Frankenberry's Attic

(after seeing a “picture” proof)

“Holy shit!! The Islamic Republic of Japan have what?!! They’ve literally just come into existence and, again, they have what?!?! Oh, and just come into existence because of ME by the way, this Islamic Republic of Japan, something I’ll get no credit for like so many other things. People tell me all the time “You know Sir, there’s so many other things you deserve credit for but don’t get, like the steam engine, the Bible, tall back wicker chairs, squeezy stress balls, toast, the term “DUM-OCRAT …”

… uhh sir? but you do get credit for that one …

… I do? which one, the Bible? …

… no, you just sell your own branded version and some folks think you’re the messiah …

…. well that’s smart of them, I look great in backlit golden halos. the steam engine? …

... no, the term DUM-OCRAT …

… really? …

… yes …

… from who? certainly not the lamestream media …

… no, actually you get credit on that one from yourself …

… from me? …

… yes, quite proud credit as a matter of fact …

… well hell, I’m a smart me then and I SHOULD be proud of that one ‘cause it’s genius and I don’t talk about my genius very often …

… no, no you don’t sir …

… humble, I’m very humble …

… oh, without a doubt, very humble, you’re always going on and on and on about how humble you are …

… I know, sometimes I don’t know how I hold it in, how I can be strong enough to contain talking about myself and all that I accomplish simply by being Trump that no one’ll recognize …

… such a shame sir …

… all the illnesses I’ve cured at my rallies like I’m laying on of hands just with my voice, the lame suddenly standing when they couldn’t before, a lot recently even before I’m finished healing them …

… like they had just been sitting …

… yes! the absolute ease with which I can handle complex math and create fantastically large numbers and bring them to life, like magic …

… like they’re just too good to be real …

… exactly! the hundreds of wars I’ve ended or stopped from starting …

… amazing sir, almost as if we weren’t even aware of any of them …

… I know! never play poker with me son, I have to keep things real close to the vest as president, national security concerns an’ all ya know …

… I’ll make a note of that sir …

… you should, but with DUM-OCRAT? I really had to toot my own horn a little on that one and explain because I don’t think anyone but me could have come up with it, no one’s smart enough …

… I’m sure I’ve heard it already many times but tell me again how, it’s fascinating the breakdown …

… Ok, so you take the “E” out, you don’t use the “B”, a lot of people don’t know ‘dumb’ has a “B” in it actually, you don’t need it, you discard the “B”, but you take the “E” out and you replace it with a “U”, they’re dumb, they are dumocrats …

… brilliant sir, absolute genius just like you said …

… I know …

… and you were right …

… again? about what? …

… I didn’t know dumb had a “B” in it, always learning something new with you …

… you see, some things are just me, some things just need me. But other than that, it’s alright, I don’t care about the credit, but this Islamic Republic of Japan is brand new AND they already have enough of a weapons stockpile to fire 111 missiles and NOW they have King Kong?!?! WTF?!?!”

(umm, sir, that’s the giant ape … ohhhhh)

… and now they have Mothra?!?! WTF?!?!”

(no sir, giant moth … you sure? … yes, really big wings … ohhhhh)

… and now they have a Transformer?!?!”

(no again sir, giant toy from really shitty movies … seriously, a toy? not real? … no sir, not real)

… and now they have a really big dog?”

(that’s clifford sir and he’s red)

… really big Ox?”

(babe … paul bunyan … he’s blue)

… Crocodile?

(tick-tock … peter pan … ok, fuck, just give me a hint will ya? … Godzilla sir … ohhhhh, riiiiiight)

… and now they have Godzilla?!?! WTF?!?!”

Everyone gasps!!

(well done sir)