Frankenberry's Attic

(FOREWARD: I get a lot of Spam phone calls, calls that vary in my caller ID between numbers I don’t recognize or invented names/random businesses/places to make the call appear, I guess, legitimate and thus raising the chances that I’ll answer. Mostly I just slide straight to dismiss and be done with it but, sometimes I’ll answer to have a bit of fun with whoever it is that will eventually pick up the call to try and sell me whatever shit it is they’re selling. The fun just comes from seeing how long this person might stay on the line while my answers to questions and personal information that I add just become more and more ridiculous, especially if their scam happens to be healthcare related. Oh, the woes I suffer.  

I thought of putting down in a list all the names and businesses and places that have called me, at least recently, and going through just a month and half’s worth of calls this list has 149 entries, some more than once. For instance, “IBM” has called me around a dozen times as surely me, with my oversized egghead brain and vast knowledge of all things techie and computer-ee and IBM-ee and such-ee is on IBM’s list of potential collaborators. I mean I can find the power button with the best of them and hard re-boot shit with ease.

But I did also did think that I now, at least, have a new well of names to draw from for future stories and I thought this because one of the names that came up in these calls was Malky Fisch. Now that’s just cool freakin’ name and is definitely worthy of lead character status.

With that in mind I started something this extended weekend not only using the list for the name of Malky Fisch but also for the names of all the other characters and some places and businesses (with small adjustments there as most of them are real) that pop up along the story’s way. There’s nothing wildly inventive here as coming up with names is coming up with names, wherever the inspiration but names are still very importing and these, from the list, did direct me some, more than I thought they would especially in character and locale and it made things surprisingly easier knowing the names were already decided, I just had to figure out which ones fit my narrative and idea as it went along and maybe have some fun with them while I was at it)

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(NOTE: Malky Fisch And The Temperamental Town is a working title)

Malky Fisch had never been to Loft before, knew almost nothing about it except that it was just over the border from Pollo Rey and that it had a history of being, well, temperamental. Now “how can a town be temperamental” is probably the first thing that springs to mind and understandably so in this springing, as surely I must mean the people of Loft, or maybe the town council or the Mayor or the Police or the Women’s Axillary on Tuesday nights or even the wild though surprisingly well-mannered and articulate goats? A town itself couldn’t possibly be temperamental, now could it?

Well, it’s probably safe to say that you’ve never been to Loft or never found Loft depending on your map or Loft’s mood or your then current circumstance/reasons. Or you may have found Loft and for those very same reasons.

Malky knew some of this history from legend and whispers (sometimes screams in the distance) but also from two of his first clients, Ivonne Santos and LP Bloomberg who had hired him from off a matchbook inside cover, on the bar, above two shaking barstools at Wolmark’s Tavern and Pawn while they sat white faced with fear and mumbling almost unintelligible things and really freaking Martin out, Martin being the owner of the place. Martin was also a friend of Malky’s who had done him a favor and included him on the new matchbooks, “Your case full of Malarky, call Malky … Fisch … Fastly”, without offering his opinion of Malky’s really shitty slogan, matchbooks he had printed for the bar after he gave the place a fresh coat of paint and bought a new W O & L for his road sign that had blown off in an unexpected twister a few months ago. Plus people, regulars no less, asking where “Mark” was and dropping nonstop phrases with “Mark” in them, thinking they were funny, was really getting on his nerves.

When Malky was able to get a few straight words and responses out of Ivonne and LP he told them to hold tight, he was on his way and that’s when he would meet them for the first and second to last time (said for almost but not quite ominous effect). When he got to Wolmark’s he led them to a booth after giving a wave and shout to Martin.

“Hey Mark, thanks for the matchbooks!”

“Fuck you Malky”

Ivonne and LP stopped, taken aback

“Oh, don’t worry, he’s a friend and an asshole” he said with a wink. “Let’s sit. I’m Malky … did you all eat? I could eat ya know, been a long day, quesadillas are pretty good here, you all wanna go in on a quesadilla, some wings too, some fries? Hey, how about we just get the app plate, little of everything …”

Yvonne and LP just sat and stared sort of at Malky but also sort of through him and it was giving Malky the creeps and he really needed food to distract from these new found creepies so he asked the server, Trisha, who had just stropped at their table and who looked unhappy that Malky had sat himself at the best table in the house, one of just two with a window but the one that was the closest to the door, if they could get the app plate and Trisha said “sure, your highness” and turned right around with a dramatic huff.

“Funny that one huh? Thinks I’m some sort of royalty, and well, I just play along. So, tell me why you called you two, you didn’t really say much on the phone other than fearing for your lives, needing to find the right gravestone and then something about Loft having answers”

Still silence.

“Ok, start with why you’re afraid?”

Nothing.

“You’ve done this before right? I mean I’ll assume so, having to profess your innocence of a murder, how it couldn’t have been you because you weren’t even anywhere close to there until you realize no one told you where “there” was …”

Ivonne shrieked “Murder!?”

LP shrieked “Murder!?”

Everyone at Wolmark’s turned and whispered but wished to shriek “Murder??” while pointing at each other accusingly and Ivonne shrieked again “Murder!? No one said anything about murder!!”

“Oh good, they speak” Malky said looking at the two of them “I know no one said anything about murder though it will probably come up at some point, it always does, and don’t worry everyone” he said to the room “no murders to speak of here …” there was group sigh of disappointment “… not yet anyway and Carol, stop pointing at Mary Dean and Mary Dean stop pointing at Carol. Your cat just ran away Carol, that’s it, period and your husband just ran away too Mary Dean, and I have reason to believe that he may have taken the cat with him”

“Now Ivonne, LP what’s all this about, and try to get out as much info as you can as I think we only meet one more time after this and then you’ll probably mysteriously disappear or something”

“Oh, well that’s not disconcerting …”

“Just go” Malky said.

“We were in Loft, a couple of days before we called you and …”

“You were IN Loft?” Malky asked, cutting her off

“Well yeah, I think we may have mentioned something like that on the phone but …” Ivonne said

“You did, you did, sorry, go on”

“We were in Loft, LP and I and we were …”

“What’s LP stand for?”

“What? Why?”

“It could be important”

“How? Plus you don’t really wanna know” Ivonne continued

“Maybe, I’m just interested alright?”

That’s when LP said “Leanord Paul Provost Ok?”

“Wait, that’s 2 P’s”

LP sighed as he had done this before “My Uncle Paul murdered a guy with a pitchfork to the face while I was in college so I dropped the extra P”  

“But you just said the extra P when I asked you what LP stood for”

“I did”

Ivonne saw the look of confusion on Malky’s face “told ya you didn’t really wanna know and it’s …”

“Ok, back to it. Why were you there?” Malky asked interrupting her again

“I’m getting to that” Ivonne said with annoyance

“My bad, sorry. Continue”

“We were in Loft because we were told that’s where we needed to go to …”

“When does the part about you two looking for a grave or something come into play?”

“Can you stop interrupting me please. I’m finally able to talk here and you keep cutting me off!”

Just then Trisha was arriving with the app plate and overheard Ivonne’s frustrations.

“He’s annoying as shit isn’t he?”

“Excuse me?” Ivonne said

“Malky here. Annoying as shit isn’t he. Not letting you talk without cutting you off right?”

“Actually, yes”

“Here you go your majesty, just eat and shut up already, let the lady talk”

“Thank you” said Ivonne

“If the food doesn’t work threaten him with a fork under his chin”

“But …??”

“Just trust me” and Trisha left with another dramatic turn.   

It was then that Malky learned that Ivonne and LP had indeed made their way to Loft, actually found Loft because they were searching for something in it, for Ivonne’s father, a man Ivonne had only ever seen a few photos of and who had supposedly disappeared attending to some business in Loft not too long after Ivonne was born. They had been directed by an old man in front of Rey Pollo’s General Store because there is always at least one old man that knows things in front of a General Store, Red Linval, to go to Loft’s graveyard and search other possibilities underground as well if they were looking for answers. Then Red Linval went up in a puff of smoke and was gone. Just kidding, but it was a pretty fast conversation as he had to get to a birthday party for one of his grandkids.

They had gone to the graveyard then, at Red’s direction, and searched headstones, first of course for Ivonne’s dad, Americo Santos but, when that search came up empty, they looked for any names that might be familiar, to them or names Ivonne’s mother may have mentioned, anything to grab onto. Then there was a guy with a shovel and another with a gun and a third guy LP swore he knew from the gas station who carried nothing but kept telling the other two how to properly threaten LP and Ivonne with their shovel and gun.  

Ivonne and LP immediately thought that the third man was totally unnecessary as just the second guy with a gun was threatening enough, especially when paired with a guy with a shovel without having to add another guy to the mix just to give direction on wielding stuff menacingly but the third guy told them to “shut up their face head pie holes”, that he was indeed necessary, essential actually and also that he WASN’T the guy from the gas station, He said to just start walking while Ivonne and LP wondered if this third guy could read minds so they both started thinking of nothing but puppies and kittens which they had talked of doing in the past in case they ever ran into someone who could read minds.

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It took quite a while to acclimate himself to his surroundings but after Americo woke up and he could finally focus, he looked around and found himself in what appeared a hospital room, but none like he had ever seen or known before, this was high tech, futuristic, like something out of a sci-fi flick from any numerous movie favorites of his or his many books sprung to life and he was wired and tubed up and was starting to get a little frightened as he couldn’t really move or more to the point, he was afraid to. Then he looked out the window and saw fields, plowing fields, and plowing horses and horse and buggy horses too. He passed out.

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