Was looking at my blog stats this weekend and apparently I’m really big (relatively so) in China right now. I say relatively so because my blog is not really one that sees a ton of traffic, steady traffic, some new traffic and regular checkin’ in with our old pal or nemesis Frankenberry traffic sure, but certainly not numbers that would be considered “big”. I will take it though for whatever the reason, I mean as long as it doesn’t involve espionage and the like, intelligence, state secrets as I’m sure I would be terrible at that and I’m not really a Chinese food guy either. They’re always eating in Chinese and Korean and Japanese and other such TV shows, including the espionagey ones as well as the romantic comedy ones, and the romantic ghosty ones and the lawyery ones and the lawyery ghosty ones and I can could just never be that hungry. I mean, I can eat but …
If I were Big In Japan though, that would be totally different because then I could be a happenin’ old tune with a cheesily overdramatic glossy faced video from 80’s synth faves Alphaville. Now that would be cool, just minus the lips. Was always curious what he had goin’ on with the lips.
But anyway, big in China right now. Thought you’d like to know.
But the reason for the post here is that I have a new co-worker, Sarah (guessing on the “h”), who has found her cubey sales assistant desk to be cattycorner to my cubey production guy desk and we have gotten to know each other a bit over the last few weeks and will soon be throwing heavy objects at each other and leaving marks like best of friends.
In the process of this getting to know, I found out her husband is a guitarist and has a band that plays out regularly, she has been able to make a nice fried zucchini dish from a surely genetically enhanced zucchini from my sister’s garden (don’t let her cute floppy hat and slow puttering fool ya, she’s a mad garden scientist doing experiments on defenseless vegetables) and Sarah and her husband have a dog and, because of this, she was right on top of bringing some dog treats in for a boss guy, Joe’s dog, Bacon. Yeah, he knows I always also have treats for him and yeah, his name is Bacon.
After being assured that she nor her husband were deeply embedded Chinese spies because I told her that I would just be no good at that sort of thing and would be a terrible mark, we asked each other of Labor Day Weekend plans. She and her husband would be doing non-Chinese spy stuff, he probably had a show to play if I remember and there would also be a concerted effort to at least have one day geared towards accomplishing absolutely nothing. I like Sarah.
As to me I told her I would be here writing this nonsense, working on some poetry and maybe listening to some music beds for inspiration for some lyric writing followed by singing them or a new parody tune which I haven’t done in a little while and which was all just a shameless way to get her to feign interest at the discovery that this and more can be found at a blog. My blog.
Look, I WILL get to 100 hundred followers dammit.
When she continued to feign interest, almost genuinely (she’s got skills this one) I told her that the “tunes” I do were mostly these parodies with a great number of them being political but that I’ve also done quite a lot that are just fun or tell a continuing story, when she made the mistake of saying she’d like to hear them sometime. So I offered to email her a link to one of the fun ones from when I lived in Poughkeepsie at my landlady Celie’s place.
I did this one 5 years ago to Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me”, then revisited it back in ’24 but I thought, after listening to it again, to revisit it another time, for maybe some new folks taking a look see here in the attic, including my friends in China (nudge nudge – listen and read between the lines then destroy your computer).
Hi I’m Frankenberry, nice to meet ya Sarah, here’s a song about cat pee.
Cheers all.
//////////////////////////////////////////
To Pee Or Not To … I Didn’t Pee (a Cujo the Cat song)
March 13, 2021
(to Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me”)
So here at House Wiltse (my latest name of this place – I’ve penned quite a few of them over the last 3+ years always imagining whichever one on a shingle hanging above the front porch) there are a couple or a few or a number of cats. That’s downstairs by the way. You are already well aware, I’m sure, of my upstairs couple or a few or a number of or a three now or a four twice or a five once or even the momentary more when I’ve made the mistake of leaving my door open while doing a load of clothes. But, like I said, there are a couple or a few or a number of cats downstairs and with that any number comes the occasional issue.
“Hey! Off the counter!”
“Hey! Don’t be swattin’!”
“Hey! I’m wearing a black sweatshirt and don’t have one those sticky rolly things!”
You just learn to roll with them and wear lighter colors.
This is small stuff though, small cat stuff you just navigate knowing that that it is part of the deal. But sometimes the “occasional issue” is one that is more than just a butt push to the floor or an admonishment to be nice or a back off from the sweatshirt you hairy hair hairy. Sometimes it’s an actual issue, like peeing where peeing shouldn’t happen. That’s what litter and its boxes are for right? Not necessarily it seems.
Celie (my landlady for those that don’t know or land-bestie as my friend Jonna likes to put it) texted me just a week or so ago that she had a song idea for me (you may have noticed I’ve been wont to a parody song or two) after one of the couple of or a few of or a number of cats downstairs decided to eschew the litter box and just go free rein, free pee rein.
Cujo.
Again.
She got the thought of the chorus of Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” in her head just with a Cujo pee tint as he surely looked at her and cat said “what?”
I decided to go with that thought and some cat pee silly.
//////////////////////////////////////////
To Pee Or Not To … I Didn’t Pee (a Cujo the cat song)
Yo, Handsome … Open up man
What do you want Cujo?
Mom just caught me
Seriously?
I don’t know how
Where?
In the shower, you know
Man
I don’t know what to do
Well, say it wasn’t you
—
Alright
—
Celie came in and she caught me red handed
Peeing on the shower floor
Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo
Who doesn’t litter box no more
How could I forget that she lived
On this very big house floor
Just right down the hall here
Till she was standing at the bathroom door
—
How could you forget that Mom’s the one who owns this villa
She’s got sixth senses that snap up on her pilla
You keep this up she’s gonna be your killa
She knows it’s you even got ya on camera
Before you were dumb and strolled off into the shower
These humans got tech to catch you any hour
Yeah that’s video your ass up on stovetop
You gotta say it wasn’t you to save you from the next stop
—
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
Heard her screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off
—
Celie came in and she caught me red handed
Peeing on the shower floor
Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo
Who doesn’t litter box no more
How could I forget that she lived
On this very big house floor
Just right down the hall here
Till she was standing at the bathroom door
—
Act like nothing happened, that it’s no big deal
Walk your Cujo walk, denial in your cool
See if you can sing another cat’s fault song
Maybe Sunny with who you don’t get along
You’re gonna be banished from house for real
You’ll be pushin’ daisies soon for just this deal
You’ll be out garage, house life won’t last
Get caught again and 9th life will pass
—
But she caught me on the counter (It wasn’t me)
Saw me peein’ on the stovetop (I didn’t pee)
Even saw me in corners (It wasn’t me)
Yeah she caught me on camera (I didn’t pee)
Saw scratches on the floorboards (It wasn’t me)
Smelled the smell that made her nose curl (I didn’t pee)
I heard the screams when she discovered (It wasn’t me)
I couldn’t stay so I took off
—
Celie came in and she caught me red handed
Peeing on the shower floor
Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo
Who doesn’t litter box no more
How could I forget that she lived
On this very big house floor
Just right down the hall here
Till she was standing at the bathroom door
—
Gonna blame some other
For the smell that I’ve caused
Gotta be some other cat who goes and pees against doors
I will tell her that maybe it’s because of the dogs
I’ll just make sure they don’t catch me
When they figure mad cause
—
Celie came in and she caught me red handed
Peeing on the shower floor
Picture this, I’m a cat named Cujo
Who doesn’t litter box no more
How could I forget that she lived
On this very big house floor
Just right down the hall here
Till she was standing at the bathroom door
—
Celie came in
She caught me red handed
It wasn’t me I do say
I didn’t pee I will say
Celie came in then
She caught me red handed
It wasn’t me
Meow
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