(The Official Secret Clubhouse of the He-Man Protests & Other Stuff Haters Club)
Been a while for a trip to the Trump Treehouse with Trump and his trusty man servant Benfred
(an echo in a hall)
Donnie: Hello? Hello? Supreme here? Hello?
(Benfred right on his hip)
Benfred: Yes sir?
Donnie: (with a start) Whoa, Jesus Benfred!! Don’t sneak up on me like that!!
Benfred: I didn’t sneak up on you
Donnie: What?!
Benfred: I didn’t sneak up on you
Donnie: Yes you did. I was calling for you, you weren’t there and then BOOM! Kind of classic sneaking up
Benfred: No, I’ve been here the whole time
Donnie: Since when? I haven’t heard from you in months … which is good by the way, too much stuff they could ask the only black guy in this cabinet. Cabinet. That’s funny. Sounds like you’re a plate or a dish. Just checkin’ the cabinet for a …
Benfred: Am I missing something?
Donnie: You don’t know?
Benfred: Know what sir?
Donnie: Really?
Benfred: No, what sir?
Donnie: All the chaos caused by you all, getting in the way of bullets, putting your heads under knees, the rioting, thinking you matter, the un … un … something about resting but not.
Benfred: Unrest?
Donnie: Yes that’s it, un … what is that again?
Benfred: Unrest sir.
Donnie: Where have you been during all of this un … stuff?
Benfred: I’ve been right here in the treehouse.
Donnie: Doing what? I haven’t seen you, though you are fairly invisible to me for the most part.
Benfred: Doing mostly nothing other than being unqualified, like Betsy, and keeping my brethren down but you won’t find a speck of dust.
Donnie: Really?
Benfred: Really.
Donnie: So if I white glove this I won’t find anything?
Benfred: Not a speck. Though the white gloves are kind of my thing
Donnie: I know, just a figure of … of … a figure of … little help here
Benfred: Speech?
Donnie: Yes that’s it. Speech. Don’t know why I find that one so difficult. Ok, good, I’ll trust ya … after I check the silverware of course
Benfred: Of course. You have an appointment at 3 by the way
Donnie: You’re keeping my calendar now?
Benfred: Yes, just for today though. Meadows does a fine job other than trying to destroy us all but sometimes he gets a little ummm, distracted.
Donnie: Distracted?
Benfred: Yeh, he’s quite attuned to your ass and that throws him off.
Donnie: Understood. I like those type though. And I do have a fine ass. Remind me to call Lindsey. What about Kayleigh? She couldn’t keep my appointments?
Benfred: Something about Kool Aid and needing a tumbler so I just thought I’d calendar for you myself, just in case.
Donnie: Thank you Benfred, you’re a good one
Benfred: Thank you sir
Donnie: So, who is my 3?
Benfred: You don’t remember? It’s kinda big
Donnie: I’m supposed to remember things?
Treehouse doorbell
Benfred: Oh, hold on I’ll get that … Bill how are you?
Willliam the Low Barr: Bill?
Benfred: Sorry, my bad. Sir William how are you?
Willliam the Low Barr: Better. You know I’m the law right?
Benfred: Yes sir, hands up and open.
Willliam the Low Barr: Good, though that doesn’t always work in your favor. Remember that. Even in your bed sleeping.
Benfred: Thank you sir.
Willliam the Low Barr: Where’s the big guy?
Benfred: (walking forward) he should still be in the sunroom.
Willliam the Low Barr: (following) Tending his plants I assume?
Benfred: Ahhh, you know how he loves his flowers
Willliam the Low Barr: I do. So pretty
(reaching the sunroom)
Donnie: C’mon dirt! You’re supposed to make this stuff grow for Christ’s sake!!
Benfred: I’ll get some water. Bill is …
Willliam the Low Barr: (glare)
Benfred: … Sir Willliam the Low Barr is here.
Donnie: Oh, Hi Bill. Damned things, and I was gonna pluck them eventually for Melania and maybe hold her hand. Just dust. Are you my 3?
Willliam the Low Barr: You have a 3?
Donnie: Apparently
Willliam the Low Barr: Who is that?
Donnie: No idea … hey, Benfred, who is my 3?
Benfred: Hold on sir.
Donnie: No, right now Benfred. What’s that water gonna do? Drop it!
Benfred: Sorry sir, useless water … my bad.
Donnie: Who is my 3?
Benfred: I can’t believe you don’t remember.
Willliam the Low Barr: Hey, careful, you’re sounding a little uppity.
Benfred: I can’t believe you don’t remember … sir.
Willliam the Low Barr: Better
Donnie: Remind me Benfred. Seems my actual calendar keepers are busy doing other things … hey that tickles.
Benfred: It’s Vlad. We set this up a while ago while he was trying to destabilize but we cleared a 3 for today. He wants to make sure you’re on his page again as we get closer to this election. Something about making sure he’s still got his hand inside your back.
Donnie: Oh, you were right Benfred, this IS a big one. Hey, did you send him a thank you, some of Melania’s flowers, for the nesting dolls? You know, the ones of all him and me being the final tiny one? That shit is so cute.
Benfred: I did, but he didn’t get back.
Donnie: That’s alright, busy guy, trying to rule the world an all.
Willliam the Low Barr: It’s almost 3, ya want me tear gas this guy or knee on his neck? Get him out of the way?
Benfred: Hey, I can just leave the room
Donnie: No, not today Bill. Yeh, take off Benfred. Don’t need a guy of your ummm … help me out Ben.
Benfred: Stature?
Donnie: Stature. Yeh sure, stature. Though that word is a bit much. And I know words. Too much importance.
Benfred: I’m with ya, too much
Donnie: How do I look?
Willliam the Low Barr: Orange and imposing.
Donnie: HeHe, got that tickle again. Perfect. Though I will hike my pants up a bit. Got this thing going on midriff … (pointing) right about here
Willliam the Low Barr: (head turned) ‘nuff said sir
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