Got a Facebook messenger note from a cousin of mine earlier in the week, a ‘cross the pond one, Libby, one with an English accent, you know, the accent where no matter what they say it just sounds cool and fetching and with those endearing English idioms too, the accent that could tell you to fuck off and die and you would ask how far and how dead with a smile and even grab a friend and ask her to repeat it just so this friend could hear it.
“How are you doing?” Libby said in her Facebook Messenger English accent “I hope you’ve got something productive to do on Saturday! Xx”
(Oh, them snarky Brits) To which I replied “Yeppers, productive something to do indeed!!” in my shitty, bland, boring, non-descript Facebook Messenger American accent (though, at least, in my case, not one with a box of rocks twang) “Gots my jackboots shined, gots my flag a wavin’ on the porch and the lawn and flyin’ in the bed of my truck and I am going to pledge a loyalty oath to Great Leader! What a grand day it promises to be!! Maybe Great Leader will even get his wish and some protesters will be shot somewhere in this big, beautiful land!! Glorious times these are!!”
Ah the big, beautiful parade day, where he appropriates a birthday actually worth celebrating in his own narcissistic and despotic wishing fake medal adorned baby general chest dream drum beat kinda way or No Kings Day, a one of protests to remind of that whole escaping Kings thing that started all of this in the first place, though some of that particular history might just be fading, Marty McFly-like, as we speak, especially if those treasonous Heritage Foundation peoples have anything to say/rewrite about it.
Oh, and don’t be black if those Heritage’s have the pen by the way, it will be like you never even existed.
Now I had thought to do something special for Great Leader, maybe send him a postcard with a rah rah poem and words that rhymed and everything that could be turned into song that J6 patriots could sing outside of jail in their pardons, get him a house plant maybe, welcome and congratulate him on his new dictator digs or even a cake, a red white and blue one, of course, baked by indignant straight folks.
But I figured then to, instead, revisit a couple of parody tunes of mine from a number of years ago, back in the first knuckle drag age that actually had “King” in the title, a couple of love letters from the past if you will.
It is interesting at least to hear where things were and my song endeavors from 4 and 5 years ago and how shit hasn’t really changed, it’s just been updated and become more direct … more extreme.
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(to Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al”)
March 7, 2020
You Can Call Me King
A man lies as he breathes
He says why would you trust another now
Who can you possibly trust
Now I’ve shown you what my facts is
A fascist truth sledgehammer
Nuthin’ else believe-able matters
Other than this con in this con man’s swamptown
(and a-oooh ah-oooh)
Lap dogs in orange swamplight
Here’s a lie-ball GOP go fetch excuses
Newsman, newsman
Get these facts away from me, ya know,
No one finds real truth interesting anymore
If you’ll loyalty me blind
I can be your despot chum
I can call you subject
And subject you adore me
You can call me Czar
This man original Trumper says
There can never be a never me
If there’s a never me they’ll never be
Happy in a sea of me
Where will the answers come from
If I don’t truly be-lieve
Who will I turn to when
The truth slaps me
Awake and awake
To the harsh realities
Of Moscow Mitch’s word marble hypocriteness
Hammers and sickles
Getting stocked up in the open
Along with some of the finest cossack hats
If you’ll loyalty me blind
I’ll let you kneel and kiss my ring
I can call you subject
And subject you adore me
You can call me King
You can call me King
(break)
A man late night he’s tweeting
How he’s a victim in this world
Maybe it’s a big blue meanie world
Where they’re just out to get him
And they don’t see his genius
Or see how great he his
The greatest all narcissists
Surrounding himself with nothing more than
Clowns clowns
Who dance for him like marionettes
In a tiny orange circus
He checks the mirror again
Sees Messiah staring back at him
At least that’s what the hacks say
And he so believes them
If you’ll loyalty me blind
I can be your despot chum
I can call you subject
And subject you adore me
You can call me Don
Na-na-na-na-na
Just call me king-na-na
You can kiss my ring na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Loyalties the thing na-na
Better never sing na-na
I’ll take your everything na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
Better give up mind now
Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
You’ll be just fine now
Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
Just a matter of time now
Ummmm ah-ah
Ummmm ah-ah
Democracy dies now
If you’ll loyalty me blind
I’ll let you kneel and kiss my ring
I can call you subject
And subject you adore me
You can call me King
//////////////////////////////////////////
(to Green Day’s “Troublemaker”)
November 20, 2021
Kingmaker
Kingmaker
Yeah!
Woo hoo hoo
—
Hey!
Democracy’s under attack
Right in plain sight a lockstep right
Work their authoritarian plight
—
Hey!
They wanna control the states
So next time vote around they’ll mess ‘bove ground
Mold sham results for self-serving tastes
—
They wanna be some new Kingmakers
Autocracy’s G-O-P takers
They wanna be some new Kingmakers
Great leader’s cult first of new shakers
—
Hey!
We like your lie moxie cool
Obstructive whitewash of what was true
It’s quite impressive in its attempt at coup
—
Hey!
His Rally’s his palace days
He’s sounding loaded, old lie bloated
In his propagandist playbook word salad way
—
They wanna be some new Kingmakers
Autocracy’s G-O-P takers
They wanna be some new Kingmakers
Great leader’s cult first of new shakers
—
Hey!
Woooh oooh oooh
Woooh oooh oooh
Woooh oooh oooh
Yeah!
—
They saw election pass with result a bad state
So pass suppression laws before it’s too late
Present these measures in a group all for one haste
Integrity’s at stake the big lie is the play that they make
—
Hey!
Democracy’s under attack
Right in plain sight a lockstep right
Work their authoritarian plight
—
Hey!
They do their do
Hey!
A lie’s whose who
Hey!
Who know the screw
Hey!
A fascist stew
Hey!
//////////////////////////////////////////
And just to let ya know I am still working my tune angle, it’s not just these of old. Not a one of King in title here but a one of what Kings would like.
To “Hit The Road Jack” then.
(March 22, 2025)
Hit the Road Facts
Hit the road facts and don’t ya check back no more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road facts and don’t ya come back no more
.
Wha’d Zuck say?
.
Hit the road facts, time to show you the door, the door, the door, the door
Hit the road facts we, don’t need ya round here no more
.
Ol’ Zucky, Ol’ Zucky don’t treat facts so mean
You’re a coward t’wards the truth like we’ve never seen
If you say facts must go, we’ll prioritize speech ya know
.
What’s that?
.
Hit the road facts, with a barker in tails magaphone and black magic rabbit hat
Hit the road facts and don’t ya Zuck ‘round no more
.
Wha’d right saaaay?!!
.
Hit the road facts, true lies’ll have a brand new day and say and sway the way
Hit the road facts and don’t ya come back no more
.
Now baby listen baby this is newest Reich way
Won’t be stifled by the left who hold lies at bay
Don’t care if they do ‘cause we know the real truth
It’s what we decide, don’t need no sleuth
instead in this brand new age, we’ll paint facts just as we say
.
That’s right!
.
Hit the road facts, and now it’s your time to act, to act, to act, to act
Hit the road facts and throw some money in that hat
.
Wha’d you saaaay!!??
.
Hit the road facts, we’ve reached a new judgment day, this day, no other way
Hit the road facts, ya best get new truths all straight
.
Hit the road facts, and don’t ya check back no more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road facts and don’t ya come back no more
.
Now Donnie ol’ Donnie and executive O’s
He’ll decree a new future with his MAGA in throes
He’ll rename Gulf’s of Mexico
With a straight face ain’t that beautiful Oh!
.
Hit the road facts, the truth’ll no longer know where’s it’s at, where it’s at, where it’s at
Hit the road facts and don’t bother tippin’ your cap
.
Hit the road facts, an Autocrat’ll tell ya his truth, his truth, his truth, his truth
Hit the road facts, cause democracy he wants lose
.
Now baby baby baby there’s a billionaire class
Who trip over themselves to lipstick his ass
They even paid for the right to grovel new Reich
Hoping keep good his side not dogs he might strike
‘Cause that’s just the new way
Truth’ll have a forced holiday
.
That’s right!
.
Hit the road facts and got’s keep this all straight, all straight, all straight, all straight
Hit the road facts while he makes liberty quake
.
Hit the road facts and don’t ya check back no more, no more, no more, no more
Hit the road facts and don’t ya come back no more
.
And don’t ya free speech our door
No Constitution no more
And right’s be white for sure
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