I don’t do selfies for obvious reason … you’ve seen me right?
“Steve, move your phone … no, move it up … you want your face in this”
“Why?”
“Ummm, ‘cause it’s a selfie? … that’s kinda the idea here, it’s in the name.”
“Why again am I taking this selfie?”
“You were thinking of a dating app, a profile pic?”
“No I wasn’t”
“Something to make your Mom happy? Ya know, show her you’re getting out there”
“But I don’t want to be “out there””
“Yes you do”
“I do?”
“Yes … (hypnotic social pressure music drone) Yes … yes … you …. do.”
“Ok well, you can turn that shit off now, it’s annoying … people do this?”
“All the time”
“Really?”
“Really”
“Take pictures of themselves?”
“Yes”
“Well that’s just weird, I have mirrors, but no, I guess you’re right, I have heard of such”
“Right? Like I said, all the time …”
“But what if my face might scare the children?”
“They’ll adjust, maybe with some therapy but they’ll adjust”
“That could be years and really expensive but ok … well how about this?”
“(sigh) Work in progress my man, work in progress … ”
“Ya know, I think I might just need a painting or a Beatles poster or something on that wall behind me”
“(sigh twice)”
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