Quite simply, March has been a dick, the Ides of Dick, a fiddlefuckstick of a month that just seems to want to linger well beyond its 31 day confine and this is on the heels of February being equally dickish and January as well.
Yeah, this whole year so far has been such a dickturn that I’m not even sure any longer what ISN’T in the realm of dick.
I’ve even considered awkwardly wearing ill-fitting suit jackets and one size too small belly pop T-Shirts and comical billboard ballcaps with dumbass slogans like I am totally new to hats, even truckers are admonishing me for making them look bad, and I might also consider just firing a bunch more people just to get a little joy out of life and maybe even break out a golden chainsaw again for dramatic effect because who are they anyway? They’re no longer the populous I appeal to, they served their bought purpose and they ain’t me so I don’t care, plus they’re affording me ample opportunity to rob them even more blind (don’t tell me I can’t get blood from a stone) and be even more in dick mode.
Well, I’m not gonna let March bleed into April even if April promises to be more of the same, tens of thousands more people forced out of work for specious reason and with no real receipts to justify, legal folks getting “disappeared” in broad daylight by masked, unrecognized, unannounced gestapo (MTG’s favorite gazpacho secret police force soup she eats with a fork while never understanding why it’ so difficult to eat soup with a fork) with no explanation other than they’ve suddenly been proven to not be fans of genocide (I mean what’s that all about? Like suddenly that’s a “thing”?
They ain’t us right, and they are somewhere else so what’s the matter? (we just have to have more kids to fill the global void and plan a vacation) more acquiescence by every bigwig and news organization imaginable, more unaffordable trips to the grocery store or the doctor (will be more attempts at that real soon, making up science’ll do that, it’ll most probably be a rush) or even the car dealership, like any of us could afford such a trip anyway, maybe pass new laws allowing kids to work overnights during the school week hoping they just drop out and become faceless, lifeless worker bees for the greater good. Even continue to re-write history in a more white way and maybe make voting down the road more dickly as well and … blah blah blah the litany of ills that want to blah blah blah us to death like a blah blah blah cudgel (too much shit intentionally blah blah blahed at us all at once).
Oh, and re-name the Lincoln Center after Andrew Johnson or William “Tariff” McKinley or something like that and plan recitals of treasonous pardoned ex-cons who can’t sing for shit.
No, I’m gonna turn the calendar page on a new month a couple of days ahead hoping that maybe starting a new month with a day of comedy and practical jokes and even funnier cosplaying in too tight shapely tops and flak jackets with pockets full of important looking flak jacket shit for photo-ops might just do the trick.
I’m just gonna start April a bit early and pull the covers back over my head and hope I wake up to a better month that is hopefully less of a dick (good luck to that I say to myself) and just turn the calendar page.
Oh, son of a bitch!
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