I’ve had better weeks. Actually, I can remember a week back in ’95 that … shut up Steve, idiot … no, this one was a bit much. Came to the discovery that the blood pressure meds I was prescribed a couple of months ago suddenly agreed with me rather poorly, to the tune of a face the envy of an elephant man. If I had died from such Michael Jackson’s estate would have surely wanted to buy my bones. And my attempt to try and save a poor little turtle along my busy way home a couple of days later would go so sadly unwell, replete with plenty of “motherfuckers”, flailing raised arms directed at a distancing car and an angrily bouncing, sobbing guy in the middle of a busy roadway.
I responded to one of the comments at my Facebook page of the retelling of this sad turtle story that I almost reached my “snap” moment, as the pressures of these days have mounted, so close in this momentary anger to just completely losing it, madly dancing in small tight circles in the middle of this roadway, that moment where you almost just let it all go, damning the torpedoes and the wide eyed stares of those passing who have no idea.
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As Celie was pulling away, and just as BB and I were pulling up into our usual spot at the house she leaned out of the cab of her truck and, taking a look at my pandemic sweatpants, said I just needed to burn them. I made sure to clarify that she wasn’t talking literally at that very moment. I was wearing old underwear. Sorry Ma. No car wrecks on the way home at least, if it makes ya feel any better.
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My sister, Beck, texted me not too long ago to ask what I thought of Mom continuing to stay with her and the boys and the fur up Albany way instead of heading off to an assisted living place in Carmel. I about broke out in tears. Actually I did, closed the door to my little studio and sat in a puddle. I could never have asked such a thing as she is the one shouldering the care of my Ma who is slipping some. But this slipping has been, not halted but at least greatly slowed since she moved in there. The interaction, the stimulus so much different and so much necessary from the living by herself in that little place at my Aunt Lib’s. My mom should never be one for solitude, she’s so much more than that, has so much more to offer and is such great company even within a decline. And she has a Razzy. I swear to God, whoever that may be, that that dog is gonna be my Mom’s savior.
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Celie’s sister was here with the kids yesterday as Celie has reopened the pool for the season and, as I saw them playing and doing kid pool things, it reminded me of what I felt as a kid myself and the joy of a day trip to that one person that mom knew that had a pool. Her friend in that one apartment complex, on the other side of the world it seemed for how long it took to get there (the anticipation adding miles and miles and miles in my mind) couldn’t tell ya who now. But man, did I feel special to recount on a Monday to my pals how I had gone swimming over the weekend knowing their jealousy would make me a king.
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Still listening to Alan Parsons, down time, sleep time, BB time ever since I did the rediscovery time that I’ve mentioned previously. “I Robot” right now. “Eve” again if I don’t hit it soon. Just as we all have comfort food we also have comfort music. I know, an obvious but just sayin’ it.
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Found out last week that, of our group of stations up north in Albany, that they would like me, after letting go of the voice guy, to be the imaged voice of the big one there and I’ll lobby for my friend Dina as well. Sorry Dina. I just like being a team. Always good to have a female and male voice. Now in a normal world this might come with a benefit you’d think right? But this is not a normal world. Funny, though I might have taken this to anger in the past, being told of no extra benefit, I’m instead just looking at it as a point of pride. My sis and my nephews and my mom, who live up there, will be able to hear me. What more could I really ask for? That’s a me Ma. See, I told ya.
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Messaged my latest song endeavor to a couple of my dearest friends from the college days, actually dearest of friends period, Lori and Tom (JT), a draft of it as “drafts” are what I do (we need to add Mark to our Zoom calls by the way). Always gives you a little bit of wiggle room if you call them drafts. I got a “ridiculously talented” (oh, please, go on) and “fucking clever”. And I don’t even know if I really like this one. But that’s why ya call them friends right?
Right A Vote
When I think back on the elections when I was younger
They were fair or at least as fair could be
But Trump days came and changed things
And not changed for the better now
Justifying straight cheating as a means
Voting righ-igh-ights
We’ve got a way to exercise ‘em
Gives us a fighting chance
Makes you think and hope along for a brighter day, oh yeh
I got this right that’s still mine
Hasn’t yet been ta-ken away
But we gotta be protective when comes the day
But the games are afoot and have been for a while now
Whining fraud means they’ve already begun
We’ve heard the threats of magic powers, military presence
suppression it will come in a host of forms
Voting righ-igh-ights
We’ve got a way to exercise ‘em
Gives us a fighting chance
Makes you think and hope along for a brighter day, oh yeh
I got this right that’s still mine
Hasn’t yet been ta-ken away
But we gotta be protective when comes the day
Trump he wants to scare this voting right away
Given chance he’ll do anything for a trump day-ay
Donnie’s gonna suppress this voting right away
But Donnie can’t stomp these voting rights
Though try he will with all his might
Mail yours in to push the right aw-ay-ay-ay
He’ll try to frighten you sit tight
To stay at home for fear of fight
But Donnie can’t take these voting rights away
To the Right cheating’s a normal day
It’s how they’ve always made their hay
It seems they don’t know any other way-ay-ay
But Donnie can’t shake our voting rights
He’ll whine and cry all day and night
But Trump can’t take your voting right away-ay-ay
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“Catien” – Sci-Fi movie poster for the solitary cat dude: “In Single Space No One Can Hear You Laugh … When Your Cat Trips”
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Bought three new pillows at Dollar General recently (12 bucks motherfuckers – badump! – love that place) knowing that the one I sleep on, however much of a friend it is, looks underpass mattress-like when you remove the pillowcase. Put one in a closet just in case of the company I will never have and the other two? My head hasn’t touched ‘em. One is just a new fluffy behind my back lean and the other has been appropriated. HeHe, it seems I’m still stuck living in my apartment underpass hoping no one will ever look beneath the pillowcase. Friends are friends, however grossly stained they might be. Plus they still bring dreams.
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A good friend who lives in Hawaii will punctuate her posts and messages with a picture of her feet, often flip flopped, crossed casually ahead of a really nice Hawaii backdrop, a sunset, a beach, a Steve stomach turning cool shot of the ocean from a clifftop, a look out a window from a comfy spot. And she does this all while dealing with a world that, for her, personally, has spun upside down. All as she tries keep family as strong as she can. Those feet are such a positive. Aspire. Cheers Cindy.
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My sanity, whatever that may be, is not the tangible thing I may wish, it’s not that one thing I can grab a hold of and say “this is me”. It’s just a who I am at the moment, ever evolving, the things that I do that keep me moving forward. It’s re-worked songs that express my outrage and my anger and new ones I keep re-working, it’s the childhood memories of pool play, it’s lost turtles, it’s cats that claim new pillows or have their usual spots, it’s landlady’s and friend who give you shit, it’s a job that is still somehow paying you and the pride of being the “voice” of something. But it’s also the what I don’t know. Anyone’s “me” comes down to the what you don’t know and how you respond. I’m just going to choose to actively ignore the “what you don’t know” for the moment hoping my hunkered down allows, at best, a don’t know of a maybe bumping into a futon in the dark or a squeezing of cat puke through the toes in the same. Otherwise I’ll use the time to hold that off if that’s Ok. Even for a few minutes.
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And there is the Memes, old girl Mimi the Quirky, who adopted ME quite a while ago after she snuck up the stairs and decided to stay and who HAS to be my company for words.
Yeh, I’m good until shit takes a next step to the what you don’t know.
Breathe if you can and enjoy the moment.
frankenberrysattic.com 
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