(The Official Secret Clubhouse of the He-Man Truth & Alfred Haters Club) Ben: Are you alright sir? Donnie: (trying to hide wiping his eyes) … what? … yes, of course … shit Ben! Why are you still here? Ben: I’m kind of like your Alfred sir. Donnie: Alfred? Ben: Alfred. Donnie: Alfred? Ben: Batman? His… Continue reading

(The Official Secret Clubhouse of the He-Man Truth & Singing Doorbell Haters Club) Donnie: (looking around the treehouse admiringly) … finally this place is a little more tidy. (turns) Hey Be… Jesus! (bumps into and almost steps on Ben Carson who is stoically standing directly behind him) Ben: Sir? Donnie: Dammit Ben! I hate when… Continue reading

(Official Secret Clubhouse of the He-Man Truth & Action Figure Haters Club) Token Ben Carson: Sir? Donnie: What? Ben: You really shouldn’t stand on the top step. Donnie: What? Ben: The step ladder. You really shouldn’t stand on the top step. There’s even a warning on th… Donnie: Warning? What the hell does Trump care… Continue reading

I haven’t worked a gig for Spectrum for a quite a while now (things change) but when I got the call I was all in. Not just for the obvious paycheck, but because it was the Tony’s. Why not take in the experience of celebrity that some find so fascinating? See what it is that… Continue reading

(Official Secret Clubhouse of the He-Man Truth & Cuddly Cat Haters Club) Scott Pruitt: Jesus, this place is awful Ben Carson: Why, what’s wrong with it? Scott: It’s dusty, there’s leaves and dirt all over the floor, doesn’t anyone wipe their feet?…it’s just so….treehousey…so common. Shit, I need a wipe. And is this lead paint?… Continue reading

(The Official Secret Clubhouse of the He-Man Truth & Gavel Haters Club) Donnie: Alright, this meeting of the He-Man Truth Haters Club will now be ordered. Jeff, bang your gravel. Jeff (Sessions): It’s gavel. Donnie: What? Jeff: It’s gavel, not gravel. Donnie: That’s what I said. Jeff: No, you said gravel, small stones, what you… Continue reading

(The Official Secret Clubhouse of the He-Man Truth Haters Club) Jeff: (practically breathless) Donnie, open up, it’s me Jeff. . Donnie: Jeff who? . Jeff: Sessions. Your AG? . Donnie: You wearing those little monogrammed jackboots of yours? . Jeff: Not today. . Donnie: Damn, and they’re so cute. You sound out of breath. What’s… Continue reading

          Did you ever wake up and just know it, ya know? Just know that you’re special, and not the special that your Mom still tells you you’ll grow up to be someday, but special, unique, maybe even magic? I woke up feeling that way this morning, and not because my… Continue reading

First let me say that the next time I drive any further than the mailbox (a proud lazy) on the last Saturday before Christmas will be the last and if, for some reason, I do venture out on this accursed day in the future and you see me on the road I want you to… Continue reading

I’ve watched the first two episodes of the new Fall show ‘Kevin Probably Saves The World’ starring John Ritter’s son, Jason, who is eerily similar to his dad in so many ways. That’s a good thing by the way. Kevin, formerly, painfully self immersed, selfish and ‘not a good person’ as he confesses in episode… Continue reading