some flash fiction, with a picture to base it on.

“Do you see anyone?”

“What?”

“Do you see … dude, never mind. You are just fucking dim”

“No, I don’t see anyone and yes, I see that too and no I’m not dim, sometimes I just choose not to hear you”

“But this …  I mean, there is someone here right?”

This was OUR spot, Jaimie and me. It was our escape from Mom’s and Dad’s and teachers (though it was summer so we didn’t have to concern ourselves with them at the moment) and Bart’s and his pal’s mean spirits and priests and neighbors and even delivery guys who would just show up.

Mom really needs to stop ordering stuff she doesn’t need or even remember she ordered in high heels.

This was our escape to talk about baseball and girls and how we hated everyone.

“Well, this a curious conundrum”

“Seriously?”

“What? It’s a cool word”

“Do you even know what it means?”

“Kinda, I just used it right? Though it confuses me”

“Shut up dude, let’s look around”

“For what?”

“Jesus, for whoever left this here asshole”

Jamie and I had been friends since we were two or so when our Mom’s met by chance and gloried on the “joys” of momdom. They weren’t serious.

“Can you at least look with me? I mean no one just leaves their shit lying around like this”

“Why do you care?”

I gave him a stare.

“Ok fine, let’s look, plus there is bra looking thing, maybe she’s topless”

I gave him another stare.

/////

The next day the news and the cops were all over our little place in the sun and sand, and we knew we had lost our one refuge and maybe even a new friend.

Camel of Earth (a Y and P story)

And in response to a Flash Fiction prompt from Melissa. Now the prompt said to write something to/about a picture she posted, this one a closeup of a camel.

//////////////////////////////////////////

(after an accidental crash landing)

Oh sure, just make a left at the red planet you said, the blue one looks nice you said, what could possibly go wrong you said.

Hey, stop giving me shit, the blue one did look really nice and you were on board with making that left.

Yeah whatever, fine, I was on board but that really is only because I’m not the pilot here, plus you threatened to throw me out into space … and now I have sand in my boots!!!

Ok, my bad there, apologies, just a little overreaction to your objections. I don’t take “no’s” very well. You see it all stems back to …

Stop right there.

What?

I don’t want to hear about your multiple mothers and that talking collection of intelligent plants again Y.

Why do you keep calling me Y by the way? It’s not very proper in my culture to shorten …

Because your name is like 30 fucking letters and symbols long (some of which YOU don’t even know) and swells my tongue just trying to pronounce half of them.

You know, I’m hearing some frustration there Paartax my friend, some pent up emotions. You know when I was younger …

Dammit man! Stop with the life references already will ya?! And friend?! You kidnapped me Y, remember? From my very not quite comfy existence on Gallimade where I had a job I didn’t hate too much and a girlfriend I also didn’t hate too much, though she despised me, and two cute little furries and I don’t even know why.

Why what?

Why you kidnapped me.

For research purposes.

Really? Well unless your research somehow involves more than just you and I flitting about the universe all willy nilly and you telling me your back story then I don’t know what this is. It doesn’t seem very “researchy” to me.

You want the truth Paartax, “P” – see, I can do that too!

Whatever, I’m fine, but sure, as long as it doesn’t involve anything about that weird cultish sounding upbringing of yours, or how you grew up like an outcast with no friends or that time you fought a great Maralopin and lost your left arm or …

The mechanical one works just as well thank you, a little better actually, something of an upgrade, but you remember that story?

Well, you ARE missing your left arm and sometimes plop that mechanical monstrosity in my lap ‘cause you think it’s funny so …

It is funny.

Ok fine, it’s funny.

See, we’re bonding.

Shut up.

I kidnapped you P because I was lonely (with a tear falling on his mechanical left arm – Oh shit, that could cause some rusting – wipe wipe wipe). Is that what you wanted to hear? Me being vulnerable?

Ok, you can quit the drama now but … damn.

Hey, we’ve had some fun right? That time on Laxia? Where we met those cool Laxians?

They were trying to kill us Y.

Or what about Galarria? That was nice.

Also tried to kill us.

Qadiss?

Tried to kill us.

Beloga?

Tried to kill us, and threatened to butter and cook and eat us afterwards in some sort of ritual festival.

Remlar?

Tried to kill us.

Ok, there were a lot of bad first impressions but you and I are here now and together. Wait?! What about that small planet in the Nemu system, the one with the … the uhh … the really forgettable people, which one was that?

I don’t remember. Began with a T or a D something?

Yeah, that one … maybe. Those folks didn’t try to kill us.

No, no you’re right. They wanted to take us TO and not BE lunch during the week and play board games and join book clubs and make guacamole dip for weekend get togethers around a pool in someone’s backyard, show us around their capital city and just talk, talk, nonstop talk.

Well, that was a good one right? Again, didn’t try to kill us right?

Remember how incredibly boring they were?

Kinda.

Kinda?

Well, they were boring, so kinda.

So boring we wanted to kill ourselves?

Ahh, son of a bitch.

I know, washes out to the same end as all the others huh?

Dammit … but you said you weren’t really all that happy.

No I didn’t.

Yes you did. Do you want me to have this guy writing this story copy and paste what you said about your job and that girlfriend up top right here?

No, leave it. Alright, I wasn’t very happy, though I do miss my little furs …

And this has been a pretty good adventure so far?

Well, yeah, just minus everyone we meet wanting to kill us or making us want to kill ourselves, but this new one might be a bit tough to wriggle out of.

How so?

We’re stranded in some sort of dessert Y, not really all that blue is this? It’s pretty dry, and yellow and really fucking hot!

Relax, we just need to fix and fill the unconventional matter converter and we will be on our way. Oh, look, a local. Let’s say Hi!

Oh, here we go again.

Hello big fella, that is quite the wiry coat you are wearing …

Oh dammit Y, this thing just spit on me!!

Well, that’s better than trying to kill us and or eat us or bore us to death right?

Sigh, sure … hello big fella … ahh really?! He just spit on me again Y!!

Wait, check out the back end! Some unconventional matter! We may be in luck!